«
»

Readers Write: I Went To SugarHouse And All I Got Was Shady Drifters


Hey Philebs. I just wanted to tell you about my trip to SugarHouse this past weekend. If you use any of this, please don’t use my name. But I figured you’d find this really entertaining.

The place is absolutely horrifying. Every type of drifter within a 50-mile radius of Philly was there — dudes with sleazy neck tattoos to the members of the local chapter of The Outlaws openly wearing colors.

I talked to one of the workers about what he’s seen there so far. His answer: “Everything.” I asked if he could get a little more specific. He said there hasn’t been a murder yet but there’s been everything else, which includes TWO separate incidents of people ODing in the bathroom after injecting themselves with heroin in the bathroom. So this casino is now a shelter of sorts for the local junkie community.

The carpet is nasty. Blankets in dog crates at the PAWS animal shelter are cleaner.

Policy is that you can’t order a shot and a beer at the same time for “safety” reasons. Also, they have employees who walk up to you at 2 am and force you to either pound or leave your drink. My wife couldn’t finish her drink so she just poured it on the floor. I swear to you, we are not some trailer trash clan who throw garbage on the floors in public places. We’re professional homeowners who live in Roxborough who have a large collection of Merge Records releases. But this place is so vile you can literally do that and not one person will bat an eye.

There is not one story that will emerge from this place that will shock me. Shootings? Stabbings? Intentional parking lot hit-and-runs? Random people throwing acid in the face of strangers? Everything is on the table at this hellhole.

That’s it: Next year’s Philebrity Anniversary party has got to be held at SugarHouse.

Previously: Long-Suspected Key Demographic For SugarHouse Finally Revealed

This entry was posted on Monday, October 4th, 2010 at 12:53 pm.

  • Grapesoda

    Oh god will you just listen to that first guys accent! BRUTAL. Joey, how did you make it out of fishtown not sounding like that?

  • tips

    I sat in my room in the mid-1980s, listening to Smiths and Wedding Present records, and trained myself out of it. True story!

  • mBeck

    wow. that video.

    holy FUCK

  • philthydan

    “My wife couldn’t finish her drink so she just poured it on the floor. I swear to you, we are not some trailer trash clan who throw garbage on the floors in public places.”

    If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, right?

  • heatmiser

    So, living in Roxborough and owning Merge Records releases makes you classy? If that’s how class is gauged, then I must be at the top of the heap.

  • emmkay

    I’ve popped into the casino twice with friends since it’s opened to check it out. Both times early on a Saturday afternoon.

    First weekend, it was hopping with a seniors crowd.

    This weekend, it was a mix of seniors, people who seemed like hardcore gamblers and, yes, drifter types. While in the casino, one of the latter asked me if I could give him 50 cents. Classy.

  • steveeboy

    damn, no 24/7 liquor? there goes the Barbary after party plan…

  • campmisty

    What we’re involved in with Shitterhouse Casino is not a game. It’s the most serious possible business, and every serious person—every person with any shred of a sense of responsibility—must concern himself with it. Many people aren’t aware of how homophobic Shitterhouse Casino’s cock-and-bull stories are, so let’s present a little breakdown. First off, Shitterhouse Casino likes to brag about how the members of its lynch mob are ideologically diverse. Perhaps that means that some of them prefer Stalin over Hitler. In any case, Shitterhouse Casino insists that sin is good for the soul. That lie is a transparent and strained effort to keep us from noticing that I think that it drools at the thought of swilling port and sherry at taxpayer expense. You probably think that too. But Shitterhouse Casino does not think that. Shitterhouse Casino thinks that it is a master of precognition, psychokinesis, remote viewing, and other undeveloped human capabilities.

  • Rob N

    so it’s the East Village in the 90′s? Was this story meant to make me not want to go? Because it sounds AWESOME.

  • MichaelJackSauce

    @campmisty: Wahhhh???

    @Rob N: Yeah, I gotta see this place now.

  • BovineJoni

    after finally stumbling to the other side of Columbus, I walked away disappointed.

    maybe i’m wrong, but I thought the whole point of a casino was to build it so big and confusing and dark that you never knew what time it was and you never knew how to leave. This place is essentially a Walmart. A Walmart that doubles as a lousy excuse for a casino and doesn’t even have a McDonalds inside. An indoor McDonalds would have made this place better. Think on that.

  • ramapoughnotjackson

    To the originator poster, I take umbra at your comment about “trailer trash clan.” I know what you’re doing. You’re one of those assholes that saw me and my tribe visit the casino and started calling us by that unholy ignorant name. We are NOT trash! We are the Ramapough Lenape Nation, we are proud, & spirits willing, we’ll have a casino ten times the quality of Sugar House in Mahwah, New Jersey by 2013 if the paperwork goes through. So you can keep your fancy hotel casinos in Philadelphia because we don’t want them in our mountains. We’ve got friends in newspapers!

  • campmisty

    One may very well question whether we must draw the line somewhere. Still, most people will eventually be convinced that the Ramapough Lenape Nation avers that divine ichor flows through its veins. As you can no doubt determine from comments like that, facts and the Ramapough Lenape Nation are like oil and water.

  • ramapoughnotjackson

    Campmisty: Thank you for you’re eloquent support!

  • ramapoughnative

    I don’t know who ramapoughnotjackson is but the Ramapough Lenape Nation is opposed to any type of gambling and we do NOT want a casino!