Fishtown To Reality TV Producers: Sorry, No.

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To the holders of those taken tickets: FOR SHAME.
There’s a pilled-out hovel in Juniata with your name on it.

In our heads, the casting call held last Friday at Les & Doreen’s Happy Tap for “Fishtown Class Wars: The Reality Show” was something straight out of Martin Amis: The craven, rat-eyed producers sizing up one family of Fishtown Street Urchins after the other, each displaying the total twin bankruptcies of both soul and intellect that only reality-based television can spin into gold. For there must be, there has to be in this mass of for-lack-of-a-better-word-humanity, the Arctic Splash-drinking, pajama-and-Adidas-slides-wearing answer to Honey Boo Boo.

But that is not how it went at all. In fact, no Fishtown families showed up. And Doreen, proprietress of the Happy Tap (good karaoke spot, BTW), was kind of pissed off when she learned of the cynical and grotesque wishes of Powderhouse Productions, who’ve already mined filthy lucre from the gentrification/class wars going on up in Boston. And that, furthermore, both the Fishtown Star and the good people of Fishtown indeed may have well sent Powderhouse on the run… to South Philly! (Which, as any Philadelphian will tell you, is an entirely different animal, having given itself over to so much immigrant/ethnic churn over the years as to have a mostly beautiful multiplicitous identity that characterizes nothing so much as the best tendencies of America itself.)

Even so, just because it’s a bad idea for Powderhouse’s particular pitch, we do not believe that they should have a smooth ride in South Philly, either. Would it be the worst thing in the world if some of you pulled the tag off that flyer above, gave them a ring and made it perfectly clear that this kind of bullshit just simply is not welcome here? If you did, and we’re just saying, choose your words wisely. You’ll want them to be something by which Powderhouse remembers this place.