In This Post, We Request That You Write Instant Poetry To Soothe The Soul Of Sticky, The Duct-Taped Cat From Philly
Oh God, Sticky. That’s just awful. Hey everybody, I know what could cheer Sticky up right now! How about POETRY? Haikus, limericks, free verse, whatever. Do your thing. We’ll get it started:
- HAIKU FOR STICKY
I’m no cat person
And I’ve even wished cats dead
But that’s just too fucking much.
Now you! In the comments!
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:18 pm
5-7-5 yo!
as such:
small-dicked psychopath
saw fit to duct tape a cat
please lock him away
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:27 pm
taped cat wants revenge
I really hope he gets it
gouging out some eyes
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:32 pm
From a silver cocoon
Mistreated feline asks hopefuly
I can has scissors?
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:39 pm
I first saw this pic
I thought it was very cute
Now I feel bad. aww
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:40 pm
hey duct tapin cat owner,
you’re one sick fuck.
i hope that someone comes along
to change your luck.
it might be me.
because, you see,
i hate you.
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Very sad cat, yes.
But how else was I gonna
Ship him to my ex?
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:58 pm
There once was a cat in the city
from a part of the town that is shitty
He got wrapped up in tape
by no simple mistake
so the spca named him sticky
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:27 pm
little girls do silly things
making cradles for cats out of string
dressing up pets in time for tea
little boys like to blow up cars
soldiers frogs cats whatever
thank god for petroleum distillates
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Think I’ll go with a William Carlos Williams steez for this one:
My Choctaw ancestors
would pride themselves
on
their
scalps
and paint them red
The worm who did this to a defenseless animal
would be the reddest of all
on my coup stick.
I’d give a blood-curdling war whoop
cut across his forehead while giving a hard tug
peel peel peel
then
off
into the green underbrush
I’d evaporate.
September 23rd, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Philthydan wins!
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:08 pm
don’t these assholes know:
aluminum foil, way
fucking funnier?
September 24th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Just wanted to fit
in. Damn cat fraternities.
Next elephant walk?
September 24th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Welcome, Michael Vick!
Can you borrow my duct tape?
Sure, can I ask why?
September 24th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Taper of the cat
Hoping we catch you real soon
Beat your damn head in
September 24th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I don’t mean to be a petty quibbler in the comments section of a blog, but I can’t help it, deep down that’s who I am….
Folks, taking whatever you were going to say and breaking it up into the 5-7-5 syllable pattern doesn’t automatically make it a haiku. The point is to use that format in the service of imagery. That’s why it’s called poetry, people. Let’s put a little bit of effort into our blog comment poetry threads.
September 24th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
nit picking quibbler
in the Philebrity comments
this is my poetry
September 24th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Not bad, John. What about something like:
Monitor flickers
Hands punch in comments; Quibbler
Wrapped up in duct tape
September 24th, 2009 at 5:50 pm
I love Sticky, though his owners do not.
Looking so cute like a furry robot.
There are nice kitty moms out there, you will see!
They hug, kiss and play- and are duct tape free!
This isn’t your fault, you deserve much better
You’ll soon be trolling Rittenhouse in a DoggyStyle sweater.
Or at the Piazza waving to all your fans,
in their huge nerdy glasses and busted up Vans.
You’ve escaped your sticky prison, and we are all so glad.
Now you can chase ribbons, lick faces, and purr like mad.
Philly totally loves you, we can kind of relate..
In one way or another, we’re trapped in our own duct tape.
But now you’ve shown us that there’s a way out!
Feel trapped? Break free, live it up – that’s what life’s about!
Have fun on TV, and in your new home.
And when you’re sad about all this, just read a Philebrity poem.
There’s people out there who care about you..
And my cat watches the news, so she loves you too.
And if I cross that asshole who taped you with duct,
I pinky-paw swear they are totally fucked.