Cole Hamels: Officially A Weird Rich Person

cole2-778006.jpgWe must admit: Cole Hamels has always struck us with that weird, disconnected vibe that successful super-handsome white men have sometimes, where you can’t tell if they’re just above it all and hover on a cloud of perfect niceness, or if it’s just that their good looks have never allowed them to really work a day in their lives. Yes, this is an awful thing to think about a person, but tell the truth: You’ve thought about it, too. Anyway, in baseball, that disconnect can often lead to Steve Carlton-esque weirdness, which is always entertaining, OR, in our more modern age, a dark revisionist self-history wherein the Golden Boy tells you that he’s wanted to adopt AIDS babies from Africa since before he even knew what AIDS, babies, or Africa even were:

I grew up in a very rural town in Missouri, and I had never even seen a black person—they asked us to draw a picture of ourselves in the future, and I drew myself holding hands with a line of tiny black stick figures. I’ve always wanted this.

Shit. While we applaud the Hamels-es for their good works, does yon Cole have to come off so fetishy and creepy about it all?
SportsIllustrated: Hamelsina Colie [via 700 Level]
UPDATE/CORRECTION: Whoops — Cole’s wife, Heidi Strobel, was actually the genius behind that quote. Philebrity regrets the error but maintains that the quote is still hella creepy.

4 Responses to “Cole Hamels: Officially A Weird Rich Person”

  1. Clare Says:

    His WIFE said that, dudes.

    Reeding comprehenshun skillz. You no haz them.

  2. Ryan Vernon Says:

    If Cole said it, there would have been 19 “you know”‘s in there. I hate it when he speaks.

  3. dUb-iLL Says:


  4. michjal Says:

    How do you make a white stick figure? White crayon on black paper?

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