Taking A Crap On The Philly Thanksgiving Day Parade: A Philebrity Tradition Since 2005

Taking a walk back through the archives just now, we were not astounded to learn that we’ve been giving the gas face to the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Day Parade since way back in 2005. Which is to say, we’ve been wishing this thing would go away almost since this site began. This year’s Parade, once again, is a study in all the reasons why:

This year’s special musical guests include American Idol finalist Justin Guarini, Frenchie Davis from The Voice, the 90s R&B singers of “I Swear” and “I Can Love You Like That” All-4-One, two-time Grammy Winner Rita Coolidge, Kristen Alderson from General Hospital, Charlie McDermott of ABC’s The Middle, country singer Charlie Worsham, Disney Channel singer Coco Jones, Miss America 2012 Laura Kaeppeler, Ryan Howard of the Philadelphia Phillies and more.

To put too fine a point on it: The Philadelphia Thanksgiving Parade is a study in also-rans and has-beens, a living monument to Philly’s inferiority complex. (Sorry about that, All-4-One, please don’t take it personally; and the inclusion of Ryan Howard is both a good one, we’ll admit, but it’s also almost too much to bear.) Now, you could be a devil’s advocate and say that an event like this serves to remind us how far we’ve come, but that doesn’t hold up too well, because we’ve got plenty of other things that could use this excuse as well: Philadelphia magazine, Pearl Jam Night at the Irish Pol, Xfiniti Live, and so on. We could go on. We won’t. What we will do is just put the question to you once and for all:

If it turns out that we’re wrong about this, we’ll shut up about it forever. But we’re not wrong about this. Many things, yes, but this? No.

  • http://www.facebook.com/serlingrod Kevin Musselman

    ” a living monument to Philly’s inferiority complex..” spot on assessment. Any minimal economic activity generated along the parade route is hardly worth the embarrassment televised throughout the region. Although I must admit, I got a kick out of seeing Kate Flannery from The Office two years ago. Gotta love those Philly redheads!

  • http://www.facebook.com/osama.yo.98 Osama Yo

    Pure love for the Thanksgiving parade. Absolute embarrassment that that transvestite travesty known as the Mummers Parade still exists.

  • Chuck Moore

    Like so many other things in this city (or any other place, for that matter) it isn’t that the idea sucks, it’s the execution. A good parade is a good parade and Philadelphia’s Thanksgiving parade is the original. Of course, NYC took the idea and ran with it. And, of course, somebody around here with an inferiority complex tried to make our version more like their version: big ballons! musical theater! C-list national celebs on random floats! vapid tv hosts who talk over the marching bands! Sure, the days of the Cardinal Dougherty Marching Band being led down Market Street by the drum major in a leopard cape are behind us but it can still be a fun way to start Thanksgiving. Just ignore All-4-One as they lip-synch their way up the Parkway.

  • http://profiles.google.com/dondeeley Donald Deeley

    A little of column A, a little of column B, and screw NYC. Every town does some sort of parade, and they’re enjoyable enough for their unabashed cheesiness. Parades do make for bad TV though. Even the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, which does it best, is, honestly, after you turn 14, only watched to see a disaster with one of the balloons.
    That said, what is Philebrity but snark? Yes, parades are weaksauce, yes, they’re awful television, but to not snark on it, to not respond, as you did to criticism of how you covered Occupy, with, “But sarcasm’s what we do,” is to abandon your post-ironic above-it-all hipster blogging responsibility. So snort, snark, and deride sirs! We cannot drink at the bar while the parade plays (and, oh, how I would love to see the Underdog balloon instead of the Eagles any Sunday), but we can trust that you are calling all of it crap.
    You are sneering for all of us who have to play nice with the nieces and nephews. Don’t let us down.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stephen-Gyetko/100001382012529 Stephen Gyetko

    Although not a ‘Philly Phan’ I’ve got to say that the NYC parade is not all that great, so stop bragging! It used to be about marching bands from area high schools, a couple of celebrities and all those great balloons. A real ‘dream while awake’ for the kids and the ‘kid in all of us’. Now it’s an overblown merchandising machine to crank us up to go out and ‘buy, buy, buy’, trampling the weaker of us underfoot in pursuit of the latest shiny bauble that will be forgotten by spring! Besides, I know next to nothing about the Mayor of Philadelphia, but I bet he’s nothing like Bloomberg, an out of touch plutocrat who recently made it illegal to give direct food donations to the homeless. The nerve of that rat-bastard!

  • Daniel Nolan

    Love the Mummers Parade and not so much a fan of the Thanksgiving parade (or any other parade really) but Philly was the original. NYC stole it and commercialized it, like many things from Philly. Show some respect!

  • http://www.facebook.com/kathryn.addison Kathryn Addison

    I’m with Donald. No harm done and plenty to feed off of. You should be glad for the diversion.