And Now, Joey Sweeney’s Unfinished List Of Questions For The 35,000 Of You Who Voted For Milton Street
· Was it because you believe that Michael Nutter is not black and you’re part of some fucked-up reverse-birther movement?
· If the answer to the above is “yes,” and you happen to be African-American, don’t you realize that you just kind of gave every white asshole racist in the world some straight-up bullshit ammo they can use against you when denouncing the political acumen of your race?
· Or is it just that you prefer singing to rapping?
· Or was it just the whole “push the button” temptation that you simply couldn’t resist? Because that, we can actually understand. But 35,000 of you? Jesus H. Christ. We’re doomed!
· Having established that you clearly are a nihilist, what kind of music do you like to listen to? We’re curious.
· Are you in fact Milton Street yourself, and if so, did you hire a “computer hacker” to vote for you 34,999 times?
· DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?
· If you are a member of the Firefighters’ Union, how quickly can you save a burning kitten or baby so that we can regain respect for you again? Because frankly, we need that back as much as you do.
· Do you also wear t-shirts with “funny” slogans on them, like “I’m with Stupid —->” or “No Fat Chicks?”
· If your name is John Street, did you and Milton get drunk on whiskey as the results came in and howl with laughter until you both were hoarse? Because that’s what we would have done in your situation.
· Next time a Street gets voted into office, will you help me move? Because fuck this, if it happens again, I’m moving to fucking Camden. At least that city knows it’s a lost cause.
