1. Every time you ring him up to connect, all he can talk about is how he could have been Rian Thal. Talk about a buzzkill.
2. Even when all you’d like to do is hand him a small pile of twenties in exchange for a bag of whathaveyou, he still insists on using the hard-boiled lingo of a crime novel, swinging his dick over “niners” this and “kilos” that.
3. Nobody wants to buy drugs from David Cross; they want to do drugs with David Cross.
4. If you seem a little addled, he’ll pleasantly remind you that he’s a social worker and can point you to any number of social services that could help a person in a situation like yours.
5. His parting words, every damned time, no matter how much you buy, are always the same: “The world of high-stakes drug deals is no glamorous fantasy game.” Uh, OK, thanks, Deeney.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 14th, 2009 at 12:16 pm.