For weeks now, we’ve been hearing tell of a very well-executed signage prank, laid all over, deep within the byways of SEPTA that, once and for all, aiming to tell the truth about what is perhaps the nation’s most inefficient (and certainly the most surly) public transit system. This weekend, a reader finally got a clear shot of the sign, which is most likely still currently hiding in plain sight on an El car near you. It reads:
Notice to the Public
The Southeastern Pennsylvania Transportation Authority (SEPTA) is committed to providing non-discriminatory transportation services to all of its passengers, including schizophrenics, drug addicts, Irish Catholics, hipsters, homos, prostitutes, gentrifying transplants, raging maniacs, tourists, obnoxious Penn students, corner boys, pimps, drunk rich kids who still think Old City is cool, and terrified suburbanites who tremble with unease at the sight of everyone.
Any person who is or seeks to be a patron of any SEPTA public vehicle shall be entitled to the same depressing experience of loud cell phones, obese people eating McDonalds, parents telling their toddlers to “Shut the Fuck Up!,” and a constant inch-deep layer of urine-soaked trash and debris.
No person or group of persons shall be discriminated against on any grounds with regard to routing, scheduling, or quality of transportation service furnished by SEPTA, with the following exceptions — race, color, socioeconomic status, and proximity to the suburbs.
Any person who has experienced a cleaner, more efficient, more extensive and better managed public transportation system in the U.S. (e.g. most if not all) can feel free to notify SEPTA about potential improvements, which shall promptly be ignored.
It’s not just funny ‘cos it’s true. It’s true because it’s true. And there’s so much there to chew on. If anyone knows who’s behind this truly inspired and fucking fantastic prank, please get at us — we’d love to interview you. Anonymity will be guaranteed. We might also try to make out with you.
Click on image to enlarge.