Right Now In The People’s Republic Of Comcast: At This Point, Even Kabletown Is Making Fun Of Your Sad Hospital TV

Listen, we’re your friends and all, but there’s something we’ve been meaning to tell you: That old TV you have? You know, the old style jawn that is like three feet deep and sits in the hand-me-down “entertainment center” that you are entirely too young to own? Well, it’s embarrassing. And we know, we know: THIS IS SO BOUGIE TO EVEN SAY. But really: It’s why we don’t come over for the Oscars or Golden Globes or Phils or Flyers or Other Important Television events. And we don’t quite understand what your attachment to your sad old hospital TV is, which is itself a misnomer because, at this point, EVEN HOSPITAL ROOMS HAVE TELEVISIONS NICER THAN YOURS. We don’t get it: You pay for cable, you pay for Netflix, you’re not one of those annoying West Philly “I don’t own a television” types and, thanks to the (very, very) young people of Shenzhen, TVs are now cheap as shit. We just do not get it. Oh well, at least now, Comcast will charge you $1.99 a month Idiot Tax because you need some weird adapter for your burner-ass TV set. Das Kabletown will not share any of the money with us, we don’t think, but laughter? Laughter is free.

  • Claude M. Schrader

    bougie is such a great word. it’s gotta come back