Attn. Big Money Bros: Finnigan’s Wake For Sale For A Paltry $5 Million

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Finnigan’s Wake — which, while we’re at it, really should be Finnegan’s Wake — the hot spot for all of the tweeeeeens, bros, cover bands, high life drinkers, and people who still watch MTV, is up for sale. For a cool $5 million, you could be the proud owner of all of that sweaty, gross, embarrassing insanity of a “bar” that gives you the shiver down your spine every time its name is mentioned. All year long, you’ll be inundated with douchebags of all stripes, and for that, they should really pay you.

And as an extra appeal to possible buyers, the 19,140 square foot property is allowed to have balconies/a rooftop deck, just in case you need to cram even more people in nineteen thousand square feet.

9 Responses to “Attn. Big Money Bros: Finnigan’s Wake For Sale For A Paltry $5 Million”

  1. phlhui Says:

    Gotta laugh at hipsters calling other people douchebags.
    WeknowWeknowWeknowWeknowWeknow by now that anyone who’s values working out and buys their clothes at the mall are douchebags to you people. We know.
    Get over the teen angst already.

  2. philebrity Says:

    Your copyediting is atrocious.

  3. JP Says:

    This review is absurd… everything has a place, it just so happens that the scum of the city/bridge trolls happens to go here. This bar still holds its true Irish roots by frequently having traditional Celtic events on a somewhat regular basis. I myself have had many good times here, over many years for various events…and yes have my run in with some undesirables but it is what you make it. Sorry the inhabitants of the place don’t quite fit the snobbish etiquette that you most likely par-take in. Calm yourself and be respectful.

  4. philebrity Says:


    “Thanks for proving [DEEZ NUTS]. Try being a little more [HOMOPHOBIC THING I WANTED TO SAY BUT I’M JUST ON THE GOOD SIDE OF ACTUALLY SAYING IT]. I didn’t consider online comments worth proofreading. You have my permission to do it for me if you like.”

  5. philebrity Says:


    “[E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!]”

  6. phlhui Says:

    You’ll have to explain “DEEZ NUTS” to me. I’m not cool enough to understand.

    You’d like to think I’m homophobic though, wouldn’t you.

    This is for you, btw:

  7. phlhui Says:

    Well that’s twice you’ve attributed random lowbrow tastes to me out of desperation. What’s wrong, can’t defend your bullshit? Looking forward to the Miller Lite/Xfinity Live!/Jager Bomb accusations.

  8. philebrity Says:

    I can tell you’ve got a lot riding on this.

  9. Franny Rocks Says:

    You are a total jerk this is one of the best places in philly

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