Oh, to be the Arrow Swim Club towel/locker room attendant. You’d think that by now, someone would have taken us off of the Cashman email list. But no. We kind of love that about them.

Here’s the newest from what we believe to be mayoral candidate Truman Lijek‘s emerging posse of telegenic dogs, which will one day soon control the city, supplant the Philly Democratic party machine and own Philly.com.

When I look at this photo, I feel joy. It’s nice to know that, at least in Philly, these Tea Party freaks have already hit Lyndon Larouche status.

Written by Philly’s own Tony Trov and Johnny Zito, Dogs Of Mars is out now on Comixology, a web app comics store thingy. “We like to describe the project as being in the genre of space-ploitation,” says Trov. And sure enough, that seems about right. From the description: Nocturnal monsters stalk marooned astronauts as Zoe, [...]

Dear Lord, there’s a meme in here somewhere.

Green St. btwn American and 3rd: Mark our words: This is all prelude to a moment in the not-too-distant future where, as an entire city, we disrobe entirely, walk into the river, and rebuild all of our own lives in a new Atlantis of slime. Seeing something around town of note? Cameraphone it to: tips[at]philebrity[dot]com.

OK, OK, we know: That’s not really rational. But the fact that the Philadelphia Orchestra — more than a century old and historic in so many ways — has had to file for Chapter 11 is, frankly, a shame upon us all, both within the arts community and the concert-going public. One year ago, we [...]

FRIDAY: >>> Go ahead, do your culturally imperialist PIFA things or don’t, but do enjoy Gallery Night, which is standing in for a more traditional First Friday type hang during the PIFA chaos. There’s quite a few galleries involved, and very likely one near you, so dig in. >>> We’ve loved the noise maniac known [...]

#notwinning. Previously: Surprise! Lenny Dykstra Is Out Giving Interviews That Are Even Sadder And Weirder Than Charlie Sheen’s

RECOMMENDED: Dark horse choice, we know (especially in a week where there’s a new Rob Redford movie out), but fuck it: Go see Scre4m, the fourth installment in the Scream saga. It’s got all the O.G. players: David Arquette, Neve Campbell and Courteney Cox, directed by Wes Craven and still pumping sweet ’90s-bred meta-horror irony [...]

Anybody else remember this? We feel the presence of Nicole Cashman strongly in this one.

For hi-res version, visit actualrecords.org. Like he did last year, Philly-based illustrator Aaron Ruxbin has drawn a cool poster highlighting Philly stores that will be participating in the nationwide Record Store Day event tomorrow. RSD, for the unfamiliar, is one Saturday each April when America’s remaining independent record stores — and here in Philly, we’re [...]

LIVE FOOTAGE HERE. This is in East Windsor NJ, btw. Exit 8A. UPDATE: Bear now safely down. As he left the scene, the bear was heard to say, “JUST FUCKING GIVE ME MY ABILIFY AND EVERYONE STOP APPLAUDING, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES.” UPDATE 2: Bear in a Tree (@bearintree) is now following your tweets (@philebrity) on [...]

Although, real talk, we have a feeling that if we spent the evening with them, we’d probably get around to both. Previously: Annnnd Yep, The Mr. Gay Pageant Is Still Offensive To Self-Respecting Gays And Other Human Beings

CAUSE SERIOUSLY, BRO! DO YOU DARE TO FUCK WITH THE BILENKY!?!? THAT’S FUCKED UP, DUDE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE LAST GUY WHO KICKED SAND IN OUR FACE? WE PETRIFIED HIM IN BRYLCREAM, BRO! YOU FUCKED UP, MAN! YOU REALLY FUCKED UP! Aw, we’re just busting balls. If anybody sees this badass green [...]

Through a groundbreaking partnership via the Association Of Alternative Newsweeklies, 40 alt-weeklies around the country ran “9 Things The Rich Don’t Want You To Know About Taxes” by David Cay Johnston this week. The piece, a breezy 3,000-worder exposing a variety of ways both the media and the wealthy lie to you on the regular [...]

Or click here to listen with iTunes. ON THE BIG SHOW TODAY: NEW TO YOU!

“In case of critical emergency, egress through the parlor door.” Also, the conductor just served me digestive biscuits and a cup of lady grey. We had no idea Lord Whimsy was doing work for SEPTA these days. Seeing something around town of note? Cameraphone it to: tips[at]philebrity[dot]com.

Like we were saying the other day, it’s about that time. Please join us (and feel free to invite friends via the Facebook link above) for what is always one of the most oddly insane/fun nights out of the year. And if you’ve never been, yep, that’s right: It’s all Belle & Sebastian. The whole [...]

He’s apparently also a homophobe, too, who’s sorrrrrrrrt of sorry, but not sorry enough to not appeal his fine. When can we be done with this guy?