FRIDAY:
>>> Don’t despair if you’re stuck here for the weekend with all the tourists and stuff, we guarantee (not like, money back or anything) that you can have a righteous Ameri-Birthday here. First off, at the Chemical Heritage Foundation, in honor of the Fourth, they are going to be showing anyone who comes by there between 1-8pm how to make their own spark fountain/fireworks/general explosives. It’s free. And useful. And speaking of free, if you happen to find yourself in Old City between 12-5pm, (which we aren’t sure is a good idea if you are avoiding tourists) they are giving out free Dietz and Watson dogs. Suck it, Wawa. (See post below.)
>>>Of course, there’s Philebrity Happy Hour @ Octo with DJ Jersey Dan (6-8pm), and we’re sayin, it’s on the waterfront and this jawn’s also free.
>>>You can look at Zooey Deschanel and/or to listen to some pretty cute indie rock (we’re being a little coy: Deschanel and M. Ward are actually bringing kind of a lot to the table; she’s increasingly impressive in both her lyrics and her vocals, his arrangements are skillful and the chemistry of their collaboration is maybe even something special; but come on, she’s famous for acting) by watching She and Him at the Riverstage (Spring Garden and Columbus Boulevard) at 8pm.
>>>In an alternative, nerdier early evening plan, there is Superheroes Who Are Patriotic at Plays and Players Theatre at 8pm; this is staged reading of early comic books from both DC and Marvel. Expect Captain America, The Avengers and the unexpected. Rock on, geeks.
>>>So then, you could go to Sex Dwarf @ Fluid (which is free before 10pm) with Robert Drake and DJ Marylin Thomas — it’s a new-wave party with a beach party theme; translation= you can dance to Joy Division and The Cure (if you can) while wearing your corniest Hawaiian shirt and fruit hat. Or you could go to Hot Mess @ Silk City (free before 11pm) because the Philadelphyinz play some rad shit and there’s a beer garden.
>>>And the OH! Pears are playing at the Tritone at 9:30; started by Corey Duncan (ex-guitarist from Pattern Is Movement) these guys are a 13-piece band that veers between an experimental orchestra and some post-Spector wall of sound intensity: think Dirty Projectors meets Grizzly Bear meets West Philly Orchestra.

SATURDAY:
>>>At Penn’s Landing, if you can stomach all those people, there’s the Super Scooper All-You-Can-Eat Ice Cream Fest going on from 12-5pm and then 6-9pm at approximately Walnut St. and Columbus Blvd. and then the Philadelphia Orchestra is playing a free concert closer to Chestnut St. at 8pm, which is followed by the fireworks. We don’t know if anyone could really stomach a whole day of Welcoming America but seeing the Orchestra for free is always cool.
>>>At $5/head, you can “Paddle Penn’s Landing” by renting a kayak or a swan-boat. We’re not saying that you should make a weekly habit of this or anything, but it is July 4th weekend.
>>>Matt and Kim, who put on notoriously hype synthed-up loud shows are playing at the Piazza at 5pm for free. Matt’s voice is only going to impress you if you like that scratchy off-key lo-fi thing, but there’s no way this won’t be at least fun.
>>>For an alternative place to watch those fireworks from, we think Mojito @ Octo with Adam Sparkles and Jay-yo might be the move. You’re still on the river, and you can wild out while you watch the sky explode. Sounds pretty rad to us.

SUNDAY:
>>>For all of you in West Philly, who were going to hike all the way over to the Spring Garden Street Bridge to reluctantly watch the Goo’s: Don’t. You wouldn’t. We know. Danger Danger Gallery is throwing Ameri-Tacular, it starts at noon and has bands like O’Death (almost bluegrass/americana, almost punk rock, Tom Waits x The Violent Femmes), Skeletonbreath (drums, bass, violin playing a metal-ish take on everything from polka to free jazz), Paper Mice (think the Minutemen; allow nostalgia to ensue), Drunk Tigers (kind of what you’d expect from a band with this name; imagine a sound that manages to be both cuddly and vicious) and many more, plus beer and BBQ. It goes til 8pm and then moves to Elena’s Soul to keep going all night. You know you guys hate interacting with people that don’t smell like you.
>>>Then there’s Locals Only @ PYT with Jay-Yo, Ed Blammo, free pina coladas from 12-2pm and baby pools. From which you should maybe go piss off Wawa and go to Making Time: You’re Welcome America at Bamboo Bar (ew), cause it starts early and goes late, and Sleigh Bells are playing (and they are actually a really cool duo too- it’s the guitarist from Poison The Well and a schoolteacher and that’s kind of exactly what they sound like- this almost abrasive, almost crushingly heavy music completely offset by this gentle, kind voice singing over it.) And look: We know (hope) you won’t be getting in that pool, but if you do, you’ll at least probably be making an ass of yourself in front of people you know as opposed to random strangers on the parkway when you inevitably would have decided to climb into the fountain at Logan Circle (probably at least mostly nude.)
>>>There’s also this block party on Fernon St. between 2nd and Moyamensing that’s letting anyone come through and listen to live music, play kid’s games and eat free vegan food. They’re calling it “Interdepence Day” We like this block already.
>>>And if you absolute must, there’s The Roots playing concert on the parkway, with this one-hit-wonder band from the 90′s playing after them, and then some fireworks that might be pretty cool. Whatevs. America!

This entry was posted on Friday, July 2nd, 2010 at 1:08 pm.