The Way We Live Now: Philly’s Mechanical Bull Population Skyrocketing In Direct Proportion To Assholes Willing To Ride Them

Two assholes, one saddle: Here in Philly, apparently, it’s the new “Two Girls, One Cup.”

It’s crazy to think that just a few weeks ago, Philadelphia was, to the best of our knowledge, a city entirely free of mechanical bull-riding establishments. But with the spring, we now, quite suddenly, have two. One is, of course, The PBR Bar & Grill at Xfiniti Live; the other will be Johnny Utah’s, on the hellish strip of Third Street where Northern Liberties meets Conshohocken, set to open soon.

And while we’ve said much about Xfiniti Live being an actually quite fascinating study in the anthropology of the douche class — and ditto, pretty much, for the whole McFadden’s/Finnegan’s Wake axis that has strangely squatted on the ass end of NoLibs — these new developments pose a new question: What does the sudden availability of mechanical bull riding say about us? If nothing else, we know that at least two assholes have looked at this place and said, “You know what Philly needs? MECHANICAL BULLS.” And, true enough, some seem to agree: A routine stop at Xfiniti Live last week after a Phils game saw PBR super-packed, while the other spots in the complex… not so much. Two things are for sure, though: As a regional people, we definitely suck at this odd sport, and as an editor, yours truly needed an immediate whiskey bath at Stoke’s afterward, just to chase images like the one above away.

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