So, because Hollywood is desperate and plot-driven content is (supposedly) a thing of the past — it’s only memes now, people, ONLY MEMES — Paramount Pictures is remaking Footloose. Now, we would argue that the original Footloose, which starred Kevin Bacon in the lead role as Ren McCormack, is every bit as much a part of this city’s collective Hollywood psyche as, say, Rocky, and certainly more than, say, Mannequin or Blow-Out (although the latter might be one of the best Philadelphia movies ever made, but that’s another post). Point is, we all have a pretty big emotional investment in who plays Ren in the remake. But, sorry everybody, it’s going to be Chace Crawford from Gossip Girl. Which is ridiculous. Bacon made this role as a smart-alecky East Coast-er tragically transplanted to the Corn Belt, where the closest line he could get on real rebellion was Kenny Fucking Loggins. But Ren made it work because — and this is the moral of Footloose 1.0, really — the amount of raw, real “Fuck You, I’m From Philadelphia” he had coursing through his veins was enough to topple religious zealotry, xenophobia and John Lithgow. Now, Chace Crawford? We’re not even sure this kid’s not a borg. And in any case, we know this: “Rebellion” for this guy is just the name of some high-end hair product. Fuck that. Back in Bacon’s day, they used something called mousse.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 21st, 2009 at 10:50 am.