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In A World Where Everything Sucks, FINALLY, There Is A Party Called Everything Sucks

  • Headlong 1170 South Broad Street Philadelphia, PA, 19146 United States (map)

I don't need to tell you that everything sucks, and I certainly don't need to tell you why everything sucks. But oh, how cathartic it would be if one day, we could just get together and properly acknowledge how much everything sucks. It would be like a Viking funeral for giving a fuck, like sending off that one last fuck you had to give with a primitive yet super-powerful metaphorical slingshot. I see the smile on your face. I know you feel me. 

Well, the idea isn't mine. It's that of Headlong Performance Institute grad/dancer Annie Wilson, who has taken this concept and used it as the most brilliant fundraiser idea of the season, and perhaps all seasons. Please allow me to cut and paste her pitch:

The Everything Sucks party is, in one sense, an opportunity to gather and acknowledge that everything does, indeed, suck. Our personal demons suck. Our collective demons suck. The fight against our personal and collective demons sucks, so so so hard. Our hearts are broken. Our fingernails are broken. We are broken. So let's have a party where we can just fucking say that we are broken for once, instead of trying to pretend that we are whole.

However, the Everything Sucks party is, in another, much truer and deeper sense, an opportunity I am creating to exploit my own personal tragedies as well as yours to "fundraise" $$$$ for the dance I'm making about how much things suck. That's right, come and have a wonderful time melting your individual sense of self into a collective sense of self, because when you do, you'll be supporting ME making a SOLO DANCE about HOW SMART I AM when it comes to tragedy. It's called "At Home with the Humorless Bastard" by the way.


I promise that at every turn in the party, just when you feel your emotional load get a little lighter, I will be there, wearing a shit-eating grin and wagging an empty Cheese Balls container with the word "Donation!" sharpied on it in your face. 

If you're still somehow intrigued, here are some of the activities that we will be doing at the event:

- Dancing to sad music YOU bring (unless I find a DJ. Which who knows, maybe I will, maybe I won't).
- Wall of Suck: Where you write, for all to see, what sucks.
- Guided meditation at 8 PM
- Collective wail at midnight sharp
- “Wall of Making it Better”: Where you write your feeble attempts to make it better for all to see
- Drunk-dialing: Where you call and leave a voicemail for someone you love or hate. Tell 'em something you want to make sure they know in case you die and all they have left of you is the voicemail.


I say goddamn. This might not be just a party. This might be a motherfucking revolution, people.

More info/Facebook invite here.