The Philebrity Lexicon: “Revenge Breeding”

wilcobabyre·venge bree·ding · noun.
Modern sociological construct — though really it is as old as time itself — whereupon one social group or class of people begins to procreate out of concern that if they do not, the world will one day be taken over completely by STUPID PEOPLE, BIRTHERS, DEATHERS, REDNECKS, HICKS, BOUGIE FREAKS and so on. Post-2001, REVENGE BREEDING has seen a marked decline as fears of terrorism and reprisals of Republican rule have run rampant throughout American society. Simultaneously, the American CREATIVE CLASS has been both aging and susceptible to a kind of social posturing in which couples take great pleasure in pondering just how OVER IT they may or may not be. (N.B.: In this case, “it” would be activities such as NIGHTLIFE, PROMISCUOUS SEX and NON-SHAME-BASED RECREATIONAL DRUG USE.) Frequently in modern society, REVENGE BREEDING has been talked about in strictly hypothetical terms; but in recent years, it has become a real thing, rising in direct proportion to other factors such as CHARTER SCHOOLS, URBAN GENTRIFICATION and CHILD-FRIENDLY WILCO MERCHANDISE (see photo at right). Ironically, however, the sociological and political concerns of REVENGE BREEDERS are often abandoned once the child is born, as few people of any political persuasion are comfortable in using children to upset dominant paradigms. Instead, REVENGE BREEDERS often merely project their own preferences and social politics onto their children in a more reserved manner, setting the stage for an adolescent rebellion that often can manifest itself only in shades of GOTH, STRAIGHT EDGE, POST-EMO CHRISTIANITY or some combination thereof.

Ex.: “Having lived and worked in Fishtown for some time now, I have come to the conclusion that the only way to stop the steady stream of TEENAGE OXY ZOMBIES and STREET URCHINS is a healthy dose of good ol’ REVENGE BREEDING.”

The Philebrity Lexicon seeks to put down for posterity the words we’ve been saying all our lives. Got a suggestion for the Lexicon? Just make sure it’s a word; no grunting “YO”‘s our “YOUSE”‘s here. And send it along to tips[at]philebrity[dot]com.

16 Responses to “The Philebrity Lexicon: “Revenge Breeding””

  1. jburnside Says:

    Black folks have been revenge breeding for years. Helped along by Lyndon Johnson’s ghetto giveaway “The Great Society” where they actually got paid to multiply.The same thing is now going on with all manor of 3rd world immigrants. They breed, we pay.

    *******************FIGHT OBAMUNISM ************************

  2. gabe Says:

    Jesus, did I wander into a comments section by mistake?

  3. tips Says:

    You know, this isn’t the exact kind of crazy I thought this post was going to draw out, but whatever. I’ll take it. Do go on, jburnside, you fascinating man!

  4. expat attack Says:

    I see burnie took my advice to get with times and get some new anti-obama lingo! Good job! Now don’t make me remind you again in six months when Obamunism becomes played out!

    Here’s a hint though…

    What’s worse than socialism, fascism, communism, Stalinsm, etc.? Flat out genocide. That’s right, I’m talking Obamacide! Now that’s copyrighted so make sure you pay my $10 license fee everytime you use it, mmkay?

  5. jburnside Says:

    Enjoy life in your little liberal bubble.

    At some point in the future, you will look around and realize that you are just a small minority. Ah!That’s OK you’ll say because you will be protected by the laws that have protected all minorities for years. Not so fast white boy that shit won’t apply to you but will still apply to them.

    Of course with your white hating, self loathing liberal brain, you will see the wisdom of that.

    ******************* FIGHT OBAMUNISM *******************

  6. Sonny Says:

  7. arcticsplasher Says:

    jburnside, take a breather and put the keyboard down before you give yourself a heart attack or choke on your own froth. geez, if only there were enough islands in the world so that every little jburnside could go dig their own little conservative foxhole and leave the rest of us alone. we could finally get some shit done.

  8. t-train Says:

    jburnside = arthur kade = performance art.

    Seriously, is it even possible that jburnside is real and not a sick parody?

    One has to admire the verisimilitude. Were I playing the joke, I probably would not have either the insight or the creativity to substitute “manor” for “manner” in the same fashion that a worthless, ill-educated, little-dicked, know-nothing clown would.

  9. arcticsplasher Says:

    too true, t-train. he’s a headline act in the conservative fringe festival.

  10. jburnside Says:

    I just signed my dog up for welfare. I am pretty sure he is eligible. He’s black, lazy and has no idea who his daddy is.

    ******************** FIGHT OBAMUNISM ********************

  11. John Lightstone Says:

    @t-train: definitely some hot ass ball ass posting by jburnside on here.

  12. dx Says:

    @jburnside: dude, i’m already “just a small minority.” and i guess banning me from serving in the military could be construed as “laws that have protected” me, but otherwise pretty much everything on the books as it stands now restricts my rights. in fact, i voted for the big O specifically because he promised to fix that, but he seems to be siding with assholes like you currently, so maybe you should have another look at the guy, you probably agree on more than you realize…

  13. dr_gingivitis Says:

    I still don’t get the original point, and all the comments only cloud my understanding.

  14. expat attack Says:

    The original point being that only we can save ourselves from jburnside and oxytrash…by glorious procreation.

  15. dr_gingivitis Says:

    Oh, that makes sense, I guess. So what does the Wilco shirt have to do with it? And if my son has that shirt, what does that say about me? Really all I want to know is does this make me even less hip, or is buying your kid a Wilco shirt such a admission of your own unhipness that it’s at least a cosmic wash?

  16. tips Says:

    @dr_gingivitis: It’s not a judgement thing. It just is.

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