Hey, America! Politics got you down these days? Mystified by the Birthers, and just saddened by the Deathers, and wondering when the hell Sarah Palin is gonna get off her duff and do something exciting again? US TOO! And while we know it isn’t much, it is something: Psycho crybaby bitch/native PA son Rick Santorum (pictured — no, up there, you got it) is probably actually pretty seriously considering a presidential bid in 2012, according to Politico. And here’s the fun part: Even in the shallow, leaky pool that is the GOP 2012 Hopefuls, Santorum is still a total lightweight who will get LULZ’d out of the running before you can say “that frothy mixture.” Why? It’s easy: Santorum gets flustered. He can’t handle real debate of any kind — even within his own shitty political realm — and worse still (or better, depending on your point of few), he’s politically myopic. He can’t keep up. Let’s fast forward a couple of years: When the rest of the gang are riling everybody up about how, oh, I don’t know, the free health care system by then successfully in place is “gay” and “French,” and how civil rights for vampires are an abomination, ol’ Santorum over here will still be crying about fetuses and gay rights. (By 2011, though, half of the Republican base will be gay. That is, gay and out, leaving the other half still in the closet, suffering and loving silently, in the Chik-fil-A bathrooms of the world. Mark my words.) Oh, God. This is going to be so awesome. Santorum 2012!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 at 11:17 am.