NOT RECOMMENDED, SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU: The failure (or just plain inability) of Zooey Deschanel to take on any meaningful film roles since Elf is not just something that affects her; you have a place in this too, you know. As adorkability turned into an industry, Manic Pixie Dream Girl is now a very real part of our gross national product. Like soylent green, this grotesque Starbucks Cake In A Cup® is now people. It’s people in movies, it’s people on TV, and worst of all, it’s people you know. What does it all mean? Well, apart from an entire segment of the female population now rendered decisively undateable, it also means that we’re going to have to deal with crap movies like Ruby Sparks for years and years to come. It’s not just a blow to cinema; it’s a blow to femininity itself. But there is even worse news: Masculinity, which has been operating at a deficit from the get-go, is also just a little more fucked now, too. Because for every Manic Pixie Dream Girl that’s out there, there’s like four dudes THAT DO NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING ABOUT WOMEN AT ALL trying to bone/tame/start an Etsy store with her. It’s no good, I tell you. And who knows? Ruby Sparks might even have some stuff in it that’s worth a damn: Steve Coogan and Elliott Gould are in it. Those guys are great; we love those guys. But they should know better. As for Ruby Sparks, I suppose we’ll never know. Because no. No.