Bernie Parent Advises Us To “Stay Horny” And “Find Your Wolf,” Just Because


Hi I’m Bernie and I am the former goalie of the Philadelphia Flyers. The fears I have faced and battled have allowed me to find the wolf inside. The wolf would not let my fear of the unknown hold me back, and I reaped the greatest benefits. Unleash your wolf, and do it together.

You know, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and many of you may be asking the same question: How do I get someone to be with me on Valentine’s Day/What should I do on Valentine’s Day to really make it special? Luckily, for some absurd and strange reason, Flyers great Bernie Parent has your answer: Unleash your hidden animal (feel free to take a second for that visual to play out). Parent’s inner animal? It’s a wolf, hence our loose paraphrase of his sentiments above, in the style of our favorite wolf personal ads.

You see, Bernie Parent is now the Philly.com Sports Page’s answer to Dear Abby or something, and in his debut writing, he decided to tackle the issue of fear, courage, and being a wolf. There’s some standard “don’t be afraid of being yourself and facing your fears” inspirational chain-letter stuff here, but his advice specific to Valentine’s Day is something special:

If you are single, allow yourself to do some inner-searching and find the person that you want to be, so you are ready and willing to share that with someone else when the time comes. Remember, happy feelings will attract happy circumstances. For those of you that are in a relationship, let your partner be their own wolf. Don’t restrict your partner. Let them fulfill who they are as an individual; it does not mean they don’t love you. If you let them go, let them do, they will explore and be their own person. That is what makes the bond between the two of you stronger.

Don’t leash them, don’t cage them, just have fun. And do it together.”

That feeling you’ve got? That’s the weird feeling that comes over you when a 67-year old man advises you to have animalistic relations.

[Image via flyers.nhl.com]