Attention Bored Homosexuals: Positions Now Available On The Main Line For Gay Minstrel Sidekicks To Out-of-Touch Philly Mag Bloggers
In what ought to go down as the most cliche, most irrelevant, and most groan-inducing article ever to be published at the hands of Philadelphia Magazine, weekly columnist Kelly Rowell craps out a series of tired, gross stereotypes about gay men the likes of which we haven’t read in fucking years. Apparently, gays are the rarest “commodity” among circles of upper-crusty Mainline hags who need new social lap dogs to accompany them on their “shopping, gossiping, spa-going” adventures. They need you, Philly Gays! Listen to these perks: Their Neiman’s has valet parking (luxurious!); you can have lunch at the Cricket Club (exclusive!); and – JACKPOT – you can go antiquing! With women! Even Carson Kressley has attended horse shows out on the Mainline! You remember him, right? Don’t you wanna be just like him? Yayeee!
Read the whole thing for yourself, dear readers, if you can stomach it. And if we may address Ms. Rowell directly for a moment: We get it, you’re just now getting to Will & Grace season one on your Netflix queue, but seriously, lady, get with the program. Your own narrow view of the world might still relegate gay guys to the hair salon and the Flower Show, but we’re over that shit and over attitudes like yours. Come the fuck on.
