And Now, Philebrity’s Unfinished Thoughts About The PhillyMag Arthur Kade Piece
· The piece, titled “The Arthur Kade Project,” was penned by Dan P. Lee, also author of the Hatchet Lite® piece on Sweeney a few years back, and strangely, follows roughly the exact same formula and dramatic arc. Not surprising. But also, if we can go meta here for a moment, totally terrifying, like a black hole made of disco ball mirrors. For a time, Lee, whose skin is made of madras, was assigned to PhillyMag’s brief-yet-productive “Let’s Fuck With Hipsters Because We Feel Mildly Threatened By All The People Alive Who Are Not Reading Us And Not Dying” beat, but this piece proves two things: One, the economy has killed off that beat like it has everything else, and two, Lee is most at home in his own thin-lipped cultural element, where the reference points are big and nobody’s making him do too much heavy lifting.
· This piece will finally bring to light for Philadelphians the scourge that is adult male acne.
· Lee blames Philebrity for making the world aware of Arthur Kade. We’re not so sure about that, but hey, whatever.
· Lee’s entire exposure to Philadelphia nightlife consists of nights out spent with Kade and, conversely, Sweeney, a strange combination indeed. Just imagine. Wow.
· Seriously, does every story about a douchebag in Philadelphia have to, by law, include a namedrop of DelFrisco’s?
· Strongbox.
· Daddy issues: Is there a single human being among us without them? Sigh. Arthur, we almost feel bad for you today. In fact, we almost feel like we are you. Keep your chin up, buddy. Including the part with the Botox in it.
May 28th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
With Lee’s conflating Sweeney and Kade to identical narrative arcs, there’s only one place left to go: Kade/Philebrity mashup at the stem cell level resulting in NOT a singularity of human rage and narcissistic contempt that will swallow the sun whole like Icarus meets Cloverfield BUT INSTEAD a man who after accepting everything and being accepted by everyone everywhere just goes off to live in a quiet, modest, middle class Jersey suburb, the rest of Philadelphia remaining unchanged aside from the perpetual contemplation of what just happened.
You know, kinda like what the third movie would’ve been like if the guy who did Night Watch and Day Watch was able to complete the trilogy.
May 28th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Kade has macne!
I’m totally supportive of the mashup idea, though. Can synchronized swimming be involved? (This is the way the mind works when you’re on medical house arrest.)
Hickey, out.
May 28th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Hilarious.
May 28th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Hmm I looked at it in a different angle, I thought it was a note of apology that he tip his hat to you thus sending all those additional readers to Philebrity.
May 28th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
@Hickey, I was actually figuring the stem cell mashup would be performed at Philly Blunt Labs or similar enterprise. I imagine some sort of exercise involving Sweeney and Kade swimming in a collapsing keystone pattern as the stem cell centrifuge works to usher our fallen world into the truth could be ordered up. As you know, people in lab coats can get away with a lot of shit.
May 28th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
arthur kade kinda reminds of cliff poncier:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-j31YoEeRU
May 29th, 2009 at 12:52 am
I’m waiting for my shiny Phillymag to read the story in ye olde print edition, but I gotta say, I liked Lee’s profile on you.
I also think it’s important to admit that I find Arthur Kade hilarious. I will not speak badly of him, and I fear I won’t have anything to live for once it turns out it’s all an act to get attention for the Shakespearean actor within or, um, it’s a big ad for, er, Coke?
May 29th, 2009 at 12:52 am
*shiney .. Damn it.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:18 am
I wish this would go away. I’m starting to feel bad for Kade (I know! Crazy, right?) and for all the people who are just so darn vitriolic about it all, and most of all, for Philadelphia, the unwilling host of this mess.
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:34 pm
I could have sworn i left my dignity around here sommwhere…
June 2nd, 2009 at 6:35 pm
i could have sworn i left my dignity around here somewhere…