Snowbama 2012, Or: The 1,000 Years Of Darkness Starts Now

Well, the President was re-elected, and it looks like we will never feel the warmth of the sun again: By the end of the day today, many people in our area could be buried under two to four inches of snow.

Why are we getting hit by snow? Because some states legalized pot, some legalized gay marriage, someone named this storm after a Greek goddess, and America re-elected a socialist/communist/atheist (circle your preferred answer) President, and this is our punishment. But seriously, driving conditions out there are going to be pretty shitty, and the shore is gonna face some more damage in its already weakened state, but the rest of us should be relatively fine. That is, until the world crashes and burns and it is all your fault you godless heathens.

And if you need proof that this place is all out of whack and something has gone wrong, there’s this: Santa Claus will be at the Franklin Mills Mall starting this Friday. Yes, this Friday … November 9th. Apparently Mr. Claus was stranded here by Sandy and doesn’t have much hope for getting out after this storm either, so he’s just decided to start Christmas early. It was already heading in that direction anyway.

[Image via the National Weather Service]