Very Much Like Bob Dylan, She’s Got A Head Full Of Ideas, And They’re Driving Her Insane

Oh dear.

Previously: Shocking News: New Jennifer Weiner Book Invokes The Acronym “BFF,” Cover Features Sandy Beach

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Jethro Heiko To DiCicco Clan: Suck It, You Fools

Live here long enough, and you realize that City Councilman Frank DiCicco has long been a hearty practitioner of the politics of convenience. He’s been an ally to the casinos when it was politically advantageous to do so, for instance, and then rallied against them when it became apparent that it was not. There is absolutely nothing shocking or controversial about this; DiCicco’s an old-school city politics lifer, and he is what he is. Whether or not you believe that and other things DiCicco’s done throughout his career constitutes “corruption” is in the eye of the beholder, of course, but casino activist Jethro Heiko (pictured) definitely believes it does. And when he said so last week on YoungPhillyPolitics.com, guess which certain someone was reading? None other than Frank DiCicco himself. And on Monday morning, Heiko received this sternly worded letter from DiCicco’s attorney, demanding that Heiko “immediately publish a retraction of these false, defamatory and malicious statements in order to mitigate the damage that you have done to Councilman DiCicco, and that you apologize to him for their publication.” The letter further demanded that Heiko provide DiCicco with “any and all information you relied on in making such false and malicious assertions.” Or, if we may translate this into the parlance of grade school bullies everywhere, Take it back, say uncle, and tell me who told you this shit in the first place. DiCicco’s attorney in this matter, by the way, is his son, Christian DiCicco. Heiko’s response? He posted the letter on YPP with a whole letter detailing why he wasn’t sorry and how, by his definition, DiCicco really is corrupt, when you get down to it. It’s ballsy, for sure, and also probably not quite what the DiCicco’s were hoping for. Why? Let’s say DiCicco the Elder files suit against Heiko. The burden of proof in court would then rely on Heiko proving in court that DiCicco is, in fact, corrupt, thereby landing the man in what in essence would become a corruption trial, which is the last thing any politician in the world wants — especially one with a lonnnnnng Philly politics backstory like Frank DiCicco. If Heiko set a trap here — and we’re not saying he did — Frank DiCicco just fell face-first into it.

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Who Is Mark Segal’s Secret Source In The White House?

About half past midnight last night, Philadelphia Gay News publisher Mark Segal (pictured) sent out an email blast saying that “President Barack Obama will be signing a presidential memorandum tomorrow in the oval office to provide benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees,” attributing a “high source in the White House.” And lo and behold, open up this morning’s New York Times, and there it is! Awesome! And while it’s obvious that the NYT and multiple other stories were already in the works and about to hit the press, making it safe for anyone in the White House to then “leak” what would undoubtedly be all over the place in a matter of hours anyway, we have to wonder: Who’s Segal’s White House buddy? It could be a difficult one to pin down, but Segal’s long been a political player in Philly, and has never been afraid to wield whatever power he’s got when his nature calls. Our first guess would obviously be someone in Camp Hillary. Second guess? Bo. I mean, come on.

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Spoken Like Someone Who Just Slept In And Now Feels Utterly Glorious: We Need A Bike That’s Part Blender

While we slumbered, a kind reader sent us in a link to this Nerve post about something we never knew we needed until just now: A bicycle blender. You know, for daiquiris. That we can drink while we look out the window, upon our Fishtown Beachfront Property on York St. While we think about posts we could make but decide to go to the Memphis Taproom instead.
I don’t know why, but my body thinks it’s on vacation today. I’ll try to keep it to myself from here on out, but I’m 100% positive that by the end of the day, we’ll be posting Jimmy Buffet videos. For we are all cheeseburgers in paradise.

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Your Regularly Scheduled Philebrity Will Resume Shortly

Oh, hello. We’ve taken the morning off to enjoy coffee and breezes. But we’ll be back after lunch with a merciless pounding of posts both relevant and not to your life and the beautiful world that surrounds you. See you soon!

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This Evening: Ragging The Literary Instrument

>>> So, did James Joyce like jazz? Funny you should ask, as we were just wondering the same thing. Tonight brings us the Bloomsday Edition of Philebrity Salon @ 700 (Second & Fairmount), beginning right after the Phillies game. Turns out, Joyce may have not liked jazz, but he did jazz:

“Ragging the literary instrument,” eh? Has a nice ring to it.
>>> Bill Callhan, formerly Smog, knows a thing or two about ragging the literary instrument. He’ll be doing it all over the place tonight at Johnny Brenda’s. Better wear a raincoat.
>>> And for those of you who prefer something perhaps a little more contemporary: Clues, featuring members of Unicorns and Arcade Fire, play an early, all-ages show (7PM) with Drink Up Buttercup at the Barbary.

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Behold, The Top Searches Currently Leading Readers To This, Your Philebrity.com

philebrity, jenny lewis, fuck my life, glory hole, arthur kade

To which we say: Indeed. INDEED!

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National Beat: Zicam Is The New Sparks

The FDA has made a recommendation that consumers stop using three Zicam products (Zicam Cold Remedy Nasal Gel, Zicam Cold Remedy Nasal Swabs, and the discontinued Zicam Cold Remedy Swabs, Kids Size) because in addition to annihilating your cold, they can also destroy your sense of smell. Permanently. After just one use! Many people would find this side effect devastating, but for us, this is just another case of something being too damned fun for this life. (Full disclosure: We had a bottle of the “extreme menthol” flavor of that nasal gel, and good God, it was like a rocket to frosty hell and back. It reminded us of the drugs Tom Cruise gets addicted to in Minority Report.) While the FDA’s measure is not a full-fledged recall, Zicam has stopped shipping these products to stores, so if you’re a fan, now might be a good time to start feverishly hoarding stocking up. Just like you did with Sparks. Fortunately for us, our favorite “burns-worse-than-a-menthol-cough-drop-inside-your-sinus-cavity-so-you-know-it’s-working” Zicam product is outside the scope of the FDA recommendation.

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Major Lazer Is The God Of Hellfire, Bow Down Before Its Aggressive Marketing Campaign Today

Today sees the release of Major Lazer’s debut long-player, Gunz Don’t Kill People, Lazers Do. But just to get to the point where we could type out that simple sentence about the new collab between Diplo and Switch took about a half an hour of research; we’ve got an inbox crammed so full of emails detailing Major Lazer ephemera (iPhone apps, party invites, remixes of songs we hadn’t even heard the originals of, videos, downloads) that for a second there, it got real hard to tell just what the hell Major Lazer is. As it turns out, Major Lazer is music. And that music is, in a word, “dutty.” As in Jamaican dancehall “dutty,” the genre that has increasingly become the twinkle in Diplo’s eye, now that the whole B-more club sound has been pretty much run into the ground. The debut single from Gunz Don’t Kill People, Lazers Do is “Hold The Line” (see video above), which features a cameo from Santigold. Problems: We’re not sure that this isn’t merely an Anglicized, American Apparel-friendly appropriation of a kind of music that’s been around for years now, toiling in (relative) obscurity (outside of Jamaica and NYC), and well, you know how that goes. It’s the whole Elvis thing. And if we’re gonna be really honest, we feel like the Dutty Chutney guys are doing far more interesting things with this kind of music, and avoiding the whole unfortunate pantomime vibe at the same time. In any case, this might not be anybody’s problem: As we speak, the Neon Nation that once hung on Diplo’s every move is being cast to the wind by one thousand Tumblr blogs and a recession that’s making everybody get into Karen Dalton and Nigerian funk reissues anyway, because that is presumably more “real.” (No judgement there, just calling it like it is.) We’ll check out Gunz Don’t Kill People, Lazers Do in its entirety regardless, as we feel like it’s probably a more important signpost as to where Diplo is going than, you know, where he is. If you wanna check out Major Lazer in person, you can do so for free this Friday night at the Electric Factory with A-Trak at this whole free Barcardi party thing.

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Banks To Tierney: You Cannot Be Serious. No, Seriously, Would You Please Be Serious?

Here is the latest in the long saga of How The Metro Became The Only Daily Newspaper In Philadelphia, or, The Brian Tierney Pentagram Of Doom: Fuck ‘Em If They Can’t Take A Joke Edition. Philadelphia Newspapers Inc.’s creditors — who already threw their dicks out on the table and said, “Hey Philly, we can make all of this badness go away if only you let us FIRE BRIAN TIERNEY, for Chrissakes already!” — are claiming that Tierney & Co. are not using the breathing room that filing for bankruptcy provides them. As in, they’re not working on it: They’re just, like, going on TV a lot, conning bloggers into doing free market research for them, searching the office for bugs, wishin’-hopin’-thinkin’-prayin’ for a magical time machine that would let them go back in time and steal the idea for Craigslist, and all the other things you do when you don’t want to do your homework and just wish that mom would let you go play Nintendo already. But here’s how filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection is supposed to work: Normally, if you’re not paying your creditors (as here), they can take all your stuff. Filing for bankruptcy gives the debtor (Tierney) room to reorganize. And apparently, Tierney’s not reorganizing, so say the creditors. If that’s true and Tierney’s delays or non-actions are bad enough, they’ll allow the creditors to go forward. Or at least, the court should let the creditors go ahead, or at least give Tierney & Co. a stern talking-to, and not, say, just roll over and give PNI a sixty-day extention, LIKE THEY JUST DID. Nevertheless, the barbarians are at the gate, and the lock is weakening. That’s the story. And of course, we’re still boycotting. Just in case you were wondering about any of that.

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Philebrity Cribs: Live In Wash West LIKE A BOSS For Just $5.9M!

You know, part of the nice thing about everybody being broke as a joke all at the same time is that, suddenly, everyone can finally have a group hug and acknowledge the fact that there are beautiful things in the world none of us will ever, ever have. Take, for instance, 814-16 Pine Street. You’ve walked by this place a million times. You’ve always wondered what was inside. Well, wonder no more. Whoa Nelly:

Design and craftsmanship that has not existed since the days of Rockefeller and JP Morgan. This Great Gatsby Gilded Era Italianate mansion is restored to its original grandeur. This 9000 SF Townhome and 4500 SF garden has every imaginable amenity in its 4 stories, 6 BR’s, 5 full baths, 2 powder rms and finished basement. Each room tells a story and the walls resound with history. Hand-painted murals and gilded plaster frieze work adorn 12′ ceilings while massive pocket doors open into elegant rooms aglow with 10 Frank Furness fireplaces and massive crystal chandeliers. Light pours through stained glass windows and skylights. Modernization discreetly comforts you with a new elevator, 4-car garage + gated parking, radiant-heat flrs, zoned a/c, programmed lighting, state of the art security and kitchen appliances rendered in classic style. It is a synthesis of gilded-age luxury and modern sophistication perfectly postured overlooking Pennsylvania Gardens in one of the premier city neighborhoods.

This place makes the Fumo Mansion look like a goddamned La Quinta, and The Half-Million Dollar Fishtown Mansion seem like a West Philly punk squat. And that price tag: $5,950,000 , which you could safely assume would boil down to a monthly mortgage payment of around $30K. Damn. And you thought you were stressed now.

Read about more Philebrity cribs here.

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Captain Freeshit: Win Tickets To See Camera Obscura At The TLA

Fact: Camera Obscura are one of the cutest bands in the world, and we love them for so many obvious reasons. This Scottish group recently released My Maudlin Career, which is easily their strongest record to date, picking up where The Concretes left off and Peter, Bjorn & John could never quite get to. We’re so stoked about their show at the TLA next Monday that we’re presenting it, and as such, we’d like you to come along, too. Wanna? Of course you do. To enter to win tickets, email ihopeiwin[at]philebrity[dot]com with “TELL ME, DO YOU WASH YOUR HAIR IN HONEYDEW?” in the subject header. You’ll automatically be subscribed to the new Philebrity Reader weekly newsletter and win chances for other exclusive free stuff. After the jump, no less than five Camera Obscura videos that are each cuter than a bag puppies covered in cotton candy. (more…)

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Noontime Nuggetz: Christy Moore, “Duffy’s Cut”

“Duffy’s Cut” refers to the storied mass grave site of 57 Irish workers who died near the present-day site of Immaculata College in the mid-1800s. Irish folksinger Christy Moore performs this track, about the affair, on his most recent album, Listen. Christy also does a version of the Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York” that gets us right where we live, every damned time. God, it’s getting all kinds of Lucky Charms up in here today, isn’t it? Guinness for lunch.

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And Now, Five Things You Need To Know About Bloomsday Right Now

1. Bloomsday, of course, is the annual celebration of the life and work of James Joyce, with specific regard to Ulysses, which you probably tell people you’ve read front to back but in fact have not. Anyway, Bloomsday is today.
2. Bloomsday is a huge, huge deal, of course, in Joyce’s native Dublin — if you lived there, you’d be drunk already — but Philly has a longstanding Bloomsday tradition, thanks in very large part to the Rosenbach Museum, which has in its collections the original Ulysses manuscript.
3. And starting right about now, the Rosenbach plays host to a long, long list of notable Philadelphians, all taking turns in reading aloud sections of Ulysses. It’s the only time all year you’ll see Lord Whimsy and Marty Moss-Coane doing the same thing in the same place and want to give them the same hug for being a part of such an awesome tradition.
4. Often, when you see pictures of Joyce, it’s this po-faced depiction, which always struck us as false advertising. We far prefer the faggy, flouncy Joyce as captured by Bernice Abbott at right, Paris 1926. We might live in amazing times, but we’ll never get to live in a time as apparently awesome in every respect as that one was.
5. There’s nothing wrong with saying Dubliners is your favorite Joyce book. In fact, we just did. Best part of it? We’re allowed to celebrate Bloomsday, too. Happy Bloomsday, everybody!

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The Way We Live Now: Burping Contests

Tell the truth: Before you lost your job (or began living in abject fear and dread and hope that you may soon lose your job), you went to the park less. You probably hadn’t flown a kite in years. You read less. You didn’t play as many games, you didn’t spend as much quality time with your friends and family, and you certainly didn’t put things like “Burping Contest, 8PM” in your iCal. And herein lies the secret beauty/silver lining of this recession: By gum, it’s going to make you more of a person. Now, sure, not having health care blows. And dodging creditors, trying to figure out how the bills are gonna get paid, and how/when in the hell you’re gonna find a job are all very stressful things. But look at the silver lining: You’re far more interesting to talk with because you’ve read things and gone places recently, and when you have a conversation with someone at a party, it’s not that lame show-n-tell “Gossssssshhhh, I’m sooooo busy/Yeah I’m realllllly busy, too” nonsense. This is all we could think about when we saw the flyer for Print Liberation’s Burping Contest this Friday, an event that, frankly, we’re not even 100% sure is real. It’s the thought that counts. And sure, we know you’d probably love the security and stability of an honest-to-goodness job right about now, but also, the fact of the matter is, being a new-school Flâneur kind of has a ring to it. Burp.

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This Moment In Stimulus Checks: Another $13.5M In Retro-ish Drug War Money

Today at 2PM outside the Roundhouse, Mayor Michael Nutter, Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey and assorted other City bosses will gather to announce just how the City of Philadelphia will be spending $13.5 million in Byrne Grant Program money, a Dept. of Justice grant program that just had a major pump-up as part of the Federal Stimulus Package. It’ll be worth hearing what they have to say. And possibly a little disheartening, too. For those in the know, the Byrne program represents much of what is totally screwed regarding the U.S. Drug War, by incentivizing low-level drug busts. That’s great in a “get-’em-off-the-street” kind of way, but the back end is that it lands lots of just normal users in the already over-crowded and under-funded prison systems. There’s also the more theoretical stuff about how imprisoning low-level criminals and drug users basically creates a whole new class of more robust felons, not to mention how incentivizing busts basically invites all kinds of nasty things like evidence planting, witness tampering, and so on. On the other hand, money is money, and the Philly Police Department could use some of that, so it’ll be interesting to see just how by-the-book the City takes the Byrne Grant.

Previously: This Moment In Stimulus Checks: $13M For Potholes!

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The Franklin Is Dead, Long Live The Franklin!

Hey, remember when The Franklin Institute went and started trying to make everyone call it simply “The Franklin” because they paid Red Tettemer a whole bunch of money to “re-brand” the museum that singlehandedly made your childhood fun as something “hip” and “with-it?” Dear God, that was painful, kind of like those scenes in Mean Girls when that one girl tries desperately to get people to use the word “fetch” instead of “cool.” Because, like “cool,” nobody ever had any problem with “The Franklin Institute.” It was fine! So now that the museum is quietly, humbly ditching all of this “The Franklin” shit — coincidentally during the very same week that bar called “The Franklin” is opening — we can all breathe a little easier, knowing that we live in a senseless world and if I wanted to, I could ask people to start calling me “Chrissy” and there’s a 50/50 chance that it could stick. Here’s the bummer: There’s no knowing nod in any of this from the parties involved that acknowledges how dumb the whole thing was from the get-go. Get this, from the KYW piece linked above:

“My name is Kat Stein. I’m the director of public relations at the Franklin Institute.”
The what?
“Yes. The Franklin Institute. Actually, the Franklin Institute never went away.”

Then, we got in touch with a different source, also close to this nonsense. They told us:

“One thing I can tell you is that the Institute part never went away — it was just a separation of the museum “The Franklin” versus the science side – which is The Franklin Institute.”

How’s that for staying on message? Put another way: How’s that for stay on mess?

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Readers Cameraphone: It’s Good To Have The Gang, I Mean, The Hulk Back Together Again

Says our reader: “It’s way to early for this weird shit. Hulkamania? Really? Ha.” Says us: Hello, old friend, hello.

Seeing something around town of note? Cameraphone it to: tips[at]philebrity[dot]com.

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This Evening: Ave Maria

>>> Norse post-post-punk-post-punk-revival chanteuse Ida Maria (pictured) plays the North Star Bar. Now, yes, she’s got that song “Better When You’re Naked” that sounds like it was conceived in whole to be used as bed music for MTV between-show teasers and Duel II montage clips, but there’s a rawness and a realness here that’s a lot more appealing than, say, Katy Perry whom, I think we can all agree, represents everything that is dead inside us. Anyway, Ida Maria’s a lot closer to say, Lissy Trullie, or going back a bit, Romeo Void or The Waitresses, but as told to Hefner. Which is pretty awesome, come to think of it.
>>> Can’t wait until our big blowout at the Piazza on Saturday? Fine. The Mural & The Mint at the Piazza At Schmidt’stonight, with 13 dancers, 7PM, Free. Half price bottles of wine at Bar Ferdinand on Monday nights, doncha know.

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