The bridal industry has, thus far, been something of a sausage factory, putting disparate women through its machine and churning out fairly cookie-cutter brides and bridesmaids. (Oh, I mean, except for your wedding: Yours was as different and beautiful as a snowflake.) While some might say that this process is a great way to unite friends and family across generational lines, the truly savvy realize that it’s just another way to strip edgy young brides of their individuality because, let’s face it, David’s Bridal is so squaresville. Plus, weddings are a competition, and only the most special of Bridezillas get to enjoy the benefits of putting their friends’ wedding wardrobes to shame.

Seeing this crucial void in the marketplace, Urban Outfitters has announced that they will be launching a new bridal brand of gowns, accessories, décor, and gifts in time for Valentine’s Day, 2011. So in case you’ve already set the date for sometime before then, remember: It’s never too late to postpone your ceremony. It will be worth it. Every woman has the right to look like a princess on her wedding day, and the only way that your family and friends will be able to fully understand that you have a truly meaningful aesthetic will be to see you walking down that aisle wearing a *perfectly* distressed pseudo-vintage wedding gown, leggings, a novelty tiara, and a pair of limited-edition Converse. Plus, you’ll be able to dress your normally-mainstream bridesmaids (who probably live in fucking Exton or something) in some totes-cool floral print sundresses with oversized glittery belts and shutter shades. They might not get it, but just tell them that it’s something like Gwen Stefani did at her wedding…at least that’s a point of reference they’ll be able to understand. They’ll be impressed, yet none the wiser as to how truly meaningful your wedding is. And then you’ll smile a smile of fulfillment because you did it: You got married, but you stayed true to yourself and your ideals. None of their weddings will ever be able to compete.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 8th, 2010 at 3:42 pm.