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And Now, Black Taco, A Spontaneous Poem By J.M.M. Sweeney Jr.

1978PhilliesYearbookHoly shit! That was NEARLY 24 HOURS OF CORONARY-INDUCING POST-SEASON BASEBALL! And can we start off by saying FUCK THE TBS ANNOUNCERS AND ANYTHING THEY EVER DO AGAIN! And that TBS strike box thing! Fuck that! What was that! Also, FUCK MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL! You have made your feelings known about us! So why shouldn’t we! Also, WHO THE FUCK LIES ABOUT THE TEMPERATURE OUTSIDE! If you would lie about that, you’d lie about ANYTHING! That Sunday night game made zero sense! Neither team deserved to win! No human beings deserved anything after that game! What a display! Oh, the humanity! But it gave way to last night’s amazing ballgame! Which I deem, here, now, and forevermore “BLACK TACO!” For it was the BLACK TACO that is our new talisman of victory! Say it with me! BLACK TACO! BLACK TACO BUFFET! The Gods of Win shall know what you mean! And they will smile upon you! Like they did with Ben Francisco! I LOVE YOU BEN FRANCISCO! And Scott Eyre! I’m sorry I talked so much shit on you! I’m sorry I said that you and Clay Condrey would make fantastic two-ply toilet paper! But seriously dude! You got lucky! We all got lucky! It is my belief! That! The umpires in this whole series! Must have been distracted by the Facebook app! Or situationist artists just trying to see how much the public could take! And Denver! How did you make it stay 1988 in Denver forever! That is so weird! Orange hat guy! Holy shit orange hat guy! We’d also like to put it out there right here and now that Darren Daulton looks like he knows how to party! DARREN DAULTON BLACK TACO BUFFET PARTY! And to that Jiminez guy: We’re sorry we broke your will! You look like a nice guy! You also look like Obama and Jay-Z all mixed up together with some crying lady on the evening news! Why you look so sad! Nobody stays on the Rockies forever! WE STOLE YOUR MEMORIES! It’s a fact! Ask anybody in Denver if they remember anything that happened before Ryan Howard‘s double last night! They don’t! BLACK TACO! And Brad Lidge! Don’t worry about it! I have a million friends like you! They’ve been fucking up everything for everybody all year! But we still love them! They’ll come through! Eventually! Just like you did! And why for the love of cripes has the time of the game on Thursday NOT been announced yet! We’ve already postponed the Philebrity Awards! What more can you possibly want from us! Holy shit! BLACK TACO! BLACK TACO WE SHALL BURN LOS ANGELES TO THE GROUND! HELLO BLACK TACO MY OLD FRIEND! I’ve come to talk with you again! A vision softly creeping! Black taco. Black taco. Black taco.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 10:39 am.

  • mBeck

    also, fuck Bon Jovi’s NLDS song/jingle and the Colorado snow-flaps douche behind home plate for games 3 & 4.

    http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa139/airbeddude/8121_153687669015_87061029015_28521.jpg

  • mappy

    SNOW-FLAPS DOUCHE!!! will be my mental picture of rockies fans forevermore. someone needs to make an animated gif of that guy jackassing around.

  • goldsounds

    Totally with you on the weird Obama look of Jimenez. It was creepy.

    Probably the single best baseball game I’ve ever seen. Quote goes to Howard: “Get me to the plate, boys.” That’s a motherfucking World Fucking Champion. Fuck!

  • barryg

    Dude, you are out of your mind. Trying to read that poem is like trying to read an email from that chick at Greensgrow.

    However, I am 100% in favor of the BLACK TACO moniker. In fact, maybe this is the BLACK TACO post-season.

  • Adam_B

    Ryan Howard IS Black Taco!

  • http://bostodelphia.blogspot.com C. The Impaler

    Get it right, for once, Philebs. It’s the BLACK JACK TACO (it’s the zesty pepper jack sauce which is pretty much lifted from their old volcano taco when I’m thinking it was called volcanic jack sauce, the fact that “jack sauce” survived all those rounds of copy says something genius or stupid). It was first sighted Sunday amid all the “All You Need is Love” bullshit.

    Now, go find a girl to realize when she sees you face to face that she should drop you, only to prove her own stupidity in the first place by running back to you because of a fucking text.

  • http://www.myspace.com/bleached_black jeffreybleachedblack

    the Black Taco shell looks like the hardened feces of a homeless person.

    http://shortbus.org/bloggin/2009/08/26/sf-street-pooping/

  • kiitymaki

    C The Idiot, the commercial says “black taco” over and over. You need to clean the hate out of your ears and listen better!

  • http://bostodelphia.blogspot.com C. The Impaler
  • kiitymaki

    C. The Idiot, the commercial says “black taco” over and over. You need to clean the hate out of your ears and listen better!

  • ride1076

    @barryg – HA! Everytime I get those emails, I’m amazed/slightly annoyed at how manic they are.

    @Cheese – BLACK TACO.

  • tips

    @ Cheese: BLACK TACO

  • http://www.myspace.com/lasttide Nate

    It actually kind of reminds me of the Boxxy videos, in text form.

  • http://bostodelphia.blogspot.com C. The Impaler

    You just go, or send an intern, to a Taco Bell and ask for a Black Taco without the Pepper Jack Sauce and just see what happens.

    kittymaki, saying it twice doesn’t get either of us out of the Black Jack Taco box:

    http://www.tacobell.com/bigbox/

    Now excuse me while I go to Veracruzana.

  • http://www.myspace.com/lasttide Nate

    @C. The Troll:
    The commercial uses the phrase “black taco”, repeatedly. Not “black jack taco”, but “black taco.” We understand that it’s not actually the name of the product, but it’s what the commercial says, you see.

  • kiitymaki

    Mistakenly posting twice does not mean that they don’t actually say BLACK TACO multiple times during the commercial. Only you are arguing about ordering and not getting what you want, the rest of us are speaking of the actual commercial. Same old tactics by a guy who has so little to say, besides thinking he is always right…

  • steveeboy

    some prefer “Black Taco”

    Cheesey the Troll prefers “Black Cock.”

  • AquaBoogie

    Game Times …. (all EDT) …..

    Thursday 8, Friday 4:30, Sunday 8.

  • http://bostodelphia.blogspot.com C. The Impaler

    Wow, kitty, you know this screen name so well … who are you again? Take your BLACK (jack) TACO chip off your shoulder. Some folks treat the internet soooo seriously.

    (Pro tip: I don’t usually pay much attention to commercials, and find the fact that some copywriter for YUM managed to get “jack sauce” past multiple reviews a lot funnier than the Pavlovian response to the BLACK TACO campaign you’ve been hooked into. I’m sure you’ll get irritated with yourself when you see Adbusters at the Whole Foods checkout again).

    Glad you had so much to say, kitty.

  • kiitymaki

    I tired of your schtick on the NL message board years ago, and was sad to see you move over here.

    Funny you mention Adbusters, as I’m a subscriber and have never eaten at Taco Bell, so your assumptions are way off the mark. Nice try, but next time know your subject better and your hate will be more effective!

  • http://bostodelphia.blogspot.com C. The Impaler

    kittymaki, if you READ Adbusters your “independent mind” would realize whether you buy Taco Bell or not you’re EATING THE MEME playing along with it. I’m fine with that, but as a card carrying Adbusters subscriber, you sorta just proved my point. But you’re easily played by Trollbait, so this is all soaring over your head.

    The important issue is if the BLACK (jack) TACO TIDE rides it’s way all the way to World Fucking Champions once more, will this guy endorse the Jack Sauce?

    http://www.philebrity.com/2008/10/30/this-is-an-ass-naked-man-burning-his-own-underwear-in-the-middle-of-broad-street/

    Always wondered how or if that guy got home that night.

  • schmoe

    Get this man a BLACK (jack) TACO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OynuM96ZGLo&feature=player_embedded
    fuck yeah, jimmy!

  • kiitymaki

    The only meme or bait I ate was your misdirected “get it right” when you are the (repeatedly) proven clueless troll. You know nothing about me, my memes, or my beliefs. The only reason I (grudgingly) know anything about you is because you spout annoying long winded diatribes everywhere I like to waste my work day :(

  • John Lightstone

    Do they make black snuggies? Cause you could make a hell of a black taco costume with one of those . . . .

  • http://bostodelphia.blogspot.com C. The Impaler

    kitty, neither I nor Taco Bell need to know anything else about you. Just keep playing :)

    Lightstone, do not get jack sauce on that snuggie. It’s going to a homeless person, even though the price of 1 Snuggie could buy the homeless almost 23 BLACK (jack) TACOS.

  • gabe

    black taco.

  • expat attack

    black taco

  • ride1076

    black dog

  • expat attack

    black sheep

  • djlynnabraham

    block taco

  • rk

    black taco

  • Ronnie

    I’m having a hard time accepting this. A terrible “poem” was written to intentionally create an internet meme and it is picking up steam, why? because Philebrity says it is funny and great and all things Phillies World Series Run 2009? All of the independent thinkers should be ashamed of themselves for following this clown. Where’s my sense of humor? Buried somewhere inside of a mexican pizza, and NOT a black one…