Dept. Of Not-Well-Thought-Out Conspiracy Theories: The Pope, If There Is One, Will Be Here In 2015 To Show Us The Mark Of The Beast

20130225-110348.jpgBecause they have nothing better to do, The Vatican has just confirmed that on September 22 – 27, 2015, the Pope (or, rather, some pope, a pope, any pope) will be here in Philadelphia to celebrate something called World Family Day. Now, to be sure, this will be a boon to Philly tourism, leaving mediocre tips in its wake at restaurants from here to the airport, but what exactly is World Family Day?

It’s a question worth asking: World Family Day is the main outreach program for something called the Pontifical Council for the Family, established by Pope John Paul II in 1981 which, among other things, “promotes and coordinates pastoral efforts related to the issue of responsible procreation, and encourages, sustains and coordinates initiatives in defense of human life in all stages of its existence, from conception to natural death.” So basically, The Pope will be flying into Philly in Fall 2015 on a magic carpet, spreading the news that birth control is morally wrong, abortion should be illegal and the euthanized are going to hell. And it’s not just Tom Corbett that is along for the ride; Mayor Nutter is an honorary chairman, too. But, if you can believe it, it all gets even a little kookier than that.

According to several tin-foil hat groups/websites out there, World Family Day is also a harbinger of end times. No, seriously:

When the pope now says that we should have Sunday as a day of rest for the family, he is promoting the counterfeit, unbiblical day of rest. Sunday means the sun’s day and not the Son’s day. The first Sunday law was in the year 321 AD. It was the emperor Constantine who joined together those who worshipped the sun on the first day of the week, Sunday, with those who began to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection on the first day of the, Sunday. They called the day the sun’s day or Sunday. On the other hand, there were people who continued to keep the Biblical day of rest, the Sabbath, the seventh day, which lasts from sunset on Friday to sunset on Saturday, (Gen. 1:19; Neh. 13:15-21). It is from this point in time that we have a marked separation between the Bible’s day of rest and the man-made day of rest, Sunday. The Bible says that this conflict will come into focus in the time of the end in connection with whether we will worship God as Creator or will worship the beast and receive its mark (Rev. 14:6-12).

Okaaaaaaaaaaay then. We bring this up for a few reasons: A) That is fucking weird; B) It also shows that this whole visit is weird (Philly being the, with the possible exception of Baltimore, city in America with the highest level of what we lovingly as Catholics call “Catholic damage”); and C) It throws into relief what might be the Church’s game in general these days: To be just a little less crazy than the absolute craziest shit that is out there.