Wishing You Nothing But The Finest Mardi Gras, The Holiday For Assholes
Hey, remember the time when Philadelphia, like a crazy moron taking over the whole (admittedly small) brain power of an entire city that already likes to dress up in blackface and piss in the streets, thought it had a right to celebrate Fat Tuesday? Ah, yes, The Mardi Gras Riots of 2001. It was a proud moment, was it not?
After several people smashed the plate-glass windows of a liquor store, dozens entered the store and then emerged, carrying off bottles.
At another store, a man reached through shattered glass, grabbed a stuffed animal and kept walking. At least five stores were looted, Slawson said.
A shot from a WPVI-TV helicopter showed two people kicking a third on the sidewalk.
The violence was centered on South Street between 3rd and 7th Streets, he said.
That kinda took the wind out of the sails of Fat Tuesday in Philadelphia forevermore — and sadly, was also one of a chorus of death knells for South Street that only now are people in the neighborhood starting to come back from. And it gets to the heart of the Fat Tuesday culture nationwide, and how Philadelphia especially has no claim on it as we already celebrate two holidays in the most radically assholish fashion possible — New Year’s Day, and St. Patrick’s Day. Basically, if you’re not in New Orleans — where you’ve already paid for your ticket and know EXACTLY what you are getting into — keep that bead-and-zoobs shit in the privacy of your own home. This is February in Philadelphia: If we wanted to know what it feels like to be alive and wild, we’d huff kerosene and go onto Casual Encounters.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
February 24th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Happy Fastnacht Day!
February 24th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
I remember when that happened and thinking the exact same thing – “Why in god’s name are people celebrating Mardi Gras HERE?” I mean come on, is anyone in New Orleans having a Mummers Day parade on the 1st of Jan.? We have our own get-absolutely-drunk-and-crossdress-for-no-apparent-reason holiday, like it or not, and should just stick to that.
February 24th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Yes, expat, no one in the rest of the U.S. outside of New Orleans who’s a practicing or raised Catholic has any right to have any sort of carnivalesque indulgence prior to the beginning of the Lenten season tomorrow. This “Philly Mardi Gras ’01″ scandel doesn’t really say anything about today in particular that can’t be said under the general “this is why you can’t have nice things” admonition Philly’s given whenever there’s an opportunity to celebrate (let’s see the Sween get all Andy Rooney about Thanksgiving Eve this year too). It ain’t the occasion, it’s the people. Philebrity can enculturate the masses or it can continue on its strange “sinners in the hands of an angry god” trajectory.
Now besides the closet Papistry reflex, some of us actually dig Mardi Gras as an opportunity to bring our mad mixological and cullinary skills. None of CTI’s muffulatta, pancakes, Sazaracs or Vieux Carres for expat and the lot of Philebrity’s crew.
Tomorrow I will be so fat.
February 24th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Let us remember the real reason why. Cause it was like 75 degrees on a Tuesday in February. Also someone was shot on the Broad Street line AND one of the helicopters was broadcasting video of a car driving into a crowd of people!
February 24th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Impaler! Holy shit! Where ya been?At first, I thought it might have been an impostor, as your comment had a typo, which is NOT how you roll.
In any case, for the record, I hear what you are saying about the quandary to “enculturate the masses or it can continue on its strange ‘sinners in the hands of an angry god’ trajectory,” but damn, if you wanted evangelism all the time, why not go to Uwishunu?
February 24th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
i remember leaving out from a certain future phileb managing director’s spot on rodman that night in ’01 with ck to go down to look at all the crazies in front of fat tuesday’s. just after we arrived at the drunksterfuck at 5th and south there was a 40 of olde E thrown at the head of an nbc10 cameraman who was hanging out a second floor window of cheers to you. suddenly everyone seemed to agree that a riot was in order. a bunch of jersey party shirts and so. phila guidos (mummers in training no doubt) jumped on top of the nbc10 news van and started rocking it back an forth trying to break off the satellite antenna. we walked down a couple of blocks to get a some slices and be out of the way of any meatheads that might accuse us of being “sum fahggits” for our lack of l.a. looks xtreme hold styling gel or roid rage. the owner of the pizza spot locked the doors while we were ordering slices and turned out the entry way light while the violence passed by going west to find things to wreck. for some reason there was construction all along south st. with pallets of bricks waiting pre-ordained to be riot fodder. we were let out after the people passed by to find that we were in between the police who were taking over intersections one by one and pushing the crowd further west. i saw way more than five store window broken out by bricks. it was sad seeing some mrs. officer pulled off her bike and thrown to the ground. i also almost felt bad for the owner of early 90s ford escort that got flipped (i know that dude doesn’t have money for a new whip). i remember walking by wondering about what sort of overtime the poor schmucks at the gap were getting paid to stand in every window of the locked store hoping that there was some humanity to appeal to that would prevent a brick coming at them. i worry sometimes about winter in this city. it becomes so manic depressive. the doldrums of cold and dreary days drag us into depression with the occasional outburst of batshit crazy celebreviolence. the election/wordseries bender was a good time but i still can’t wait for spring. we can get calm with some pickup games of basketball and take some walks with our ladies at fairmount park. the thickneck dudes can start hitting the gym to get ready for the shore and the people on the el might even start smiling again. if you see a dude on the street smiling more than seems reasonable when the weather turns (for good) in march its probably me or someone like me who is ready for good sense to return to this city.
February 24th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
@CTI
Give me the day off on your religious holiday and you can show your muffaletta and plastic bead bejewelled tits to two year olds for all I care. Otherwise, I can do without trash and drunks until Jan. 1, 2010 or another World Series, whichever comes first.
February 24th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
February in Philadelphia = April in half of the country.