The Craigslist Matchmaker: Makin’ Matches
With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, we’ve been thinking about all of our single readers, all of whom we know would just be so much happier if only they were in relationships. (Ed: Really? Really?) What could we do to help them find “the one?” Since we know that they spend lots of time online (reading Philebrity), we figured that the best course of action would be to go where they are (cyberspace), read their Craigslist ads, and pair them up two-by-two, equipping them with the tools and information necessary to start up a happy romance. Thus was born The Craigslist Matchmaker: Like a meddling old lady from a bygone era, the Craigslist Matchmaker is a possessor of rare knowledge and keen instincts to help our single readers navigate love’s battlefield. Today, the Craigslist Matchmaker has generously decided to help “Generous Gent,” a 38 year-old PA male. Here’s what he’s looking for:
“I am looking for a very sexy gal to join me for some comfortable evenings out.
This can be a very “rewarding” experience as I can contribute to your fun “fund”
as you desire.All ages and races welcome!
Hope to hear from you…..”
It goes without saying that we expected Generous Gent to be a giving fellow based on his name alone, but his promises of comfortable evenings spent contributing to his sweetie’s fun fund totally blew away our expectations! Oh, and he’s not an ageist or racist, as long as she’s a “sexy gal”! What. A. Catch.
Happily for Generous Gent, a 24-year-old gal in NE Philly/BucksCo is looking for an “exotic GENTLEMAN”! She’s looking for a gent! What are the odds?! While we can’t attest to how exotic Generous Gent is, his decision not to list his exact location certainly adds an intriguing aura of mystery. This lovely lady might come across as guarded at first (“I’m not into friends with bens or anything of that sort. Men who are educated, have a valid license and car, open, forward (not to forward) and willing to communicate in a positive manor, independent cultured, mature and just rounded are who I want to converse with, I as well possess those qualities!”) but soon blossoms into model dating material: “Me… I have a wonderful career/job, drive, in school, I love my family and animals, I’m very witty.or at least i think so HA. I’m an artist of fine art and music, I sing write paint sculpt draw….” However, she cautions that she’s “NOT INTO HOOD GHETTO MEN!!! If getting dressed UP involves a thro back and fitted…I’m not ur woman!” You hear that, Generous Gent? Don’t show up for the date in a thro back and fitted! Though this lady might be a bit demanding when it comes to observing time-honored dating protocol (“NO PIX NO REPLY! ! I DONT WANA HEAR THE FILE WAS TO BIG! MAKE IN [sic] SMALLER!! REPLY WITH “GOODMAN” in the subject!”), clearly stating one’s wants and needs is the foundation of a healthy relationship.
If we might be so bold as to suggest an activity for your first date, there are few things as romantic as a long car ride. How about heading over to East Norriton to check out this free non-working Aiwa stereo (speakers can be purchased for $10). Ten years from now, when Generous Gent and his date are in a committed relationship, relaxing on a bearskin rug in front of their cozy fireplace, they’ll look up at their non-working stereo system on the mantle and remember fondly their first romantic car ride to East Norriton spent making small talk and whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears.
