Object Of The Moment: 64oz Oversized Pineapple Tumbler

The seas are filling up with massive flotillas of plastic, and every single one of us is responsible, but don’t tell that to this plump lil’ bundle of joy! This 64-ounce oversized pineapple tumbler is one of those objects that appeared in a shop near you one day a few years ago, and would now appear to be ubiquitous around the world. I got mine at CVS last summer for to make the giant-est Malibu Bay Breeze Evarr (don’t judge, you probably owned a pair of Tevas or a chain wallet once), but a quick Google reveals that this thing is everywhere, sold by everyone, to everyone, to the point where no brand can really take credit for it. (“Cool Gear” attempts to, however.) It’s the trucknuts of drinking vessels. And it’s too shameful to even throw out.

And so I have found a purpose for it. Each morning, in conjunction with preparing an iced coffee in a separate glass, I also drop a whole tray of ice cubes in this, fill it up with water, and drink it throughout the day until it is gone. No matter what the day throws at you, it’s hard to get too bummed out whilst sipping ice cold Philly tap water out of this canary yellow goofball pineapple, complete with green flexi-straw. Experience has taught me that to see it at all for the first time is to be moved to comment, and guests always do. It may be a little embarrassing, but that’s good for you. And they may be laughing, but chances are, you will be far more hydrated. There’s good odds that both you and this thing will outlive them all.