Say It Ain’t So, Freedom Taxi! OR, How Big Does A Turd Have To Be To Sink Philebrity’s Favorite Cab Company?
Just a few weeks back in these pages, we sang the praises of Freedom Taxi, Philadelphia’s newest cab company, which boasts friendly drivers and roomy new cabs that are also eco-friendly (though a compost program now seems unlikely). As you now know (most likely, even local TV news led with this last night), the city collectively recoiled in horror late yesterday when the video at right circulated like wildfire; in it, a driver for Freedom Taxi is depicted layin’ some cable right out there on the sidewalk at 18th and Bainbridge. A security cam caught it on tape, and voila! A legend was born. Never has one shit so captivated an entire city so thoroughly or efficiently.
So the still-unnamed driver has that to be proud of, at least, although he has been relieved of his duties (you know, on account of relieving his doodies). An attendant investigation by the Philadelphia Parking Authority is also underway, and for that, we should thank this man for inadvertently hoisting the revenge upon the PPA have always wanted; here, fate is saying to the PPA, smell it. But what of Freedom Taxi? May we make a plea for sensitivity in this moment and ask Philly taxi riders not to throw the baby out with the turdwater? And also, where is our sense of empathy for this sad, now-jobless defecating man? We know not the circumstances of what may now be the defining moment of his life. And let he who has not had an emergency and nearly had to shit on the sidewalk cast the first sticky brown nugget! For we have been there! Don’t look at me like that, WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. Shit! It happens! And trust us: It’s nothing a good power-washing can’t take care of. And to their eternal credit, the good people at Freedom Taxi plan to do just that today.