Attn. Billy Joel: We Don’t (Entirely) Hate You
You may have noticed this post from earlier in the week about the University City District’s “Heart & Soul” project, which seeks to put pianos in public spaces for uses that may or may not include the playing of Billy Joel songs, most likely to the annoyance of most nearby humans. What’s that? You didn’t notice it? Funny. Because Billy Joel sure as hell did, who then fired off a note to his publicist who then got the University City District to remove their link to our post on their website. Say it with us: WHAT? (And what was the logic at UCD? “Listen guys, ONE DAY, WE’RE GONNA NEED A FAVOR FROM BILLY JOEL. Best to just take it down!”)
At any rate, since William has forced the issue, and for the record, let us state Philebrity’s official position on Billy Joel: While it is true that, as he has grown older, apparently drunker, and more cantankerous in recent years, we do not hate Billy Joel. And in reality, his gradual morphing into an angry little troll is something that we are willing to overlook, in fact, on a very frequent basis indeed. This is because, even though he’s a Google-alerts-obsessed superstar in decline, there is still very much to love about Billy Joel. And we don’t care who knows it! After the jump, five reasons we still love Billy Joel.
1. “Only The Good Die Young”
As proudly lapsed Catholics, the importance of this song as a ritual of self-acceptance and real-life zen cannot be underestimated. The song’s lyrics, front to back, have never failed to hit home in a huge way, and its musical jubilance is second to none. And what is the following if not a Philebrity credo if ever there was one: We’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints; the sinners are much more fun.
2. “It’s Still Rock ‘N’ Roll”
Fact: Billy Joel hated hipsters — and if we are to extrapolate — Pitchfork before people even knew that was a thing you could do. And had the balls to do so, we assume, while being self-tanned and gakked out of his mind in the above clip. Cognitive dissonance! Who can’t rep for that?
3. “Keeping The Faith”
On a personal note, while I, as an Italian-American, find Joel’s jabroni posturings deeply offensive and kind of fucked given his Jewish roots, I cannot deny that “Keeping The Faith” has a strange kind of power over me that I can neither justify or explain. Chalk it up to the eternal charm that is often part and parcel of those who walk among us who also happen to be giant dicks. Hakuna matata, people.
4. “Movin’ Out
For it was the great American poet William Joel who taught us that adding unnecessary plurals to things — “I’m movin’ outs”/”A bottle of reds, a bottle of whites” — is hilarious.
5. “Captain Jack”
I MEAN COME ON.
You’re a dick, Billy, but the thing is, you’re everybody’s dick. And that is something indeed. Be easy, brother.
