The Only One Who Won’t Judge You For Finding Love On SEPTA Is… SEPTA

Sure, we’ve all seen bums masturbating on the El — I mean, we have all seen that, right? — but do you think anyone actually ever finds real love on the SouthEastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority? With thousands upon thousands of riders every day, it seems inevitable. Which is why SEPTA is asking you to tell your story if you have found your One True Love whilst trying not to touch your head against the weird head grease stain on the window. It’s all part of a tie in with the Mural Arts Program’s “Love Letters” series of murals by Steve Powers. If, by some chance, you’ve missed these, we won’t front: They’re utterly amazing and definitely one of the coolest programs Mural Arts has ever done. Anyway, if you write in to SEPTA and tell them your story, they’re offering a chance to win an invitation for you, the happy couple, to ride the Mural Arts Program’s special Valentine’s Day decorated “Love Train.” Afterwards, there will be a champagne reception with all of the winning couples, hopefully held at one of the El stops that does not smell like pee. You may not be able to get to heaven on the Frankford El, but hey: You may be able to get some.

13 Responses to “The Only One Who Won’t Judge You For Finding Love On SEPTA Is… SEPTA”

  1. iamdante Says:

    Sorry, I’ve never seen anyone masturbate on the El. The rarity of such an event, if it ever happened, makes it something not too funny when it is one of those extreme exaggerations that seems to make it into the Philly culture. There’s enough real things to poke fun about without making shit up.

  2. tips Says:

    It is not as rare as you think.

  3. iamdante Says:

    I’ve never seen it. I don’t know anyone who has. It’s extremely rare to nonexistent.

  4. ggliwa Says:

    As much as I hate backing something that Sweeney said I have to be honest, it happens, often. The best time to witness this rare species is in the 3:00 hour. The feather that tickles these guys fancy tends to be Hallahan girls on their way home from school. I have also seen it on the 25 and 39 bus route.

  5. friendlynerd Says:

    Oh! Dante hasn’t seen it so it must never happen anywhere ever. Sorry Sweeney, case is closed on this one.

  6. emilyg Says:

    Never seen SEPTA masturbation, but did witness a bum handjob once on a late el train that eventually turned into a bum blowjob, to the horror of me, my friend and the group of teenage boys sitting near us.

  7. tips Says:

    @friendlynerd: He is Dante, you know.

  8. julie.t Says:

    never saw the masturbation, but a friend DID see a bum on a bus take a plastic bag out of his pocket, pee a significant quantity into it, tie it up, and throw it out the back door at the next stop. no lie.

  9. iamdante Says:

    @tips and friendlynerd:

    “we’ve all seen bums masturbating on the El — I mean, we have all seen that, right?”

    Case closed…

  10. amc4232 Says:

    The Frankford El goes straight to….Frankford!

  11. sadestgirlstorie Says:

    does two homeless people having sex in the market east women’s bathroom count?

  12. ericamr Says:

    maybe we’ll send those bastards our therapy bill. and our transfer pass the bus driver refused to accept.

    SHARE YOUR STORY. it’s therapeutic.

  13. emily street Says:

    I did see that at the 8th and Market stop when I was in 10th grade. I’ve also seen it on the DC Metro. I could go on but I’ll spare the world.

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