In Case The Weekend Had You Pining For Some Kind Of Fountain Of Youth: Turns Out, The Youngs Are Even More Desperate And Insane Than You Are
Which, we suppose, could allow us to file this post under “GOOD NEWS,” but then again, maybe not. PhillySlut began following us on Twitter over the weekend, and with a handle like that, how could we not start a-clickin’? But what we found there made us kinda sad. On what at first sight sorta looked like Hostile City Jane without the impending sense of doom, or a hopefully less flaky Underboober — or hell, we’d even take a Shmitten Kitten that had dirty words — turns out to be just another post-grad roaming the city, vampire-like, swearing up and down that she’s cruising for casual sex but really seems to not be able to handle anything more robust than a five-minute lag in some UArts boy texting her back. To which we must say, at this point, as, well, Olds: Young Women of Philadelphia, were our struggles in the 1990s and early ought-years for NOTHING? STILL with this Sex & The City I-swear-I-just-wanna-have-fun-but-that-is-actually-a-TOTAL-LIE-but-it-appears-to-make-me-more-interesting thing? REALLY? We fought on the shores of degradation, forcibly forgetting everything we were taught by society so that we, and future generations, could screw freely, like the weird old people in John Updike books do, except it’d be hotter. We actually READ Sexual Personae — well, we read some of it, at least. And now you give us this? Look, there’s nothing wrong, per se, with being a Serial Spooner or a Wegman’s Wench or a Fairmount Frump. Just own it is all we’re saying. We’ve seen too many fall so that you may walk freely, and it’s just not right. It’s not even, well, slutty.
April 6th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
wait a minute…girls claim they wanna have fun, dance all up on you a the club and do “the sex”… but they’re really lying? AND soylent green is people? I never saw that coming!
April 6th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
That Phillyslut site is like Girl Interrupted with an Internet connection. That’s great that she’s 24 and self-identifies as a sexy person, but beyond that, her site reads like the diary entries of every roommate I had in college, like ever. I’ll bet she has the kind of bedroom where there are mysterious stains on her unadorned walls and it looks like her dresser vomited her clothing all over the place.
Reading her posts is a bit like having PMSy thoughts ALL THE TIME. On one hand, every girl has had the kind of thoughts she gives voice to. It’s relatable, I’ll give her that. On the other hand, these are the kinds of thoughts we try to suppress and only tell our bffs about after two Philly specials and a Kenzinger chaser. Shrug.
I guess this is what happens when you pine after emotionally unavailable coffee shop boys; you’re just left with the grinds.
April 6th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Eh.
April 6th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
@ Anna Agreed. And please philly-slut, quit shitting in the dating pool by letting guys treat you this way. This hack barista is getting the message that he can treat chicks this way and they will continue to text him and try to sext him when they are drunk. Not only does permitting this behavior lower your self-esteem EVEN MORE, but it messes up things for the rest of us.