Alright, look: We’re pretty much done with Arthur Kade. Now, this doesn’t mean that we’ll never post about him again — eventually, he’s bound to either come out of the closet or get arrested or get beat up, and so on — but in a very general way, our interest has waned. (Although, on his blog today, he compares himself to Rosa Parks because he took the Bolt Bus, for chrissakes, so maybe we speak too soon.) In any case, as a way of farewell, let’s ponder the elephant in the room here: Is Arthur Kade just, like, totally fucking made up? As in, is he a media stunt a la Andy Kauffman’s Tony Clifton character or whatever the fuck it was that Joaquin Phoenix was doing a few months ago? Conspiracy theories have abounded since Kade came pimpstrolling into our lives this spring; and indeed, people seem to want to believe he’s a fake, and a fraud, some kind of media prank. (And to be sure, in a way, he is: Kade’s bravura in his posting, we can assure, is his way of hamming it up for the cameras where there are none, where there may never be any. In truth, Arthur Kade is a scared little boy who’s out of his depth.) So are we saying that Kade is for real? Almost. There is a theory — based on what we’ve heard around town — that Kade’s posting style, early on, may have been “developed” or even ghostwritten by radio personality/low-culture maven G-N Kang; and that, further, Kang has chosen to remain anonymous about it due to her pending contract with, we shit you not, the Lingerie Football League of America. We don’t know about that, because it would prove two ironies that we simply can’t believe: One, that Kang is a fucking Charlie Kaufman-esque genius to have spun this character out of some cum-dumb goon from the Northeast, and two, that Arthur Kade would in fact be perhaps one of the greatest actors of his time for living in character so deeply that it’d make Lee Strasberg weep. And none of this will do. None of this will do at all. In the meantime, Kade’s blog has approached a kind of drone that suggests whatever spark of an idea that once was there has dulled, and his game now is basically just to try and offend people’s sensibilities in whatever ways he can, unaware that his entire lifestyle is an offense. And a boring one at that. So, for now, so long, Arthur. We’ll see you on the flippity-flop. And we do mean flop.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 14th, 2009 at 12:03 pm.