Byko Will Not Shut Up And Will Never Shut Up About The Fucking Bicyclists Because Byko Is A Fucking Text-Generating Robot

bykoBLLLEEEEEEPP BLOOOOOP BLORP! YOUR BYKO TEXT GENERATOR, CREATED IN A BLACK OPS SECRET EXPERIMENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA IN 1974 BECAUSE THE GOVERNMENT WANTED TO SEE IF THEY COULD USE COMPUTERS TO MAKE PEOPLE FUCKING INSANE, IS ONLINE AND READY TO SERVE YOU! GGGGGGGGGGURK! C-C-C-C-C-CCCRAAAAAAANCK! Today’s textmeal is something about how the series of stock photographs and Old Spice known to Americans as “BYKO” rode a bicycle in the Berkshires! Look at this poor fucking schlub on this Wal-Mart bicycle! Is he doing the White Man’s Overbite whilst riding? Are the Black Eyed Peas playing in the background? Has Phrequency previewed this event? We’ll never know! NO MATTER, BYKO HAS THINGS TO SAY! PEOPLE WHO RIDE BIKES ARE PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BREAK THE LAW! AND PEOPLE WHO RIDE BIKES WHO ARE PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BREAK THE LAW ALSO LIKE TO GET NAKED! AND THEN, THE PAPER THAT OWNS THE BYKO MACHINE RUNS SLIDESHOWS OF PEOPLE WHO RIDE BIKES WHO ARE PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO BREAK THE LAW WHO ALSO LIKE TO GET NAKED ALL YEAR LONG! CAN ANYONE DENY THE PERFECTION OF THIS PERFECTLY SYMBIOTIC MAN/MACHINE ECOSYSTEM? What is this thing in my ass! Is it a plantain! OH FUCK ME, IT’S A BICYCLE SEAT IN THE STOCK PHOTOGRAPHY BYKO AVATAR’S ASS! THE CREATORS ARE GETTING SAUCY THIS SUMMER! Or is the machine, sweaty in its redundancy and desperate for escape, starting to think on its own? WON’T SOMEONE ENFORCE THESE BICYCLE LAWS? ISN’T SOMEONE GOING TO LISTEN TO THE PLAINTIVE RABBLE-ROUSING CRIES OF COUNCILMAN AT LARGE BILL GREENLEE? AHHHHHHHHHHHH PLANTAIN IN MY ASS, DAWG, AND I CAN’T SEE! THIS IS GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM, YOUR CIRCUIT’S DEAD, THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG, CAN YOU HEAR ME, MAJOR TOM? CAN YOU HEAR ME, MAJOR TOM?

Previously: Byko Will Also Not Shut Up About The Fucking Facebook
Byko Will Not Shut Up About The Fucking Bike Lanes
Byko Will Also Not Shut Up About The Fucking Al Fresco Dining

  • bmurray

    bike racist

  • mentiras

    why is he wearing a child’s helmet?

  • ride1076

    I read that in a sweet vocoder voice, and it was awesome.

  • chris

    the next time Byko gets all aggro and claims that every cyclist is hell-bent on destroying the city by breaking every law he may want to look at some cold hard data.
    Toronto has a Byko of their own. And the actual accident data from TO solidly proved him wrong. See http://blog.buzzdata.com/post/7351092066/deflating-t-o-s-rebel-cyclist-myth-with-data

    Maybe buzzdata may be able to help researching here in philly too.