And Now, Today’s GOOD NEWS: Bizzike Lizzanes!
It’s like this: The motorists of Philadelphia (and the motorists who come here from New Jersey) simply cannot be trusted. Even when their superego is trying like hell to drive around you and be all nice and Whole Foods about it, their ids — those raging, bloodthirsty, pigfucking ids — want to make fruit smoothies of your knees by pinning them to whatever’s between you and the curb, and if that is nothing, the curb will do just fine, thank you. And the only known cure for the problem is bike lanes. And you’re gonna get ‘em. On Spruce Street and on Pine Street. Before the summer is out. No, really. Well, probably, at any rate. At this point, I’d like to address the audience in a late 1970s park jam call-and-response: Somebody say PROGRESS! Somebody say SEXY! Somebody say SEXY PROGRESS! And ya don’t stop.
So there you have it: The world is not totally made of shit. Have you got some good news? If so, send it to tips[at]philebrity[dot]com with “GOOD MOTHERFUCKING NEWS!” in the subject header — we’d love to hear about it.
July 13th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
While I feel that no one should have fruit smoothies for kneecaps, I would like to remind you that the bike lanes, without expanding the width of the streets, will just mean eliminating an entire side of the street that people use for parking.
Have you ever noticed how packed it is without bike lanes between the moving and parked vehicles? This would be due to every available spot being full. Less parking would hurt the city even more. It could drive up prices of parking tickets and the remaining meters to compensate for the loss of parking revenue and the private lots could feasibly raise their rates due to “supply and demand”. It’s business kids and loss of parking and rising parking rates could very well lose Center City some serious economic prosperity.
This all just seems a short sighted solution to a problem that is much bigger than skinned knees and road rage. The city was build when there were far fewer people. Maybe we just need to learn to share and care.
July 13th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Now THAT’S change we can believe in.
July 13th, 2009 at 6:09 pm
@ lordbeard….the bike lines were going to replace a moving lane, not a parking lane (that spruce and pine only allow parking on one side is forgotten 1 day out of 7). There would be no loss of parking.
there would be a loss of two lane driving, so delivery trucks and such will have a problem finding a place to pull over. but parking won’t be hurt.
your argument would be more compelling if the link didn’t specify (and the picture as well, btw) that there would be no loss of parking, except for the loss of the ability to illegally double park.
July 13th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
only question would be: how will it affect the 12 (and 40 on the weekends)? traffic pushed to one lane = (more) delays for the buses?
July 14th, 2009 at 3:13 am
@ rk, the picture shown could easily be 21st and chestnut deprived of the bus lane, there is no recessed parking on one side of the street. if you were to replace the little bike figures with cars it would look exactly the same. the diagram is not quite picture perfect. please don’t get uppity.
denser traffic would just make it more dangerous for bikers because irate drivers and taxis would still attempt to cut around using the bike lane, especially for double parked delivery drivers.
I just don’t see it fixing any more problems than it will be causing. the idea doesn’t seem worth the paint it will use to draw the new lines let alone the man power to do so.
July 14th, 2009 at 4:13 am
i might have been confusing in my last posting, if you were to replace the bikes with parked cars it would easily look like any street in the city with parking on both sides.
July 14th, 2009 at 8:50 am
@lordbeard, please just admit that you’re wrong and that your words are sophism, pure and simple. Bike lanes will cause parking tickets to go up?
This is great news for bikes and cars, actually, because there are already lots of people who bike around town, and now they’ll have a safer place to do it. Would be nice to have the bike lane raised, or some other kind of divide between it and the car traffic.
What I would really like to see is a Barcelona-style Ramblas down Broad and Market streets, with traffic on the outside and a broad pedestrian mall with trees on the inside.
July 14th, 2009 at 9:26 am
lordbeard…rif
it says EXPLICITLY “spruce and pine”. not “chestnut” not “walnut” not any other street…”spruce and pine”.
i get uppity when people screw up basic facts about something just to criticize it. stop doing that, and we’ll be cool.
July 14th, 2009 at 10:16 am
@lordbeard
Where do you live? For fuck’s sake, I haven’t lived in Philly for 4 years and even I know offhand that Pine and Spruce only allow parking on one side of the street.
Just admit you’re wrong and stop being a defensive prick.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Do the dangerous potholes on Pine and Spruce Streets extend to where the bike lanes are being painted in? Between road raging motorists and some severe blacktop deficiencies, I tend to stay off of those roads if possible. A good time, it is not.
Personally, I’d like to see SAMSOM STREET be re-christened into a “Bicycle Boulevard”, where bikes (and to be fair, delivery trucks for the businesses there) have the right of way over cars; with this rule being enforced. This happens in other progressive cities.
And as a friendly tip to other cyclists, compared to other main streets, Samsom is a road MUCH less travelled by motorists. Other than the shitty blacktop between 9th – 11th Streets it’s generally smooth sailing, especially on weekends. During the week, be mindful to use your bell when hospital employees cross the street against the light and scoff when you remind them you’re a moving vehicle with the right of way (assuming one is being a POLITE cyclist, following rules of the road). And watch out for bewildered Union League members seeking parking between 13th & 16th Streets.
July 14th, 2009 at 11:35 am
@lordbeard: the severed muscles in my right shoulder would disagree that there’s little more at stake than “scraped knees and road rage.”
while i agree that a comprehensive transportation management plan would do this city wonders, this is a great first step toward encouraging more and safer bike riding, and *hopefully* cutting back on the number of drivers who throw their doors open wildly into oncoming traffic.
:shakes fist at idiot who doored me:
July 14th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Just like to point out that both Pine and Spruce are up to be completely repaved next summer, so this is intended to be experimental, to see if such a traffic pattern can work and to ID any problems that can be fixed. If successful it could become permanent and possible better (barrier vs. paint).
July 14th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Christ kids, i was merely pointing out that the picture itself didn’t look like any specific street, as rk was so ready to snark on about. I know pine and spruce only have parking on one side, both on the south side of the street complete with pot holes, parking meters and the occasional loading zone that becomes a parking spot after 10, happy now? just talking about the picture in the post. was pointing out that it was a generic city street drawing in regards to “your argument would be more compelling if the link didn’t specify (and the picture as well, btw) that there would be no loss of parking,” you guys really should calm down.
sorry to hear about your shoulder, there, friend. i generally dislike city drivers for different reasons, driving around, being cut off, idiots who don’t understand which streets are one or two lanes, etc. i blame it on people from jersey.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
As for the driver vs biker argument, that’s up there with Muslims vs Jews, smokers vs non smokers and Democrats and Republicans. Each side wants what is best for them. Simple answer, stop riding your bike. Take a cab, public transit, walk, paraglide. See how easy it is to make the argument on the other side? I do agree though, that parts of market and even the area near the franklin institute could use a bit of renovation, maybe jazz it up a bit, make it more pedestrian friendly, have a little mall there, allow select vendors, characture artists, florists, mimes. good times.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
at last, a point we can all agree on: blame it on jersey.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
also, michael, i was pointing out that any loss of revenue in either parking meters or in fines could lead to a hike in the amount of money of the fines themselves to compensate. since we’ve established that i wasn’t really paying attention to which streets were being used when I first read through the article that point is moot. And while sophic, I was simply trying to represent a point of view I felt would be absent in such a forum as this. it’s like highschool debate club. defend a side, make an argument.
do you think i really care about forum fighting? i might as well just bang my head into a wall repeatedly.
people who use words like sophism to make others feel stupid to brow beat them into admitting their wrong are not the type of people whose minds could ever possibly be changed by a paragraph of argumentative text.
peace, philadelphia.
July 14th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
in addendum, sophist means wise-ist or a wiseman, the root being derived from sophia meaning wisdom. in modern vernacular it can be used in reference to an argument that uses difficult words to intimidate an audience into agreeing. interesting, that. hm.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
and yes, i used their instead of they’re… wanna brow beat me some more ;)
July 14th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
@lordbeard: Parking on Pine St. is on the north side, not the south as you stated (excepting the section from 22nd to 25th streets.) You’d probably get less shit from people if you didn’t make yourself out to be an expert while being completely wrong.
July 14th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
see what i mean, against a fucking wall :p
July 14th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
parking on spruce is south side ;)
July 14th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Jesus Christ, Lord Beard…shut the fuck up already.