Byko Will Not Shut Up About His Completely Hypocritical And Insincere Feelings About Human Trafficking

bykoBLLLLLLLEEEEEAAAAAAAAARGGGGHHHH! TAP TAP. Is this thing on! Can you hear me, O asses filled with Brylcreem and the forever-readers of The People Paper! I fear that I write you today in a strange death rattle that even I cannot hear as loose change and pens and pills and keys jump ship from the pockets of my person, as my very soul convulses with the wretchedness I have brought upon you! FOR TODAY I WRITE OF HUMAN BONDAGE! AGAIN! And not just ordinary bondage like in the back of the Welcomat! I speak to you of Human Trafficking! IT’S BAD! IT’S BAD, I TELL YOU! THE BRASS, THEY TOLD ME TO COME BACK AND SAY, UNEQUIVOCALLY, THAT HUMAN TRAFFICKING IS BAD!

SO: It’s bad. Even when I go over to Thailand to visit my buddy, when shit gets weird, and it feels so good. O Moloch! Moloch whose walls are closing as the paper could go up for sale yet again! Moloch who can no longer preach to the choir of the dumb, dumb dum-dum Philadelphia of the 1970s and 1980s! Moloch where a man could Teddy Pendergrass tranny whore car wreck John Travolta blowout and it was EXPECTED! Moloch who could sweep it all away.

O but it is an ill mood in which I write to you, today, O People of the Paper. For my travels continue to haunt me. I did what they said! Moloch whose lips give service to where service must be granted! But nothing ever dies on the Internet and they found my “touts!” Moloch whose Facebook photos betray a howling irreverence for human life and love! They have found me out!

And now comes the end. Moloch who just wanted to get away for a while. Moloch, who is surely not as guilty of the crimes of, say, a Sandusky, or even, perhaps, a Cosby. Moloch who has been but a bystander to history all of this time. Moloch, who now has no choice but to become it. Moloch a product of a different age. Moloch who does not understand the ever-shifting privacy controls of Facebook. Moloch, who should have gotten while the getting was good.

Moloch, now and forevermore, gotten.

Previously: Byko Will Not Shut Up About His Ambivalent Feelings Regarding Sex Tourism In Thailand
Byko Will Also Not Shut Up About The Fucking Facebook
Byko Will Not Shut Up About The Fucking Bike Lanes
Byko Will Also Not Shut Up About The Fucking Al Fresco Dining
Byko Will Not Shut Up And Will Never Shut Up About The Fucking Bicyclists Because Byko Is A Fucking Text-Generating Robot