Fat Ladies And How They Are Not Singing Yet: Your Pre-Game Phils Round-Up
· But first, let’s talk some shit about Cole Hamels. Pick which one of the following quotes is real:
“We’re in the process of adopting [A BLACK TACO]. Maybe two. I’m so pumped. I’d adopt six if I could. When I was five years old—I grew up in a very rural town in Missouri, and I had never even seen a [BLACK TACO]—they asked us to draw a picture of ourselves in the future, and I drew myself holding [A DOZEN BLACK TACOS WITH EXTRA JACK SAUCE]. I’ve always wanted this.”
“I can’t wait for it to end. It’s been mentally draining. It’s one of those things where, a year in, you just can’t wait for a fresh start.”
Sadly, it is the second one that is real. The first is what Heidi Hamels should be saying anytime anyone asks her anything, ever. Ugh. COLE HAMELS, LEAVE PHILLY NOW, YOU FUCKING PUSS. Your head is not in this game, and that is not OK. Related: STOP ADVERTISING THINGS.
· Someone Famous Went Somewhere Once: Derek Jeter went to Barclay Prime, and a bunch of other Yankees, like the assholes they truly are, hung out at Davio’s. We refrained from dignifying this with its own post.
· Moving right along: Anybody care to wager on the likelihood of A-Rod getting hit by the ball again tonight?
· Cliff Lee, it’s all in your hands, dude. And should you lose your way, just remember: What’s Fonzie? Go ahead, you know the answer: What’s Fonzie? He’s… cool. That’s right, he’s cool.
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:23 pm
I was in the stands for Game 3 and you should have fucking heard the anti-Cole-Hamels sentiment. People hate him. There is nothing Philly about that guy. He makes cheesy commercials for cheesy things, has the body language of a fucking baby at all times, and called out CHASE FUCKING UTLEY for making a throwing error. Chase Utley gets to make an error now and again, because he’s Chase fucking Utley. You belong in fake-ass Los Angeles.
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:09 pm
I want to give him another year-do you remember last year? A sophomore slump is legit for many great players, I think he will get better.
That being said, his wife should lay off the fake and bake, especially when she had that bun in her oven.
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:28 pm
I think he sold his Mojo to Comcast.
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:45 pm
I think all mlb players advertise things. I’m sure you saw the hotel and subway commercials.
November 2nd, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Cole is a pouty little pussy. If Cliff Lee gets to wear a Leather Fonzie style jacket, Cole Hamels should wear a diaper and suck a pacifier. Cole, get your shit together and at least stop pouting.. Or get the fuck out of town. Go Phills!
November 2nd, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Cole Hamels brought the coffin, Brad Lidge brought the hammer and nails. Fuck ‘em both.
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
First, although you later mention that the first quote is Heidi’s the way it is set up initially is dishonest especially after you mistakenly credited it to Cole the first time.
Second, get a memory people. Cole (and Lidge) hasn’t had it this year, but did last year. That’s how it goes sometimes. If you want to be real about attitude and “Philly-ness” then Cole loses points because he is public. None of these guys are from here or act like they are. What is so “Philly” about Howard, Ruiz, Victorino, or any of these guys. The quieter or more cliche guys allow you to fill in the blanks with what you want to hear.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:20 am
Don’t worry Clifzie, the King of the White Girls had your back.
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Thanks for finally figuring out that they are both douchey and that it’s not just her.
On the other hand- shame all of you for turning so quickly on the very people who made last year possible. I’ve never seen fans so quick to boo their own- it’s despicable.
November 3rd, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Cole was the 2008 World Series MVP, and the Hamels gave $50,000 to Stetson Middle School (most of you can’t spell B & Allegheny.) He gets a free lifetime pass in my book.
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Lame.
And I’m not talking about Cole Hamels’ comments.
The way the town has turned on Hamels in a single season is vintage “PHILLY” bullshit. Sure he’s an emotional pretty-boy, but he’s also one of the principal reasons the Phils are World FUCKING Champions. Jumping all over him when he’s down is just ridiculous. It sure isn’t going to help him turn things around, and it’s not like he’s intentionally under-performing and therefore worthy of our scorn.
The same goes for Lidge.
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:52 pm
ResIpsaLoquitur: agree. Let’s hope he can get it back over the offseason.
That being said, he and Heidi and their two fake multiracial children are totally fucking annoying in those ads.
And Brett Myers is a douchbag of epic proportions.