October 7, 2013

Noontime Nuggetz: Ali Wadsworth, “Biding My Time”

Ali Wadsworth “Biding My Time” from Bob Sweeney on Vimeo.

On Friday, when we were letting you know what was going on over the weekend, we referred to Ali Wadsworth, in an effort to inspire you to get your ass to RUBA, as a “hometown hero.” If you didn’t go, and didn’t believe us, proof of that is above in the form of a performance of “Biding My Time” from early this summer.

Yeah, you feel pretty silly for not going to RUBA now, don’t you?

From The Temple Urban Archives: Let This Photo Of Sad Corn Dog Juice Be A Visual Metaphor For Your Monday

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“Scenes at the fast-food takeout places on ground floor of The Gallery.”
Philadelphia Evening Bulletin. October 18, 1977
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We mentioned last week that it is indeed Archives Month Philly, the local celebration of a nationwide happening wherein archivist nerds of all stripes stage events, do all kinds of outreach and generally press upon the public with the simple message that the past, man, the past is a real thing. Today, we remind you that, hey, this is still going on, but also we just wanted to share the above image with you, from Temple Archives via the old Bulletin, because she looks how we (and probably you) feel.

Previously: Archives Month Kicks Off Today, And You Should Really Take Part In It

Flyers Fire Coach, Making Ryne Sandberg The Philly Coach With Most Time Behind The Bench

lavvy_headshotJust under an hour ago, the Philadelphia Flyers front office, unhappy and impatient with an 0-3 start, fired head coach Peter Laviolette. The firing, after only three games, ties an NHL record for the fastest head coach firing ever, and leaves the Phillies’ newly-minted perma-coach Ryne Sandberg as the longest tenured coach of our four major sports teams (when it comes to actual games coached and actual amount of days spent coaching that is, Chip Kelly was hired long before Ryno took over).

We’ve said it before here on the Philebs, but we’re really not big into hockey. So sorry Lavvy, you won’t get the goodbye we gave Charlie. But … uh … people seemed to kinda like you? Later, Lavvy.

UPDATE: Post was updated to clarify what we meant by “longest tenured,” since Chip Kelly spent seven-plus months as “coach” without actually coaching a single game, and MLS is not a major-four sport.



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As It Turns Out, The Pennsyltucky Bigfoot Is Actually A Tree Stump

We thought it was really true this time, but that Pennsyltucky Bigfoot photo was actually just a tree stump, and not two mythical beasts. You know, at least in the good ol’ days it was a guy in a suit.

Readers Cameraphone: Forever/4Ever

Forever. And ever and ever and ever

The companion piece to Forever Boner, Boner 4Ever has a decidedly more boy-band feel to it. And while it’s a tough decision, we’re probably in camp Forever Boner. You?

Seeing something around town of note? Cameraphone it to: tips[at]philebrity[dot]com.



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If You Liked Breaking Bad, Joyce Evans Would Like To Interest You In Some Murder

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Oh. Oh no no no no no no no no no.

If you weren’t sitting on twitter or watching Fox 29 news, you may not know that last night Joyce Evans tweeted that … that … we can’t even think of one word to wrap it all up, but that thing above is what she tweeted.

Evans was alluding to this story, of a drive-by shooting that left one dead, one in critical condition, and four others hospitalized. But hey, it’s just like that show that it’s nothing like, right? Within minutes, Gawker picked it up and #JoyceEvansTweets became a thing (and a trending topic). Here’s one of our favorites:


Look, Evans meant nothing ill with this tweet, we think that’s fairly obvious. But her attempt at … well … whatever she was attempting missed whatever mark she was aiming at so colossally and so blindly that we’d almost rather it was done with some kind of malice at heart. At least then, we could kinda make sense of the whole thing. But this? We have no earthly idea. It’s really the kind of thing that can only happen at Fox 29, but you, Joyce? We thought you were better than this. Keeley? Frederick? Hell, even Jerrick? Yeah, we can see that. But you, Joyce? Is this the kind of shit that goes down once Drayton’s not around anymore?

For now, it seems that it may just be a matter of time before Fox 29, really striving for the title of The Worst News, says to Joyce, “Fuck it, you gettin’ outta this joint.”

October 4, 2013

This Weekend: Totes McOates

FRIDAY:

>>> HI GUYS, IT’S ME, YOUR OLD FRIEND, W. EAKINS PICHS! Welcome to October, where First Friday is at its most meaningful and when your corduroy should be getting its sea legs, but alas: It’s 80 degrees and you have pit stains. Universal horoscope: Do not allow yourself to confuse any of this with your metaphysical situation. It’s bad news. Don’t do it.

>>> Martin Bisi is not a household name, but if you’re reading this, you’re lucky to have a goddamned roof over your head in the first place, you filthy savage. Bisi, in many regards, is the man that was behind the controls of No Wave and all other kinds of freak-ass music, from the Swans to Foetus. He plays Kung Fu Necktie with Invisible Things (ex U.S. Maple / Parts & Labor), Ayeaye (memb. of Bardo Pond & Birds Of Maya) and Jeff Zeigler at 8pm. (Wash this one down with Dandy Dungeon, Brian Langor‘s monthly DJ hang at Fishtown Tavern, just around the corner.

>>> Elswhere: DORKS! DORKS WHO LIKE COMEDY AND PODCASTS! YOU WILL LIKE THIS: Wil Wheaton with Paul & Storm at World Cafe Live. Yes, it’s that Wil Wheaton. Also in Friday Freak News: Oblivians with Strapping Fieldhands and Residuels and God knows who else at Underground Arts. God, I can fucking smell this show from here.

SATURDAY:

>>> Hear me now: Ain’t nothing like Penn Treaty Park on a sunny day. The annual River City Festival is here to put that last sentence in italics for you and your whole baby-bjorn Fishtown family, Gus. Lineup highlights include: Vacationer and Cheers Elephant, among others.

>>> Let us speak of hometown heroes for a moment: Ali Wadworth’s record release party at the RUBA shows one in the making — Wadsworth is an expert roots belter who knows from fun, and the RUBA, if nothing else, is a major signpost for Old Weird Philly rockers of a certain age. Together, memories will be made. Meanwhile, over at the Tower Theater, Hall & Oates will mine the field of memory itself, drawing a line from early ’70s, Temple University up through Whatever Your Old Ass Is Doing Now. HAKUNA MATATA/A-D-U-L-T-E-D-U-C-A-T-I-O-N.

>>> Elswhere: Bouffant Bangout Homecoming Dance at The Barbary, for your Saturday night anthropological expeditionary needs, or for the heads, Marc Ribot’s Ceramic Dog at The Boot & Saddle.

SUNDAY:

>>> Swedish meatballs. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of Swedish motherfucking meatballs. I kind of wish I could take everyone who spent the last two weeks posting on Facebook about Breaking Bad to this and force them to eat Swedish meatballs until they puke as penance for their social media crimes, posting each sweet golden puke to Vine as soon as it happens with the hashtag #ITSNOTTHATGOOD.

>>> Speaking of partying until one pukes: Marky Ramone’s Blitzkreig with Andrew WK on vocals, at the TLA. Tell me why I don’t like Mondays.

Film Sweat: Kenophobia

RECOMMENDED: Let us just get this first bit out of the way: We never thought we’d do it, but we fully recommend you see Alfonso Cuarón‘s terror-porn space-nightmare Gravity in its full IMAX 3D glory. The third dimension may not be necessary, but Gravity is very much a film about putting you into the (space) shoes of Dr. Ryan Stone, played with a reckless abandon for any semblance of calm by Sandra Bullock, and not just watching her terror as if it is hers, but experiencing it as if it’s yours.

A majority of the heavy lifting here falls squarely on Bullock’s shoulders. And we’re luckily Cuarón found her for the role (and reportedly stuck by her casting when the studio didn’t want her), compared to some of the other actresses who were attached to the role. In the wrong hands, it’s Armageddon, but in Bullock’s, it’s Oscar bait.

But even with Bullock in as close to a full-starring role as she’ll ever be, screen-time wise, Cuarón is the real star here. Gravity, which gives Beetlejuice a run for its money for “film with the title character’s least amount of screentime,” is more than a thriller or action-based drama or even blockbuster art-film; it’s a shining achievement for a writer/director who already showed he could master any damn genre he wanted.

Set almost entirely in the empty vacuum of space, where no one can hear you scream, one of the only things you actually do hear is Sandra Bullock screaming. Much to the enjoyment of anyone who scoffs at Star Wars/Trek space fights, and much to the added film-making challenge, the film features no space fireballs and no sound that Stone and her main cohort, George Clooney‘s Matt Kowalski, wouldn’t actually hear. The booms and bwomps you would usually hear when explosions and collisions are happening fall into the hands of Steven Price, whose score is about as essential it gets.

And the visuals? Let us remove our self-assigned “serious reviewer” hat for second to say “holy shit we really though we were floating aimlessly, dangerously, perilously in space.” Okay, hat back on. Standing up out of the seat after the film finished was akin to walking off the treadmill after running in place for a while — a feeling we’re only vaguely familiar with — where you’re a bit rubber-legged and the ground under you just doesn’t feel right. And that is the brilliance of Gravity, and again the IMAX 3D. We can’t remember the last film we saw that really, really tricked our mind into believing the film’s stakes were ours, that the danger was real, and we were part of it all (a handful of first-person shots sure didn’t hurt). You’ll surely hear many words to describe the film’s visuals over the next few months as the film gears up for awards season. You’ll hear “stunning,” “groundbreaking,” “awe-inspiring,” and a whole bunch more. But what Cuarón and his immensely talented effects team really did was create a situation none of us will ever, ever be in, and make it very real. And that’s masterful.

As a final side note and warning: If you are prone to experiencing anxiety when presented with empty voids, heights, catastrophe, being stranded alone, outer space, crashes of any kind, moments of panic, and just about any other terrible situation, you might want to start practicing your breathing exercises now.

ALSO NEW IN THEATERS: Runner Runner, where new-Batman and good ol’ JT team up for a thriller the critics are calling “bland” and “haphazardly assembled;” Haute Cuisine, a foodie-attractive biopic about the personal chef of President François Mitterrand of France, at Ritz Bourse; and Wadjda, at Ritz Bourse & Rave Ritz Center, which is Saudi Arabia’s entry into this year’s Foreign Language Oscar race, the first feature-length film made by a female Saudi director, and the recipient of near-universal acclaim, if that’s your thing.

For more recommendations on films currently in theaters, visit Philebrity’s Film Sweat archive. And click here for movie times. Need repertory film? Try Cinedelphia.

Here Are Your Art Listings For This Weirdly Hot First Friday

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It’s October, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel like it. So hit up some art galleries, enjoy some light snacks and beverages, and demand they turn on the A/C. As always, click the image above for your full First Friday listings.

Meanwhile In Pennsyltucky: Bigfootin’

h and the hSometimes, we think Pennsylvania might be too big. For example, Kinzua Bridge State Park, where somebody just spotted some “Sasquatches,” resides in the same commonwealth as we do, but is roughly the same distance away from us as Boston.

But hey, we’re all under the same flag, and Bigfoot sightings in PA aren’t really all that rare. Josh Stevens, a PhD candidate at Penn State, mapped out 92 years worth of Bigfoot sightings into one, sadly not-interactive map. And as you can see over here — and on the real big version of the map here – there’s actually a handful of reported sightings that took place within a short drive of where you probably are right now.

We’re skeptical — because uh … no shit — but Cryptozoology fascinates at least one member of team Phielbs, and even he points out, “These pictures just look like M. Night Shyamalan is shooting a terrible sequel to The Village.” But hey, if you’re doing any camping this fall, keep your eyes out. And if you so see a ‘squatch, Vine that shit.

Corbett Clarifies: Gay Marriage Is More Like Bro/Sis Incest Than, You Know, Child Sex

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“One governor surveyed, top five answers on the board: IT’S LIKE… INCEST!”

Some of you may recall this thing two months back, when the Corbett administration filed suit to block the MontCo gay marriages, alleging that same-sex marriages were wrong in a way that, say, allowing pre-pubescent children to marry would be wrong (causing many of us to wonder whether Corbett had actually spent any time in Pennsylvania). Those seeking clarity on the matter can breathe easy today, however; in an interview on local Harrisburg television this morning, Corbett was asked about all of this, and he admitted the following:

“It was an inappropriate analogy, you know,” Corbett said. “I think a much better analogy would have been brother and sister, don’t you?”

Though Corbett seemed satisfied with his answer (see screengrab above), one has to wonder: What is his endgame in alienating not the gays, but rather his Pennsyltucky constituency for whom this is, you know, a thing?

Recommended Reading: Pat Murphy Lost An Election Because Of Obamacare, And He’s Fine With That

Rep_patrick_murphy_2009_largeFormer Pennsylvania Representative Patrick Murphy lost his job over his support for the Affordable Care Act. Like many others, once he supported the so-called “Obamacare,” a figurative target was on his back to make sure h did not win re-election. It worked.

Murphy lost the election, and has since been hoagiemouthin’ all over the place at MSNBC. And it is there where Murphy addresses the issue of whether losing his seat because of Obamacare was “worth it.” Murphy says, in part:

Sometimes, in a reflective moment sitting in the church pew, when I’m not trying mightily to enlist my 6-year-old daughter to keep my 3-year-old son quiet, I think about whether, despite all the good it has done and will do, voting for Obamacare was worth it …

But hearing the heartbreaking stories of so many families who were denied coverage–who went bankrupt because of medical bills–that was too much for me. In 2010 alone, 26,100 people prematurely died due to lack of health coverage. That is immoral. How can anyone rationalize that the greatest country on Earth, with the best doctors, stood by decade after decade as fellow Americans died prematurely because they didn’t have access to health insurance? Whether it was a pre-existing condition or affordability, something had to be done. Every major stakeholder–doctors, seniors, hospitals, PhRMA–all came together and endorsed Obamacare. But that is policy, not politics …

Let me be clear, like any bill, there needs to be changes made. But my father taught me, ‘If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.’ I’m damn proud I stood up and voted for Obamacare. It was the right thing to do, even if it did cost my reelection.”

You can read Murphy’s whole essay over here.

And Now, 20 Planned Kiosks For That URBN Lifestyle Village

Did you know Urban Outfitters is leasing land in Devon to make a “lifestyle experience that will meet the taste level of the Devon community?” Well, it is. And part of the plan of this … ugh … “lifestyle experience” is for Urban to operate two spots — Anthropologie and Terrain, “which will include plant nurseries and a farm-to-table café.” According to Main Line Media, Urban is looking to do something nicer here, more “consistent.” Dave Ziel, chief development officer for Urban Outfitters, told MLM, “When you see a lifestyle center you often see a Chico’s, a J. Crew, a Cheesecake Factory. That’s not what we’re about.” And while some part of us says how dare he deprive Devon of the Cheesecake Factory it so rightly deserves, we get what he’s saying. And we got a sneak peak at some of the planned kiosks for this … ugh … “lifestyle experience,” and we totally get it. Don’t tell anyone we told you, but here’s what is going to be there:

>>> Moustache Hut
>>> Auntie Regretsy’s Vegan Cookie Shack
>>> Chomsky’s
>>> The Cat Giffery
>>> Orange Julius
>>> Fixie Heaven
>>> P.F. Bangs, A Pan-Asian Hair Salon Experience
>>> Warby Porker Sex Toy Emporium
>>> Pizza Brain
>>> Mumford & Buns
>>> The LARPer Image
>>> Aoki’s Gifts (it’s like Spencer’s but somehow more gross)
>>> Nordstrom Rack Of Vintage Punk Leather Jackets
>>> Fedora
>>> Beard & Body Works
>>> Vicetoria’s Secret
>>> Old Navy
>>> Build-A-Bro Workshop
>>> Forever 12

And an on-site legal kiosk to deal with whatever current copyright lawsuit they have going on.

Here’s Last Night’s Fox29 Report On Molly That’s Causing Local Teens To Get Weird Looks From Their Parents Today

Philadelphia News, Weather and Sports from WTXF FOX 29

Only once or twice or a dozen times in a normal human lifespan does a hot new drug hit the mainstream that has a human name. And when it does, you just gotta anthropomorphise it. IT’S WHAT ALL THE KIDS ARE DOING. And with that in mind, here’s a little passage that was included in last night’s Fox 29 ten-o-clock news report on Molly:

She’s just as big at popular music festivals as she is in popular music. Molly is the street term for ecstasy in pills and it’s marketed as a pure form of mdma, but the experts tracking it in the field say it’s anything but.”

And that’s after the report opens up with a talk with this one dude from Delaware who went to a concert with “mutli-colored flashing lights and electronic dance music” and people kept asking him for Molly but he kept saying “Nope, sorry dear friend, but I do not partake.” We know they were going for something here, and we’ll give Fox some effort points, but it comes off like Bryant Gumbel trying to talk about the internet.

Republicans Who Claim To Have Shut Down The Gov’t In The Spirit Of The Founding Fathers Also Shut Down Where They’d Have Gone For A Beer

A lesser known casualty of all of this government shutdown nonsense? City Tavern. And if those morons, elected by the people, think they’re still doing this because it’s what the founding fathers would have wanted, let us say this: We doubt they’d want anything getting between them and a nice cold beer after a long day of founding a nation. But hey, that’s just us.

October 3, 2013

This Evening: Makin’ It Up

>>> Over at Yards Brewing, in just a little bit, they’ll be celebrating National Manufacturing Day. Starting at 5:30PM, you can swing by the brewery for a free pint or two of beer, some light snacks, and maybe a tour. On hand to hang out and talk about manufacturing and its importance in Philadelphia will be a whole bunch of really smart people, so why not learn a little — or, at the very least, practice your “oh yeah, I’m totally listening to you while I sip this beer” look.
>>> That Flaming Lips and Tame Impala show we gave tickets out for is going on tonight at Festival Pier, and really, it couldn’t be a better night for it.
>>> And elsewhere in shows: Friend of the Philebs (and friend of you, if you really want him to be) Wesley Stace plays World Cafe Live with Pete Donnelly; Blondie and X play the Keswick Theater as part of the No Principals Tour; and Bill Callahan plays the First Unitarian Church.

Right Now On Phoodie: Local (Top?) Chefs, Hot Dogs, And Night Markets


· Top Chef New Orleans First Thoughts

· Last Night Market Of 2013: Forget It Jake, It’s Chinatown

· Greater Links For The Lesser Sports

Obsession Of The Moment: Nick Drake’s Mom’s Bandcamp Page

Confession: We started listening to Nick Drake sometime in the 1990s and have never really stopped. It’s at the point now where we get excited for autumn because that is the season when Nick Drake sounds the best, the season when Nick Drake hair and shoes and outfits make the most sense, the season when you can drink the drinks that go best with Bryter Layter and the rest of it. Once a year, we wind up pitching some outdoor space or another on the idea of forming a Nick Drake Appreciation Society, dedicated to the sole activity of listening to the music of Nick Drake en plein air in the early evening, friends and lovers turning out with flasks and bottles of wine, to take in some Nick amidst the dying sun. (No takers? Seriously? You people don’t know how to live.) What is the attraction, you wonder. It could just be a matter of taste and it could just be a series of pleasant/beautifully melancholy associations that Drake triggers, but it could also be that this is just music for the ages, simultaneously earthen and glowing and deeply moving and just lovely in every way. We’ve never met a person that didn’t like Nick Drake whom we could take seriously.

So it was with welcome ears that we learned earlier today that a limiting pressing of Molly Drake’s home recordings is being made available on vinyl. Molly Drake was the mother of Nick, and a part-time poet and songwriter, whose work was recorded on the fly by her husband and then remained more or less undiscovered until recent years, when ditties here and there began to pop up on compilations and bootlegs and the like. What is it like? Well, it’s very Downton Abbey/Foyle’s War in a lot of ways, but it is also, as the email here tells us, “a powerful foreshadowing to [Nick's] style of playing.” Which is to say: It’s actually completely beautiful.

GORE-TEX Sponsors The Philadelphia Marathon, Just In Case It’s Scary Cold

costanza gore tex

The 20th annual Philadelphia Marathon is about a month away, and now, it has a title sponsor. According to Philly.com, “Mayor Michael Nutter announced that GORE-TEX will join the Philadelphia Marathon as title sponsor for the race’s 20th anniversary.” The article continues:

‘We looked for a partner that would be committed to enhancing the runner experience; a partner that is also innovative in the technology that can help support runners goals on race day and we found that partner in GORE-TEX‘ … W.L. Gore & Associates, manufactures of Delaware-based GORE-TEX product-line, are innovative creators of waterproof materials found in recreational outerwear and footwear. This is not GORE-TEX’s first race sponsorship, as Kirk Christensen, Global Leader of GORE-TEX Running Footwear, said they’ve sponsored ultra-runs before but wanted to move into the marathon atmosphere … The GORE-TEX Philadelphia Marathon weekend will include more than 3,000 volunteers, 30,000 runners and 60,000 spectators … ‘The great thing about GORE-TEX is’ … Race weekend features the GORE-TEX Philadelphia Marathon and Half Marathon on Sunday November 17th.”

We just think they like saying GORE-TEX.

America, You Are Batshit Crazy And We’d Like To Break Up With You, But We Don’t Know How


Sigh. Go ahead. Turn on CNN. It’s not like anything else is getting done.