As people who live and work in Center City, we have been at psychological war with the thing known as Center City Sips (vocal fry pronunciation: “SSSepppsssss”) for quite some time. Bartenders hate it (like Restaurant Week, it tends to bring out cheap, non-loyal customers), alcoholics hate it (get out of my way, I have business to do here) and pedestrians hate it (see: alcoholics). Nevertheless, like some funhouse evil version of Elizabeth Warren, it persists.
SSSepppssss is back, we are told, on Wednesday evenings from June 7 until August 30 (when presumably, the streets will once again be ours), and with it, something new: The CCD Sips Style Guide. (Pronunciation key: “SSSepppsssss STAHL GAH.”) It features “influencers” for whom it’s fun to imagine nihilist captions. (“I come to SSSepppssss to be among these basics so that I may destroy co-worker relationships; it is easy, and good for them.”) It hips you to something called “Kiehls,” and another thing called “Old Navy.” It suggests that you should check back soon to find the specials that will be on offer at the Banana Republic Factory Store. The way it tries is beautiful.
Meanwhile, SSSepppssss lies in wait. Here is the list of establishments whose immediate pathways it shall render impassable this summer. May God have mercy on all of them.