>>> YELLING ALL THE TIME! The cacophonous 1980s blockbuster The Goonies (those kids don’t shut up for a second) plays Movie Monday at the Troc. Come for the misguided nostalgia, stay for the Cyndi Lauper theme song.
>>> There’s not much happening tonight so you should pet your dog, call your mom, make turkey soup, take a nap or get angry at how much your roommate keeps listening to “Hello.” It’s gonna be that kind of week.
Philebrity’s Chris Cummins and Joey Sweeney listen as Philly Jesus does whatever it is he does at the 2014 Philebrity Awards.
December starts tomorrow, which means that the 2015 Philebrity Awards are right around the corner. Wheeeeeeeeeeee! We’ll have much more information on the event, its special guests, and the categories that you can vote on to sound off on Philly’s best and worst later this week. For now though, just know that the event will be at Johnny Brenda’s on the evening of Wednesday, December 5th. Again, the complete details are coming soon, but trust us, you are not going to want to miss this one.
I like comedy, so when my uncle Dewey asked me to write about it I was like, “Cool! Yes. I will do that.” And he was like, “Thanks.” and I was like, “Have fun on vacation!” and he said back, “Sure thing.” Dewey is a great guy and I’m glad we’re friends. Hi. I’m Mel Peepley and I like to read, write and have fun. I’m in 3rd grade and I like it.
Anyway, since I like comedy I’m going to share with you some comedy shows happening this week that tickle my “like” bone. That’s my funny bone. Which I think is technically your elbow? I’m not actually sure.
This Wednesday is a real ticklish night with two very special shows from Good Good Comedy. One of them is Tell, Don’t Show, hosted by Sean Landis. A brand new movie flop that has been written by local famous people Sam Fran Scavuzzo, Frank Farrell, Jamie Glasheen and Dave Metter. At the show they read you the script and make jokes. It is a very good and fun show. You will like it. Wednesday, 7pm. $5
After that one, there is another show that will happen. Isn’t that neat? It’s called Dungeon Palz. There aren’t any real dungeons but there are real pals such as Michael S. Watkins, Molly Hanulec and Rob Alesiani! This is a show hosted by Matt Aukamp who likes playing the game Dungeons and Dragons and the show is a live version of that. I like having fun, so I think this will be cool to see. Wednesday, 8:30pm. $5
On another day, there is a show where people wrestle each other and do comedy called Comedy Death Match. It’s hosted by Hannah Harkness. Isn’t that interesting? The people wrestling each other on this show are both named Michael. Isn’t that also interesting? And their full names are Michael S. Watkins and Michael Kelly. The other people on the show are Alyssa Al-Dookhi and The New Dreamz. I think your mom will maybe not approve but I think that makes the show cooler and worth attending. Sunday, 7:30pm
Mel Peepley is a 3rd grader who like mac and cheese and other foods. She is kind of a nut!
Over the long holiday weekend, the Rocky spinoff Creed opened to critical raves and an impressive $42.6 million opening (behind Pixar’s The Good Dinosaur and The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part II). To help Philadelphia collectively come down from their Balboa high, we wanted to share the above video which features scenes of Rocky running that span the history of the film franchise. We have a strict policy to not run unless chased, otherwise we’d get out there and do some jogging over our lunch break. Instead, we’ll probably just grab a hoagie or something. Fitness, it’s not for everyone.
Lower Merion alumni, friend of Michael Jackson, and homophobic slur user Kobe Bryant has announced that after his current season — his 20th in the NBA — with the Los Angeles Lakers he will be his last. He shared his feelings on this monumental life change in a poem for The Player’s Tribune called “Dear Basketball.” A sample of his heartfelt prose:
You gave a six-year-old boy his Laker dream
And I’ll always love you for it.
But I can’t love you obsessively for much longer.
This season is all I have left to give.
My heart can take the pounding
My mind can handle the grind
But my body knows it’s time to say goodbye.
And that’s OK.
I’m ready to let you go.
I want you to know now
So we both can savor every moment we have left together.
The good and the bad.
We have given each other
All that we have.
Breakups are always hard, amirite? Despite the “Trees”-esque flourishes on display here, somehow we can’t see the American Poetry Review reaching out to him anytime soon. We are definitely doing a cover of this at the next open mic night we go to though.
That’s alright Wawa, at this point in the year we don’t know what the hell is going on either. And if you’d want to do us a solid but having a winter Hoagiefest this year, well we wouldn’t say no. (Via Reddit)
A staple of Philly gay life since the 1970s, the Venture Inn will be closing at the end of the year. In the aftermath of last year’s shuttering of the Westbury, the Venture was the last of the neighborhood’s veteran haunts where laid back drinking and socializing were the main appeal. (It’s reputation for having an older crowd resulted in the unfortunate “Denture Inn” nickname, which seemed unfair given the bar seemed crammed with folks of all ages whenever we’d pass its doors). In recent years, the Venture was best known for its drag shows led by the peerless Sandy Beach. Philadelphia Gay News has complete details of the closure, but the bottom line here is that the gayborhood just lost a considerable amount of its flavor.
Throughout the rest of the year, we’ll be looking at Philly people, places, and things that are emblematic of the Philadelphia holiday spirit. For our inaugural one of these posts, we thought we would turn your attention to South Fellini’s shirt of the Seven Fishes, celebrating the popular Italian-American Christmas Eve traditional feast. The cost of being ironic at your next holiday gathering? A mere $20. Ho ho ho!
Do you know of a Philly holiday person, place or thing we should turn the festive spotlight onto? Then send us an-email with SANTA’S FISH BEARD in the subject line and let us know all about it!
>>> At PHIT, The Black Friday Comedy Marathon is well underway, with a who’s who of the Philly comedy scene making you laugh until it hurts…mainly them really, because this thing runs 38 hours. An impressive feat of funnymaking if you ask us.
>>> Why yes, we would like to see Low Cut Connie at District N9ne joined by Weird Hot, Scantron, Hannah Taylor, and The Rekardko Lee Trio. What kind of monsters would we be if we didn’t want to check this out?
RECOMMENDED: Even if this wasn’t a Philadelphia-based blog we would wholeheartedly endorse Creed, the long-awaited Rocky spin-off film that passes the torch from the Italian Stallion to Michael B. Jordan‘s Adonis Creed, son of Apollo Creed. This is now mere cash-in, but it’s on original story dealing with issues of loss and legacy and what it truly means to be a fighter–in and out of the ring. Sylvester Stallone delivers a powerfully human performance as a late in life Rocky who has fully taken on the Mickey role in this new installment. But there is so much more at stake here than just another boxing match. You were probably curious about this one anyway, but let us tell you, it is a powerful effort highlighted by supporting performances from Phylicia Rashad and Tessa Thompson that is one of the year’s best. Don’t miss it.
ALSO NEW IN THEATERS THIS WEEK:The Good Dinosaur is the latest Pixar effort that will leave you crying like a baby. Features the voices of Jeffrey Wright, Frances McDormand; All Things Must Pass: The Rise and Fall of Tower Records is Colin Hanks‘ documentary tribute to the late, lamented music chain were most of our time and money was spent during our high school years; and The Wonders is an Italian drama about a family of beekeepers who live in Tuscany. With Monica Bellucci.
>>> It’s Thanksgiving Eve and there’s a metric ton of things to get to. Let’s start things off with what may very well be the most interesting show of the night: Nothing plays an acoustic set at Ortlieb’s that will be filmed for an upcoming DVD release. What will that even sound like? We’ll find out soon enough. Mark Lanky and Sad Actor are also on the bill.
>>> Philly’s very non-creepy Creepoid headline a show at Kung Fu Necktie with Worries, Mercury Girls and Legendary Divorce also on hand. But you still can’t be in two places at once, so what will you do? WHAT WILL YOU DO?
>>> Bourbon and Branch‘s entry into the November 25th partypalooza is a show sponsored by the Hype that features E-Hos, Sinnia Brown, Future Band Name, Jake Olbahum, Lydia Swaray, and right about now you are weeping because it’s all too much. But we aren’t even remotely done yet…
>> He’s a Philadelphian by birth who moved West and is back in town tonight for a show at World Cafe Live. We’re talking about singer/songwriter Jeff Campbell here, and his homecoming will showcase material from his recent LP, The Kitchen Sink.
>>> YOU ARE OLD. Both the Foo Fighters self-titled debut and Oasis’ What’s the Story Morning Glory? are now 20 years old. A fact not lost on the cool cats over at Milkboy, who will be playing both albums in their entirety tonight along with a DJ set from Strangled by the Stereo Wire.
>>> The Take This Bird and Shove It Fest kicks off its first day at Voltage Lounge with performances from Infant Mortality, The Heels, Stepping Razor, Shitty Friends, and Kamikaze Skydive. FOMO baby, it’s everywhere.
>>> And while in the Gayborhood, why not stop by the Pink Pub Crawl, which will hit Tabu, Tavern on Camac, Franky Bradley’s, and Voyeur?
>>> Oh God, we thought we had it sorted out as to where we’d be going tonight and then we learned that Comedy Dreamz is happening at PhilaMOCA. Join hosts Rose Luardo and Andrew Jeffrey Wright as they showcase performances from Body Dreamz, Ken Jones, Michael S. Watkins, Katie Deasy, Joe Bell, and many more. Plus videos and a dance party.
Despite having only been around since the summer of 2014, Philly dream pop act The Morelings have become absolutely beloved to us due to the duo’s lushly textured melodies and the ethereal vocals of Kedra Caroline. They represent the absolute best of the goofily titled “nu gaze” genre, drawing from the influence of acts like Slowdive and Lush but adding layers that feel absolutely of the right now. In advance of their show at Ortlieb’s on December 4th, they’ve just released the video for “Too Far” from their No Sign EP. It is a beautiful sun-drenched affair whose visuals superbly mesh with the song’s building of sonic cathedrals. More sweetness and light from the band? Yep, The Morelings seem to have an inexhaustible supply.
From the Pointless Nostalgia file comes the complete 1986 Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. Through the magic of YouTube you can now relive such head-scratching moments as people singing while wearing horrific Chipmunks costumes, footage of a struggling Superman balloon, a performance from Barbie and the Rockers, nightmare clowns, and a mini-parade float thing that we think is supposed to be Ben Franklin. You’ve already emotionally clocked out for the week, so why spend 2 1/2 hours watching this shitty time travel?
One of many unheralded pleasures of living in the Keystone State are the markers placed by the Pennsylvania Historical and Museum Commission noting the location of important locations in PA history and the men and women who helped shape not only our region but the world at large. Unfortunately, not all of these historical figures were appreciated in their time, meaning that some of their markers are absolutely Debbie Downers. Enter motion picture pioneer Siegmund Lubin. We’ve walked by his marker on N. 9th Street off of Market St. countless times but only last night did we really stop and notice what a womp-womping bummer it was. For reasons best left to our psychologist to explore, it reminds us of the end of Beneath the Planet of Apes when Earth is blown up by a nuclear bomb and a somber voiceover states “in one of the countless billions of galaxies in the universe lies a medium-sized star. And one of its satellites, a green and insignificant planet, is now dead.” Maybe we’re just being a bit melodramatic, but part of us questions if the nugget that ends Lubin’s marker — the fact that he “died in obscurity” — is wholly necessary to include. But then we realized that yes, it absolutely is. History is never convenient and it most definitely is not pretty, so one man’s contributions forgotten is his lifetime are just a drop in the bucket compared to the tidal wave of way more brutal shit and piss people have gone through while this damaged planet has spun on its axis unaware for all these countless years. Siggy, if you’re out there somewhere just know that despite your status upon your death we’re thinking of you right now…and that your historical marker is a complete boner killer.
We don’t care how great your family is or how perfect of a turkey meal you’ll have cooked, because unless you have managed an invite to Patti LaBelle‘s Thanksgiving at her house in Wynnewood, your holiday will be sorely lacking. The Daily News is reporting that the dynamic diva’s guest list includes James Wright Chanel (who made a acclaimed YouTube video dedicated to LaBelle’s Walmart pie brand, because this is 2015 and we don’t even know anymore), Fox 29 reporter Quincy Harris, and, best of all, Questlove. We are utterly smitten with the idea of breaking bread with two generations of Philly musical icons that we can’t even begin to articulate. Sadly, we aren’t on the guest list. Sigh. It looks like it’ll be another year of having to make do with a Wawa Gobbler and singing the Michael McDonald parts of “On My Own” for us. Bummer.
An intrepid reader sent us the above opening image to remind us that the events of the original Rocky began on this date back in 1975. Today is also, by Mayor Nutter’s declaration, Creed Day, in honor of the Rocky spinoff, er, hitting theaters today. From the entire Philebrity family we’d like to extend our best wishes to all of Philadelphia’s overly celebrated fictional boxers!
Gratitude. That’s what tomorrow is all about. Plus drinking wine until you bust and your family dinner suddenly becomes an Exorcist shitshow. But mainly the feeling thankful thing. Here at Philebrity we are first and foremost thankful to all of our great readers and advertisers. This may sound pandering but we honestly mean it. There is no us without you. So to give back a lil bit, here’s this open thread where you can tell and Philadelphia (a city we are always in awe of) what your Thanksgiving eve/day plans are and/or what you are personally thankful for. Want to promote your DJ night tonight? Want to sound off about stuffing recipes? Want to link to your Soundcloud cover of “Over the River and Through the Woods?” Go nuts. The thread is open to you all. Happy Thanksgiving you magnificent bastards.
>>> Easily our favorite band name of the past couple of years, Ronald Reagan, The ACTOR? bring their rock to Bourbon and Branch tonight on a stellar lineup that also includes Lady Parts, The Getaway Car, and Effusion 35.