July 6, 2015

The Way We Live Now: The Nation’s First LGBTQ Divorce Firm Opens In Philly

divorceNow that marriage equality is available to all, what happens when the bloom is off the rose of a same-sex relationship. To quote the immortal Tammy Wynette, D-I-V-O-R-C-E, that’s what. Thusly, lawyer Conor Corcoran — sometimes Philebrity contributor and our go-to legal expert — has opened the nation’s first firm dedicated to the needs of the LGBTQ community called, wait for it, Adam vs. Steve. (Philly Jesus will not be amused). From the website:

Corcoran, along with a network of affiliated attorneys throughout the United States, is prepared to handle any LGBTQ divorces that come his way. The staunch-Democrat and social liberal named his site AdamVsSteve.com in response to the homophobic taunts of the past when bigots would chant that God intended “Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.”

AdamVsSteve.com is also now offering specials for straight couples that need to divorce because they believe the sanctity of their marriages have now been compromised.

So to our LGBTQ friends we say this, as thrilled as we are that you now have the right to legally marry we also want you to know that now there’s an option for when you realize it’s time to shut it down.

Your Complete Guide To #PopeFence, Both The (Possibly Not Real) Thing And The Hashtag

For a brief moment over the weekend, your worst fears about Pope Francis‘ visit were realized with word that an eight-foot fence was going to be constructed around a 4 1.2 mile stretch of Center City as a security precaution. While like many of you we have already decided to get as far away from all the holy rolling as possible come late September, but for those left behind the prospect of this was the latest in a string of papal inconveniences. While Mayor Nutter‘s press secretary Mark McDonald has denied the building of any such fence, Secret Service spokesman Robert Hoback is keeping quiet on his agency’s security plans for now. (Did anyone else see the 4th of July festivities’ closures as a microcosmic harbinger of Philly Screwiness Yet to Come?) as a All of this just has us humming “Philadelphia Freedom” to ourselves as we curl into the fetal position, so let’s switch gears a bit and look at the best #popefence tweets after the jump. (more…)

Noontime Nuggetz: The Jersey Devil Exploitation Flick That Never Was

Back in 1990, Philadelphia-based filmmaker Chris Blake Sasser filmed a trailer for a New Jersey Devil-based horror flick called Deviltry to raise funds for the low-budget production. While a full feature never materialized, the two minutes of cheesy movie magic (oh man, the acting in this is something out of a Joel Hodgson fever dream) that does exist hits us right in our Creature Double Feature-loving sweet spot. Is it just us or would this pair perfectly with this week’s screening of The Room?



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The Week Ahead In Comedy: Party All The Time

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Laurel and Hardy, Fred and Wilma, Sacco and Vanzetti – the greatest comedy comes in pairs. Celebrate the fine number “Two” with Daring Daulton Breaks Up. Trevor Miles and Joe Paolucci haven’t performed together in what feels like a very long time, and will be presenting an all new show with all new material at Philly Improv Theater. They will be accompanied by a one-man sketch show from Christian Alsis, known for his work as head writer of Goat Rodeo and as Fudgie The Whale from the Just Joshin’ with Josh Justice podcast. Thursday/Friday 9pm, $10

If you love movies, trivia, comedy and things that are turning 1 year old, then be sure to see Movie, Movie, Live! at PhilaMOCA on Thursday. Hosts Garrett Smith and Dan Scully along guests Brian Anthony Wilson, Tommy Avallone, and Dan Angelucci have a lot of fun prizes and surprizes planned for the audience. It is sure to be the best one-year-old birthday party YOU have in a mausoleum this year! Thursday, 7:30Ppm, $5.

Immediately following Movie Movie Live, vote your problems away at Electile Dysfunction! Candidates Sidney Gantt, Matthew Tsang, Tommy Touhill and Kate Banford will go head-to-head-to-head-to-head like a pair of two-headed monsters who are actually one headed monsters independent of their conjoined head. This show will include debates, endorsement, smearing, mockery, all for your vote. Who’s driving this clown car? You be the judge! Thursday, 9pm. $5.

On Friday, the Philly Improv Theater is host to “Found Comedy Night” which means both Guilty Pleasures and TV Party. Guilty Pleasures will be a celebration of the strange, silly and awful content the internet can produce, and will also be a celebration of the return of Philly Comedy’s favorite son JP Boudwin. TV Party will also be a celebration of JP, as well as bad TV and beer. Friday, 10:30PM and 11:59PM, $10 for Guilty Pleasures/TV Party is free.

Joe Moore is the genial jerk who is head writer of sketch group Dog Mountain, host of monthly show Guilty Pleasures and a sketch comedy instructor. Hunt him down on twitter @TheJoeMoore.

[Photo by Alex Pearlman]

Dept. Of Personal Jesus: Yeah, We’ve Also Just About Had It With Philly Jesus

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As regular Philebrity readers will recall, we’ve long been intrigued by Philly Jesus‘ hustle, so much so that we even had him play our awards ceremony back in January. We’re still trying to figure out exactly what his message is and what he wants $70,000 for, but right now our thoughts on Philly Jesus are primarily consumed by his sudden about face on gay issues that had him deleting pro-marriage equality social media posts and generally getting all Pat Robertson on the City of Brotherly Love over the weekend. One of the messages posted then yanked from his Twitter account is the above sentiment that seems to sum up his ideology of the moment. Along with being decidedly anti-gay, it also trots out the cliched Adam and Steve chestnut — as if it was tweeted by a bot that leapt over from the Westboro Baptist Church’s account. (Philly Jesus’ Twitter itself is a fascinating affair which seemingly retweets all mentions of his doings both positive and negative, making it a bizarre clearing house of unclear locally sourced theology). After scouring the Internet we uncovered that this isn’t the first time PJ’s peace and love to all schtick didn’t hold (holy) water either. For those of you unfamiliar with the story of Philly Jesus, here’s a quick recap. Born Michael Grant, he was formerly a drug addict who after some stints in jail and rehab discovered Jesus and decided to devote his life to walking around Center City spreading the Gospel, taking selfies and posing for tourists all the while. This was all very groovy at first, but we don’t like hypocrisy and hate from actual leaders and we certainly aren’t going to take it from Messianic cosplayers. So thanks Philly Jesus, we had a few laughs. But now that you’ve decided to take up with the wrong side of history we’ll go looking for our disposable religious amusement elsewhere, okay?



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This Moment In Branding: A Creed Fan Petitions MGM To Change The Name Of Their Upcoming Rocky Spin-Off

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Fans of Christian rock band/go-to punchline Creed aren’t exactly embracing the new Rocky spin-off with arms wide open (sorry) as they feel that the flick, also named Creed, could cause damage to their beloved band’s brand. So much so, so superfan Nick Robinson has started a Change.org petition asking MGM to change the name of the film. From the petition:

The movie CREED about the son of Rocky Balboa’s deceased trainer’s son, is making it difficult, if not impossible, for the still-vital online Creed fanbase to exchange thoughts and discussion regarding band developments, song interpretation, rumors, non-erotic fanfiction, and deeper insights into the expanded Creed universe. MGM has completely disrespected the Creedmunity by using the name of the still-popular band for their non-Creed related movie and have been stifling conversation by flooding social media hashtags and searches with non-music Creed discussion. MGM should have consulted Creed experts and online leaders before titling this movie. The Creedmunity will not be silenced.

Now as you probably figured out by now, Robinson is an LA-based comedian who is simply having some fun at the band’s expense. Whether or not the 156 people who signed the petition are in on the joke or not? Well,that’s another kettle of bombastic rock-loving fish entirely.

ICYMI: The Roots Sample The Action News Theme/Mayor Nutter Dusts Off “Rapper’s Delight” At Welcome America

We are still quite exhausted from all the welcoming of America that we did over the long weekend, so while we get our bearings and get back into the swing of things we thought we’d bring you the musical highlights of Saturday’s concert on the Parkway. First up, The Roots did a spectacular job as the house band for the event all around, but their blending of “Game Theory” with Al Ham’s “Move Closer to Your World” — AKA the Action News theme — still has us feeling giddy. (As does Questlove‘s Ricci Hoagies shirt, which we totally took as a shot at Wawa). But some biting the hand that feeds and a live version of a beloved local theme wasn’t remotely the biggest news of the night, as Mayor Nutter once again revived his Mix Master Mike routine to perform “Rapper’s Delight” for a national television audience, complete with mic drop. Let’s rock, you don’t stop after the jump. (more…)

July 2, 2015

This Weekend: Hey Baby, It’s The Fourth Of July!

THURSDAY:

>>> Because Dave Kendall still narrates your dreams, we call attention to the fact that college rock heroes Swirlies will help you kick off this longest of weekends. There’s going to be a fleeting moment tonight when Johnny Brenda’s and everything inside of it will briefly be transported back to 1993 because of the group’s musical powers. This won’t be some helpless can’t change anything Timequake bullshit, but rather a chance to tell your younger self that everything will be all right. So do that, and be at peace.

>>> Manchester has considerably less to answer for thanks to the confessional pop of PINS (their all-caps, not ours). The all-female four-piece plays Boot & Saddle tonight, and then your hearts, forevermore.

>>> DJ Robert Drake hosts the Pop-Up Rock of the 80s Happy Hour at Fergies Beach. We’re going to need a few minutes to unpack all of the magnificence contained in the previous sentence.

>>> Free tickets are still available for the final night of the Kimmel Center’s 2015 Theater Residence collab with Joe’s Pub. Tonight’s performance will feature public readings and a Q&A about the program and its artists — which included Dito Van Reigersberg, Dave “Johnny Showcase” Sweeny and Daniel Alexander Jones. Click here for tickets and more info.

FRIDAY

>>> Over at Union Transfer, the Fare Thee Well: Celebrating 50 Years of Grateful Dead is a three-day simulcast of the Dead tribute show happening in Chicago this weekend with Mickey Hart, Phil Lesh, Bob Weir, Trey Anastasio and other jam band luminaries. Anyone else still irked that the Dead’s video for “Touch of Grey” ripped its premise from the forgotten Jason Bateman 1980s series It’s Your Move, or is it just us?

>>> Vibes. It’s not just a Jeff Goldblum/Cyndi Lauper jam. And there’ll be plenty of good feelings on hand Underground Arts tonight when The West Philadelphia Orchestra plays a bill alongside of Johnny Showcase & The Mystic Ticket.

>>> ‘MURICA: A Patriotic Art Show opens at PhilaMOCA. We don’t know what Git ‘R Done means, but this crowdsourced show featuring ridiculously patriotic works makes us want to do just that.

>>> The LGBT 50th Anniversary Civil Rights Concert hits Penn’s Landing, with performances from America’s Got Talent‘s Jonathan Allen as well as Roxxy Allen, Aloe Vera, Cleo Phatra, and other fabulously named individuals.

SATURDAY

>>> It’s Philadelphia. It’s the Fourth of July. So yeah. Your best bet to not miss a second of the patriotic proceedings is to visit the Welcome America website.

>>> Can we state the obvious and say you are under no obligation to go anywhere or do anything. But if you do, a barbecue with friends is always a nice option. Save a burger for us, will ya?

>>> Tattooed Mom is hosting a free performance of The Signing or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Freedom, a play from Anthony Taylor that is easily the most irreverent way that you can celebrate today.

>>> The Roots play the 4th of July Jam on the Parkway as part of the whole Welcome America whathaveyou that is filling you with inertia right about now. Also on the lineup? Jennifer Nettles and Miguel. Party in the USA!

>>> The National LGBT 50th Anniversary Ceremony at Independence Hall pays tribute to LGBT pioneers in a lavish celebration that will feature an appearance by Wanda Sykes and a memorial tribute to Barbara Gittings. Given the events of last week, we expect this happening to be an unforgettable highlight of the weekend.

SUNDAY

>>> Sober up. It’s gonna be a long slog until the next three day weekend.

Film Sweat: You Have To Believe We Are Magic

RECOMMENDED: Although the trailer makes it look very hamfisted, we still are interested in the based on a true story Infinitely Polar Bear because of its leads, Mark Ruffalo and Zoe Saldana — actors who can elevate the shoddiest of material. Is the film a thoughtful examination of how decades of mental illness can impact a family? Or a predictable drama that doesn’t offer any new commentary on how such diseases can swerve the trajectory of our lives? We don’t know yet, but are eager to find out.

ALSO NEW IN THEATERS THIS WEEK: We were hoping that Terminator Genisys had something to do with Phil Collins, but instead it is just the latest installment in the “why is this a franchise again?” franchise. This one, complete with special effects seemingly generated in Windows 98, stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Emilia Clarke and Jason Clarke, whom we will forever mistake for MacGruber; the, um, cockbuster Magic Mike XXL, because try though you might you just can’t quit Channing Tatum…and at this point do you even still want to?; the trailer for Faith of Our Fathers reminds us of “Goodnight Saigon” mashed up with Jack Chick religious tracts, and it stars Stephen Baldwin. Do with that information what you will; and Eden is a drama set against the backdrop of Paris’ 1990s EDM scene that strives for Trainspotting relevance but probably is more Go than anything else.

For more recommendations on films currently in theaters, visit Philebrity’s Film Sweat archive. And click here for movie times. Need repertory film? Try Cinedelphia.

Recommended Listening: Christopher Paul Stelling’s Folkadelphia Session

NYC-based folk troubadour Christopher Paul Stelling recently recorded his second Folkadelphia Session for WXPN’s The Key. A dramatic affair highlight by his Glen Hansard by way of Arlo Guthrie vocal delivery, this five-song set that was recorded at Drexel’s Studio A highlights material from his new Anti Records release Labor Against Waste. Our favorite of the tracks here is “Warm Enemy,” a bluegrass daydream that has us in an unexpectedly reflective mood — which suits us just fine. Give it a listen and see what Stelling’s music invokes in you.

Attention Northern Liberties Residents: If The Porta Potty Is A-Rocking, Don’t Come Knocking

What is going on in this porta potty in Northern Liberties? from Spirit Newspapers on Vimeo.

To paraphrase Humpty Hump, someone in NoLibs is a freak who likes the girls with the boom and just got busy in a Johnny on the Spot bathroom.

Noontime Nuggetz: A Tribute To America, Journey Style

Being insular people, we here at the Philebrity won’t be venturing out into the Parkway for the fireworks on Saturday. Instead, we will probably hit up a pal’s barbecue or sit in and catch up with our stories. But since today is our last broadcast day before the long holiday weekend, we’d like to share with you beautiful people a ritual that we partake in that we’ve kept quiet until now. Every 4th of July, we listen to the pensive musical tributes to the day by X and Aimee Mann before sitting back, cracking open a cold one and watching the above video that juxtaposes Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” with some of the most inspirational (and dare we say patriotic?) images we have ever seen. The Sopranos‘ finale never took this song from us, because we have only ever associated it with crude MS Paint drawings and tinny audio since we first saw it on a random AOL page way back in 2001. So let’s make each other a promise, okay? Let’s hold onto the feeling for as long as we can. After all, that’s what America is all about.

Hashtags We Wholeheartedly Endorse: #UrbanOutfittersBeLike


We’ve watched with starry-eyed wonder as the #urbanoutfittersbelike meme has exploded on Twitter, commenting on the store’s bizarre prices and casual stocking of racially and ethnically insensitive products. Now too it seems that the mainstream media is also getting in on the Internet game of pile on. Forget Hoagie Day, we’re having a delicious plate of schadenfreude for lunch.

FYI: President Obama To Speak At This Month’s NAACP Convention In Philly

obamaOn July 14th, the Pennsylvania Convention Center will host the 106th Annual NAACP National Convention, an event that will be highlighted by an address from President Obama. From the press release:

“President Barack Obama, having spoken eloquently of grace to a grieving nation in a moment of crisis in Charleston, will now address the social and economic challenges of our time in the hometown of American freedom – Philadelphia, stated NAACP President and CEO Cornell William Brooks. Thousands of NAACP leaders, delegates, activists, youths, and supporters will welcome him to the 106th Convention of the NAACP in a moment in which his voice and our voices so desperately need to be heard. President Obama has been on the forefront of transformative change from civil rights to human rights over his term and in recent days. We in the nation eagerly anticipate his vision and plans for the difficult work ahead.”

The theme of this year’s convention is “Pursuing Liberty in the Face of Injustice,” with other guests including Mayor Nutter, Charlie Wilson, Eric Benet and Senator Bob Casey. A full schedule of events can be found here.

This Re-Edit Of Rick Santorum’s Presidential Announcement Is Somehow More Unnerving Than The Real Thing

We’ve spent far too much time this morning pouring over Vic Berger’s bizarre re-edits of presidential campaign announcements that Dangerous Minds pointed us to, but we wanted to share with you the Rick Santorum one. Through some Everything Is Terrible-style editing, Berger has seemingly done the unthinkable by making us feel more uncomfortable about Santorum than we already did. (The Chris Christie one is pretty disquieting as well, but you probably already guessed that). However, we just know that anything that would result from either of these dudes actually getting elected would be infinitely stranger than some clever editing can muster. Shudder.

On This Wawa Hoagie Day, Let Us Remember Our Founding Fathers’ Fondness For Cured Meats Served In The Humidity


FREE LUNCH/MASSIVE CROWD ALERT: The annual Wawa Hoagie Day event, in which a mind-blowing five tons of hoagies are served to a ravenous, sandwich-loving Philadelphia, runs from 12-1:30 today at Independence Hall. Now that we’ve given you a reason to venture into (or, more likely, stay far away from) Old City today, let us ponder this: What was the 1776 equivalent of a Shorti®, and did the signers of the Declaration of Independence ever enjoy such majesty? We certainly hope so. Today truly is a celebration for all… well, except the gluten-intolerant, for whom this entire event is just a cruel lunchtime game of hey, what’s that on your shirt?, vooop!

Readers Cameraphone: The Jawn-Exploiting Vitamin Water Ad

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A reader writes:

This has really gone too far.

Oh we wholeheartedly agree, which is why we once again say jawn is over, if you want it.

July 1, 2015

This Evening: Go Outside, Have Some Drinks

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>>> In the event of the evening (any evening really), The Bearded Ladies will be launching their PHS Pop-Up Gardens two-week residency with the pay-what-you-can Bitter Homes and Gardens: A Botanical Hoe-Down. Featuring “a friendly ear of corn named Jebediah Eatin-Good” and the songs of everyone from Tom Waits to Faith Hill, this “bio-diverse cabaret” continues the Ladies’ ability to make art that is both resonant and deeply entertaining.

>>> Nerd Nite is back at Frankford Hall, and this time around the event is a collab between the Nerd Nite Philly team (including our own Chris Cummins) and the American Philosophical Society that will include discussions on salamander sex (ooh), the history of the APS (ahhh) and horticulture in the 18th century (wow). Music will be provided by Lauren Duguid, who will be playing Skid Row’s “18 and Life” on a saw. So yeah, we buried the lede a bit there.

>>> In a booking that is absolutely perfect in every way imaginable, The Melvins are at Underground Arts.

>>> Drinking in formerly sad places makes us happy, which is why we’ll be checking out the Uptown Beer Garden at the BNY Mellon Bank Courtyard that we told you about yesterday.

And Now, A Limerick For The Jersey Shore’s Portuguese Man O’ War

There once was a jellyfish-type creature on the ground,
Who created such fear from all around.
Although a pretty thing,
Oh man, what a sting!
Just like the one felt by Will Smith in Seven Pounds.

Kevin Smith Loses 85 Pounds, Resulting In A Surplus Of Hockey Jerseys At LA Thrift Stores


While the Philadelphia region remains largely indifferent to the possible shooting of Mallrats 2 at Granite Run Mall, Kevin Smith has been making the rounds showing off his newly slim yet still quite jean-shorted frame. He attributes the weight loss to a sugar-free diet, words we are typing while enjoying our third Coke of the day, go figure. We congratulate Smith on his pursuit of a healthier lifestyle while also quietly acknowledging that he will now be around long enough to sequelize every one of his films that we dug while in college but now feel meh about.