Random October Night In Philly Reveals: We Have Had It Up To Here With Your Dumb Handlebar Moustache And Your Insufferable Prohibition Chic

You know, after attending both the Bootlegger’s Ball at the National Constitution Center and That Awful Hendrick’s Gin Promo Party at Trust last night, we were going to do a whole long thing about how the Retro Clock’s present station at the 1920s has grown to become an unbearable state of affairs, but what use would it be? In lieu of a think-piece, let’s just say this:

· Too many Mickey Doyles and not enough Richard Harrows in this scene.
· There is a whole subsection of the female populace that likes to dress up as flappers, believing it makes them more attractive than present-day dress does. This is almost never true. Rather, both males and females dressing in Prohibition-era style often makes one look like the angry baby in old Popeye cartoons.
· We’ve been to a lot of liquor promo crap over the years, but we have to say: The Million Dollar Handlebar Moustache Etsy Bomb that was that Hendrick’s Gin thing actually did make us feel dirty and used. It was like the Portlandia room in hell.
· Kinda sorta related: That Farmer’s Cabinet place can get the gas face, too. It’s like Disney does William Kennedy, with added theater nerd piano. Woof. ENOUGH! STOP! ALL I WANTED WAS A DAMNED DRINK!

That said, the NCC Prohibition exhibit is pretty informative and does have its high points, among them, the hatchet used by Carry Nation and this Wayne Wheeler’s Amazing Amendment Machine thing, which is truly something to see. But real talk: If one of you blousy-suspenders-theatrical-cocktail-shaking motherfuckers even comes near me, I’m gonna have to get Gyp Rosetti on your ass.