Seriously, Why Does Steve Keeley Look So Fucking Weird?

keeley

If you get up early (or stay up late) enough, you will learn that Fox 29‘s Good Day comes on at 4:30AM and runs a wheezy marathon of pure echo-chamber news until 10AM. Its bludgeoning content be damned, we love that the Fox 29 gang has the moxie to stay on the air this long, saying the same shit over and over, no matter what. As you might expect, your favorite Fox 29 personalities all look pretty rough if they’re showing up for work this early (completely understandable), and we’re pretty sure we’ve clocked Jennaphr Frederick still being drunk from the night before at least once or twice. (Then again, you can probably say the same of us.)

But as endearing as the Fernwood Tonight vibe of Good Day truly is (honestly, there’s been times when the show has felt like our only friend in the world), we must go on the record as saying that Steve Keeley scares the bejesus out of us. (We’ve remarked on Keeley’s frightening nature before, but that was just a Halloween gag.) Keeley’s been doing the super-duper graveyard shift on Good Day lately, and his demeanor suggests that he’d just as soon pull you by the hair and make out with you as he would sucker-punch you with a fistful of keys. Also, he is orange. Also, there’s something in his face not usually made by the human body. And finally (not even), a question: Is that pink lipstick and blue eye shadow? Then, there’s the clothes: This morning, Keeley also donned what looked like a quilted kevlar vest from what must have been a quilted kevlar three-piece suit. You know, for doing business. This is a crime against menswear to be sure, but that doesn’t trouble us as much as the rest of the whole Steve Keeley package.

Oh, God: We just said “Steve Keeley package.”

  • http://gtownradio.com gtownradioboy

    On top of all that is the fact that they let this guy give opinions now as it seems everyone does on this station anymore. When he gets made I guess he speaks for orange people everywhere.

    I do think they keep him around mainly as a punching bag. He consistently gets dog shit shifts and assignments and Jen Phred tools on him constantly.

    Oddly enough, I saw him reporting one morning on the Fox Good Day show in NYC last summer. At least I think I did as I never saw him on there again.

  • drekfretwell

    Someone once said to me, “I believe that Keeley is completely full of it.” This phrase struck me so forcefully that I have often used it since. He believes that the bogeyman is going to get us if we don’t agree to his demands. That’s just wrong. He further believes that his decisions are based on reason. Wrong again!

  • cummins

    Um, okay doc…

    Anyways, this headline made me do a bad comedy spittake. Beautifully written and so true. More Good Day coverage please!

  • http://gtownradio.com gtownradioboy

    I mean when he gets ‘mad’ and not ‘made’. This isn’t the mafia, just fox.

  • http://theaffectedprovincial.blogspot.com/ lord_whimsy

  • abbey306

    a bunch of us were discussing this very thing last night! he is bizarre!

  • Rob N

    Ok, his hair was a little tousled from his hat this a.m. Other than that he looks amazing.

    AMAZING.

  • roozoo

    Steve Keely==gay Oompa Loompa

  • http://philebrity.com Ruth

    Sometimes when I am watching Good Day by myself, it makes me feel a little like I am insane. I wonder if I am really seeing this mess, and other people are too, or if it is just some sad, sick corner of my subconscious coming out to play in the morning to ruin my whole fucking day.

  • bjcahill

    gay? that’s an insult to gay people. I’ve always called him a Neanderthal Oompa Loompa! I have to mute the TV anytime he comes on. Eww, if he were gay, I’d have to go straight.

  • Haywire

    I walked passed him once when he was reporting infront of city hall,and yelled out;”Hey leatherface!,Where’s your chainsaw.”He turned around,shook his head and kept on reporting.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carol.a.king.5 Carol Anne Laessig- King

    I enjoy him but Is that his real hair?

  • http://www.facebook.com/jake.naulty Jake Naulty

    Thank you for the laugh. It’s a train wreck. However, I’ve seen a train wreck and had to leave the scene. This I cannot stop watching.

  • Doreen

    wow..I’m not the only one than..I have actually looked up his nationality to see where his ancestors are from besides NJ..I had hoped he was the only link left from evolution and the Neanderthal…I know as I’m writing this it’s sounds awful..but I truly don’t mean it that way..I just find his looks unique, I have never seen his bone structure..and Thought wouldn’t that be awesome if he is a missing link????