10 Larry Krasner Events I’ve Been Invited To But One Of Them Is A Lie*
With the May 16 election day contest for (among others) Philly’s District Attorney seat just around the corner, competition is fierce. So fierce, in fact, that the race is now under the national spotlight, and candidates have been pounding the pavement to meet voters harder than in any other Philly DA race in recent memory. And perhaps nobody is out there, showing up at more events than progressive candidate Larry Krasner, whose appearance in this writer’s Facebook event notifications has been, not to put too fine a point on it, wall-to-wall. Why, in the last month alone, we’ve received invites to:
West Philly Potluck w/ special guest Larry Krasner & His Bangin’ Bean Dip
Tuesday Night Settlers Of Catan w/ Larry Krasner
Fishtown Beer Runners w/ special guest Larry Krasner on “The Unjust Nature of Shin Splints”
Making Time w/ Larry Kraser feat. Simian Mobile Disco
Eat Your Beats improv comedy food-themed rap battle feat. Larry Krasner (chosen food: “sprouts”)
Home Visit/Promo: “Larry Krasner Will Bring In Your Recycling Bins This Week”
Lovemaking Tips at Sexploratorium with featured guest Larry Krasner
Special Forum on Home Decorating with Larry Krasner at South Philly Ikea
Bob Dylan Birthday Tribute with special guest Larry “Blind Boy Habeas Corpus” Krasner
Online Skillshare Class with featured instructor Larry Krasner; today’s topic: Beekeeping!
All of which is to say: Larry Krasner may or may not be the next District Attorney, but at present, he’s something much larger — he’s a lifestyle.
*Editor’s note: All of these are made up. Except for the Pot Luck one. That was real.