Confession: We watch the Real Housewives shows on Bravo, but with the detached eye that, say, an Al-Qaeda operative would. For on each and every episode of the show, we learn over and over again that the terrorists are kinda right about us: Americans are a filthy, vile people, as loathsome as a RealDoll® with Bernie Madoff’s head and a fire-spouting vagina. We mention this for two reasons: A) admitting that you have a problem is the first sign that you may be able to cure it, and B) the next edition of the show is Real Housewives Of New Jersey. And while it’s safe to assume that RealHousewivesNJ will probably focus on the more northern variety of this great speckled bird — thereby setting perceptions of Italian-Americans back another one hundred years — history has taught us that these shows eventually run out of cities and have to make their way to Philly. So who’d be cast in the Philly version? Deposed Philly Style magnate Dana Spain-Smith? Citizen Mom? (No, she’d have to wait for Real Housewives Of South Jersey, which already exists, and it’s called Wife Swap.) Heidi Strobel-Hamels? Jennifer Weiner? The mind wobbles.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 18th, 2009 at 1:16 pm.