Attn. Google: An Entire City That Never Begs For ANYTHING Is On Its Knees And Here’s Why You Nerds Should Listen And Listen Good
Dear Google,
What’s up? It’s me, the guy who’s always googling “Janeane Garofalo splosh videos.” Now, listen: You may not know this, but Philadelphia is poised — has always been poised — to become the Silicon Valley of the East. We’re used to doing something with nothing, we’ve never waited for some rich daddy to give us permission to do so, and if something’s broken, we will complain that shit into working again no matter how long it takes. (See the Phillies? We totally did that.) And there is both a past and a present here that indicates a long future of us making this Internet shit that you guys basically OWN a lot cooler. Hell, ENIAC was born here. And today, we’ve got both Comcast (please buy them and let the Robertses just run Philadelphia Weekly) and that whole Indy Hall/Ignite Philly scene. So you can understand why we’re still sore that Wireless Philadelphia didn’t quite work out. But here’s where you can help a whole city take some serious momentum in the tech sector and really throw it into overdrive.
We know you’re looking at cities to use as test markets for this whole gigabit hi-speed network. We want to offer ourselves. We will totally help you, and it would help us more than you could ever know. In fact, we’ve got the whole city posting ideas and raising their hands to be included on this new website called Gigabit Philly. Go take a look. You’ll get psyched. And then come here. We personally will show you around (hell, you can even stay in the spare bedroom) and you will see what half of Brooklyn already knows: Philly is the place to get shit done. We may be the people who booed Santa Claus, but don’t forget: We are also the people who started America. Also, we’re totally up on this whole flash mob thing. We’ll tell you all about it at the bar when you get here. Will you please at least consider it?
Love,
Philebrity.com
