This Weekend: Hey, Hey, Hey, Smoke Tweed Saturday

FRIDAY:

>>> Do you like naked people? Of course you do, you fucking grossburger. Hit up the closing reception for ArtNUDE PHILLY as presented by the James Oliver Gallery with Benefiting Partner the Linda Creed Breast Cancer Foundation. Just try not to do the Tex Avery thing where your eyes pop out of your head and your tongue spits out and honks like an old-timey car horn. It’s art. Control yourself.

>>> Or, check out grunge heirs Metz and Nothing at Kung Fu Necktie. Here’s Metz’s BITBY session at Art In The Age from last month; they were so loud my corny-ass minimalist furniture neighbors came over and complained. I always thought Harry Bertoia was cooler than that.

SATURDAY:

>>> Speaking of old-timey, what’s not to love about the Philly Tweed Ride, which is now back for its fifth year and celebrates two of our favorite things: Bikes and dressing like a sexy professor. Oh, wait, here’s what’s not to like: Corny-ass prohibition chic handlebar mustache motherfuckers! You’d be a fool not expect some of these folks at this, BUT DON’T LET THEM RUIN THIS SHIT FOR YOU. Tell them what we’re telling you now: Bikes are NOW! Getting laid because someone can tell just by looking at you that you dig Roland Barthes is NOW! Fuck your retro clock, son! Live in the NOW! DON’T LET THESE CORNY FARMERS CABINET FLUNKYS RUIN WHAT SHOULD SIMPLY BE A DAY OF TWEED ON WHEELS! OR GIN, FOR THAT MATTER.

>>> Fans of that John Fahey guitar sound might wanna check out Daniel Bachman and Mark Fosson at Brickbat Books (which, by the way, is a truly righteous bookstore and you don’t shop there enough).

>>> For a little while now, our friends at Apollo Audio have been doing their “Live From the Westmoreland” free show/live stream series, and it’s back this week with St.James & the Apostles. Go hang out and see the band at the Apollo space up in Port Kenz, or watch it on your couch. We have so many choices in this country!

>>> So here are some more: Get final proof that everyone under 25 is alarmingly dumb, so much more dumb than you could have ever prepared for, when Kreayshawn plays at Electric Factory with like five other acts who’ve never even seen a rotary telephone; or, as we mentioned earlier this week, attend the Sorted Hurricane Sandy Benefit and throw some money at the problem.

SUNDAY:

>>> Big day at JB’s: Sunday Afternoon Clothing Swap, followed that night by And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead, The Coathangers and Residuels.

>>> Or, Conor Oberst and Daniel Johnston at the Kimmel Center. True love will find you in the end. And I can assure you that it will not bend your ear about varieties of bitters and tips for the grooming of period facial hair.