December 18, 2013

In An Alternate Reality, Mega-Bro Party Site “I’m Shmacked” Shutters After UDel Riots


6ABC’s David Henry isn’t even close to being the whitest dude in this video

I’m Shmacked, the party throwing (and recording) series that is responsible for a lot of your concern as the parent of a college-aged kid, has been forced to shut down in the aftermath of the “riot party” at University of Delaware in September. Oh wait, sorry, that’s not from this timeline. What actually happened is they got $5 million in venture capitol to keep throwing totally bro-crazy parties brooooo.

The people behind the sickest party videos you’ll ever see brah are also setting their eyes on a TV deal (we’re pretty sure this is why Spike TV even exists, plus it would fuel the circle of life with Campus PD). According to Brobible:

In other I’m Shmacked related news, rumors on the Internet have been circulating pointing at a bidding war between several major Hollywood production companies for their television and theatrical rights, Toufanian refused to comment stating, “We would like our privacy as we continue to scale I’m Shmacked.”

The theatrical rights are probably the most important part, because Project X was such a success.

December 17, 2013

Who’s Who In Philebrity Awards Nominees: New Musical Artist Of The Year

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Hello all current, past, and potential voters for the Philebrity Awards. Welcome. We’re here to break down each category and its nominees in our attempt to help you along if you don’t know which way to vote, and just letting you know more about this year’s nominees. Today’s category is New Musical Artist of the Year, and remember, you can vote here. So meet us after the jump as we tell you more about this year’s nominees.

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That Death Of Newspapers Doc, Starring Larry Platt’s Testicle, Can Be Watched Online

TRAILER: Black & White and Dead All Over from Lenny Feinberg on Vimeo.

Back in January we first saw the trailer for Black & White And Dead All Over, which “takes a look at America’s thinning newspaper industry through the lens of Philadelphia.” The doc airs on NYC’s PBS station tonight, and the Daily Beast has little bit more on the film. For instance, that it “all starts” with Larry Platt’s testicle. Additionally, as any feature about the death of a Philadelphia newspaper would, it features some screentime for Byko. According to the Beast, Byko relates the failings of the Daily News to a topic near and dear to his heart: Hookers. Byko says:

The publishers turned their backs on a business model that had sustained them for 300 years. And, like lemmings, they all went over the cliff. They didn’t want to be left behind. ‘We don’t want to look old-fashioned.’ … The stupidest hooker knows you get paid upfront. ‘Put it on the dresser, honey.’ These fucking idiots, these titans of industry, didn’t think about getting paid. They allowed themselves to get fucked and there was no money at the end.”

You hear that, newspapers? You’re not even like the good, smart hookers Byko knows. Shame on you. The whole doc can be seen online here.



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Meanwhile, In Delco: Please, We Beg You, Stop Making Fun Of The Old Man With The Cane

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For those of you not in the know (or luckily, not often in Delco), let us tell you about Sound Off. Sound Off is a daily section of the Delaware County Daily Times where truly magical things happen. On the surface, it’s just a place where the regular Joe Plumber-Delco can voice his or her opinions in the paper. But, when you dig deeper, you realize it’s a beautiful cacophony of, confusion, insanity, and things that just should not be printed in a newspaper, or anywhere.

There are usually three different kind of Sound Offs: 1. The politically crazy (like the guy who asked, “What if the recipient gets ahold of the [Amazon] drone and reprograms it for terrorism?”), 2. Old people complaining about things (“I can look out my window and tell that it’s snowing. Some of us have worked hard for 40-plus years and would like to enjoy our retirement with The Price Is Right.”), and 3. Miscellaneous insanity.

The image above captures a rare insanity-trifecta in yesterday’s Daily Times, with someone who is being really self-conscious about their car window, someone praising the Seuss-ification of politics, and some poor, poor old man who just doesn’t want to be laughed at. Actually, on second thought, that last one is kinda sad. Stop it, kids of Delco. Leave that old man alone.

Noontime Nuggetz: Did You Guys Know That This Was What Happened Once An Hour At That Winterfest Thing?

Bright Lights, Big Santa from Klip Collective on Vimeo.

Because we didn’t! Above, Klip Kollective‘s utterly insane holiday projection suite for The Lodge at Waterfront Winterfest, with track by DJ Si Young and choreography by Kate Watson-Wallace. And if you have a mind to check it out this Friday night, please be sure to stop by and say hi to these goofballs:

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But The Big Story On Philly.com Today Is Something That Was On Hidden City A Month Ago

That Broad and Spruce Tower that’s the next step in the mass delusion of Philly’s rich people to make Broad St. like Central Park West? Um, yeah. This town.

We Would Be Remiss If We Did Not Show You This Photo Of Steve Wynn Falling Asleep At A Casino Hearing In Some Other Luckless Burg


Oh, hay Steve! We were just talking about you! Yeah, we were just saying how it didn’t work out and stuff and… Steve? Steve? You OK? Oh, I know, it’s this gray weather. Makes you just wanna curl up and snuggle and watch TV. Totally. I know.

Oh, So Thaaaaat’s Why Philly.com Doesn’t Really “Do” Satire

You know, besides it being a raucous-yet-disheartening parody of itself, day in and day out. But at some point overnight — 3:10am, to be exact — Philly.com hit “publish” on this faux-editorial on major cuts at Temple University that was not quite up to Swift-ian standards:

“With the advent of auto-correct and self-publishing by Amazon, English is an unnecessary major. There is no need to produce more unemployable students.”

If the byline — one Bob Wegbreit — rings a bell, then you’re probably an avid follower of his previous work at Philly.com, covering Narberth City Council.

(That last bit, alas, is also not satire.)

Hall And Oates To Actually Be Inducted Into The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame And Oates

rock hallBack in October, we first found out about Hall and Oates making the long-list for next year’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions. At the time, when talking about the entirety of the long-list, we said this:

Most of those groups above (The ‘Mats, [Peter] Gabriel, Zombies, [Linda] Ronstadt) deserve to be in the hall, even if it means very little. And you know what, so does Hall and Oates.”

Well, of those names we mentioned, only The Replacements and The Zombies missed the cut: According to Pitchfork, via Rolling Stone, “Nirvana, Peter Gabriel, Kiss, Hall and Oates, Cat Stevens, Linda Ronstadt will all be inducted … [and] Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band are receiving the Award for Musical Excellence.” Just try to picture that night-ending superjam right now, with John and Daryl and Dave Grohl and Peter Gabriel and Yusuf Islam, all playing “Beth.” That’s how it’ll go down, right?

Just Added To Thursday’s #philebrityawards Xmas Pageant: Creem Circus! Johnny Showcase! Teen Men!

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Click here to invite friends on Facebook.

Well, we’re in the home stretch now: With voting on this year’s Philebrity Awards Polls closing this Thursday afternoon, the lineup for the Totally Secular, Non-Denominational Xmas Pageant portion of the show is now finally locked in with three late-breaking additions all performing holiday jams: Must-see glam rockers Creem Circus, lovable Spinto Band spinoffs Teen Men, and nominee in the category of General Fabulousness, the one and only Johnny Showcase!

December 16, 2013

Recommended Reading: Inga Saffron Has No Love For Darrell Clarke’s Love Park Plan

In what is perhaps a last minute effort to boost her Philebrity Awards votes, Inga Saffron throws some common sense at Darrell Clarke’s plans for Love Park, saying:

As a general strategy, there is nothing wrong with Clarke’s approach. Nor is it particularly groundbreaking. In the last few years, the city has transformed the lackluster Franklin Square and Sister Cities Park into wildly successful public spaces by installing concessions and using the rent for white-glove maintenance and free events. That public-private model was perfected 25 years ago at Manhattan’s Bryant Park and is used today in cities around the country. As long as the emphasis is on the public part of the partnership, it’s a good way for cities to get high-quality parks.

Clarke’s plan, though, seems to be more about making money. If Philadelphia were actually able to secure leases for seven food vendors, there wouldn’t be much room left for anyone else.

In Clarke’s plan, 26,000 square feet is set aside for commerce, about 30 percent of the park. Compare that with Bryant Park, which is sometimes criticized for being too commercialized. Private uses occupy just 5 percent of the land, according to Daniel A. Biederman, who runs the Bryant Park Corp.”

Saffron goes on to break into why seven was the number of restaurants decided on in the plan (“Seven cafes are what fits, not what the market can bear”), the possible shady-ness of the architect, and the real purpose of parks. The whole thing is worth a read here, and you can boost Saffron’s vote tally over here.

Yes TLA Video, We Would Love A Beer And A Movie

And we’d really like to drink a beer and watch a movie in that warehouse you already own. Make it happen.

Holiday Jams: Ben Cady, “Souvenirs”

In the realm of holiday jams, there are the obvious ones, and there are the not-so-blatant ones that may only seem holiday-tinged to a few people. Sure, John Prine’s “Souvenirs” mentions Christmas (by saying “All the snow has turned to water / Christmas days have come and gone / Broken toys and faded colors / Are all that’s left to linger on”), but it’s not the usual cheery sleigh ride through holiday memories. To Ben Cady though, this is a holiday jam, no question, and he turns in a great rendition above. After all, not every Christmas is merry and bright.

Previously: Taggart, “Snow Day (Take It Easy)”You Do You, “All I Want For Christmas Is You” Da Dads, “Slim Santa”Work Drugs, “Never Gonna Be Alone On Christmas”

One Point For The Cabbies: Uber Reportedly Price Gouged Rides In Saturday’s Bad Weather


But to be fair, we had a cabbie who just totally ran a stop sign on Saturday, so ya get what you pay for: As it basically snowed/rained/sleeted sideways on Saturday, some of you still had places to be. And rather than take an unreliable cab — which might still be driving as recklessly as they all do — maybe you decided to throw some extra money out there to take an Uber ride. If you did that, you may have seen what a whole bunch of other people saw (and tweeted at Uber about): The prices were higher.

Uber’s practice of raising the cost of their service in bad weather conditions (aka when the customer would need it the most) — something more commonly known as price gouging — is not something they hide. In fact, according to the Valleywag piece on the company’s NYC price bumps — taking the ride up to 7x what it usually costs:

Uber CEO Travis Kalanick is an adamant defender of his company’s gouging practices, suggesting they’re not going to change anytime soon. By jacking up the price of a standard UberX ride by a factor of seven or eight, Kalanick says he’s incentivizing drivers to work during horrendous winter hell-storms, popular Saturday nights, or any other time when people really want to use Uber. More cars, more rides, everyone’s happy.”

Even our own tweet to the company, after it was piggy-backed by someone else, got a response from Uber that totally skirted the price issue. But even as Valleywag points out, this is almost kinda fair. You don’t have to take Uber places (though it’s nice to, when it’s snowing sideways and your cabbie is waiting until he’s ten feet from an intersection to apply the brakes at a red light), and the people driving those Uber rides need some incentive to go out there and pick you up too. As the one tweet about the repeated cancellation proved, they don’t really have to come get you. But now we know, the next time we see snow in the forecast, we’ll have to run down to the Coinstar machine so we can get that ride we need.

Noontime Nuggetz: And Now, Here’s Santa Swinging On A Giant Ball, You Know, For Kids

While we’re over here asking you guys to send us all your holiday tunes, it’s worth remembering that the holiday season is also prime-time for parody — not that we have to remind you. Nothing has been more parodied this year than Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” video, but the one above, from our own Dave and Brian, has a distinctly Christmas vibe. The video has already got 170,000+ views (and Mashable talked about it), so you might as well check it out now before everyone you know posts it on Facebook.

Six Jettisoned Ad Campaigns For Philly Public Schools

News comes this morning that City Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds-Brown may be backing off her ill-advised proposal to use the walls of Philly schools for advertising, potentially generating much-needed revenue but also destroying human souls. With both Council and advertisers getting cold feet already, the Philly ad world is abuzz with the news that the following campaigns may already be red-lined:

- Brightly colored Sugarhouse touchscreen billboard that is actually a slot machine that pulls money directly from child user’s future student loans.

- Newport: Alive With Pleasure!

- WeBuyAnySchool.com

- Forthcoming Beats By Dre campaign announcing new “PowerBoost” bass setting that will “‘def-fen’ you, thereby distracting you from the pain that will inevitably arise when someone tries to beat or kill you for your totally dope Beats headphones.”

- “Announcing Tastykake ‘Blondells’: A delicious new transfat-laden cookie embedded with a high frequency microchip that only obese children can hear! A portion of proceeds goes to PIFA Festival.”

- For some reason, this:

The People Who Gave You Tom Corbett Spent The Weekend In NYC Arguing Over Who Gets To Be The Top Hat In Monopoly

We would have made this one of those “Recommended Reading” posts, but really, this just made our skin crawl:

At a gathering in the Louis XVI Suite of the Waldorf to honor the Republican leader of the State House, Mike Turzai, a fellow lawmaker in a Santa Claus tie balanced a Scotch and a plate of shrimp in one hand while a lobbyist described a bill he had drafted. “We’ll be sure to bury it,” chuckled the State House member, throwing his shrimp-free arm around the lobbyist’s shoulders.

Nevertheless, gubernatorial campaign watchers may wanna hold their nose and look in, if only to come away with the following question: Kathleen Kane?

Public Invited To Quietly Seethe, Not Speak At Next Month’s Casino Hearings

So where were we when we last discussed Philly Casino 2: Bullshit Boogaloo? Oh right: Steve Wynn fell out of love, Market8 exposed its shiny phallus to you, and Sugarhouse threw a hissyfit. Now, as Bart Blatstein begins to move in for the kill and give us The Broad Street You Never Knew You Wanted, all there is to do and wait for the next step: January’s public suitability hearings next month, held by the PA Gaming Control Board, to which the public is invited to attend but, you know, not speak.

The hearing schedule is as follows:

Tuesday, January 28, 2014 from 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. – PA Gaming Ventures, LLC (Hollywood Casino Philadelphia) with proposed location at 700 Packer Avenue
Tuesday, January 28, 2014 from 2:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. – Tower Entertainment, LLC (The Provence) with proposed location at 400 North Broad Street
Wednesday, January 29, 2014 from 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. – Market 8 Associates (Casino Philadelphia) with proposed location at 8th and Market Streets
Wednesday, January 29, 2014 from 2:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m. – PHL Local Gaming, LLC (Casino Revolution) with proposed location at 3333 South Front Street
Thursday, January 30, 2014 from 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. – Stadium Casino, LLC (Live! Hotel and Casino) with proposed location at 900 Packer Avenue

These things will also be webcast on the PAGCB’s website, and after the hearings the Board will finally make its decision. We’d love to tell you that “no confidence” is an option, but probably not.

And Now, Today’s GOOD NEWS: Killadelphia Be Gone

From your old pal/vibe sherpa Vernon Odom:

Philadelphia Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey tells us, “We’re on pace to have the lowest number of murders in this city since 1967.”

Now, who knows, right? Who knows how the popo cooks these numbers, who knows if some megaviolent outburst currently awaits us, who knows what kind of crap we need to ameliorate the shame that comes with knowing that, even though the murder rate in Philadelphia is on track to be down 39%, 225 (so far) is still a goddamned large number of bodies. People who died. And for what? And before we get too stoked, just check GunCrisis because the awfulness still abounds. But if we are to believe that in 1967, people were just a little more human, and that the word “Killadelphia” was always a horrific slur — PS it still is — well, this is in the direction of good news.

So there you have it: The world is not totally made of shit. Have you got some good news? If so, send it to tips[at]philebrity[dot]com with “GOOD MOTHERFUCKING NEWS!” in the subject header — we’d love to hear about it.

December 13, 2013

This Weekend: Express Yourself

FRIDAY:

>>> Legendary soul man Lee Fields and his band the Expressions take the stage at Union Transfer with support from Market East and Aaron & The Spell.
>>> WINTERWALTZ continues, as YACHT plays Underground Arts along with a Vacationer DJ Set, Locals+Only, Les Professionnels, Jansen, and Baby Eagle. At the Electric Factory, earlier in the evening, Washed Out plays with support from Damn Right.
>>> Down at the Waterfront Winterfest, the Universal Cave guys are bringing smooth jams to the heated Lodge.
>>> And all weekend long, No Reservations is playing at the Skybox at the Adrienne Theater. It’s the closing weekend though, so it’ll be your last chance to see “this thoroughly modern retelling of the Nativity is a classic tale re-imagined for our times: iPhones, TMZ, the Twitterverse, and an unforgettable “reality” show featuring a very timely birth.”

SATURDAY:

>>> Philebrity Award for General Fabulousness nominee Johnny Showcase brings his Lefty Lucy Cabaret to Connie’s Ric Rac for “A Christmas with my Friends.”
>>> Elsewhere in the Holiday spirit, that Work Drugs Christmas jam at Johnny Brenda’s is going on.
>>> Out in the ‘burbs, the Ardmore Music Hall is playing host to a bunch of locals as Toy Soldiers, Ali Wadsworth, Satellite Hearts, and the Bernhardt Family Band hit the stage.
>>> And day one of the holiday edition of the annual Punk Rock Flea Market kicks off, where you can buy gifts for all the people on your list, but also, more importantly, yourself.

SUNDAY:

>>> The first two of five screenings of the Kathleen Hanna doc, The Punk Singer, unspool at PhilaMOCA at 8PM and 10PM.
>>> Punk Rock Flea Market day two, featuring an entirely new docket of vendors, goes on all day long.
>>> You can find yourself a seat next to our own Adam Brodsky at the National Museum of American Jewish History’s Allan Sherman lecture.
>>> And if “Little Saint Nick” hasn’t already burrowed itself into your brain in as painful a way as possible, you can check out the Beach Boys at the Keswick.