Film Sweat: Gangsta ‘Line
RECOMMENDED: Coraline, of course, is the latest in Henry Selick‘s growing Scary Animated Kids’ Films For Adults ouvre. In this adaptation of Neil Gaiman‘s children’s book of the same name, a bored tween named Coraline finds a secret door in her bedroom and discovers a bizarro world that sometimes looks better than the real thing. IT’S OBVIOUSLY ABOUT DRUGS. Oh! Also, it’s in 3D. AND, all the adults in the bizarro world have big black buttons for eyes, just like A.D. Amorosi and the hosts of Philly.com video podcasts. Plus, the website for this movie is badasss.
ALSO NEW IN THEATERS THIS WEEK: He’s Just Not That Into You, a film so vile and pedestrian that it will make half the country smell like a girl’s dorm room for its entire opening weekend; Push, starring Dakota Fanning as a magical shegro who watched Minority Report too many times; Pink Panther 2, starring Steve Martin, reprising his reprise of Peter Sellers’ legendary role, and funny French accents be damned, we will watch literally anything Steve Martin is in, especially just after reading his autobiography, which we highly recommend; Yonkers Joe, which is basically Simple Jack with dice, and EVERYONE is retarded; and Fanboys, about a bunch of Star Wars nerds who steal the Star Wars Nerd Holy Grail, which sounds great until you realize you hit your limit for how many nerd jokes you can take just during the trailer alone.
February 6th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
One of the first books I ever remember reading is Steve Martin’s “Cruel Shoes.” This guy used to be the funniest guy on earth – like Dave Chappell or Chris Rock has been the last few years.
http://www.getasite.com/gj/cruelshoes.htm
February 6th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
Coraline the book scared the bejesus out of me.
A friend saw the preview for He’s Just Not That and said that movie should be punched in the face.
February 6th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
But the more I think about Steve Martin, the more I remember these lines from Trainspotting:
Sick Boy: It’s certainly a phenomenon in all walks of life.
Mark: What do you mean?
Sick Boy: Well, at one time, you’ve got it, and then you lose it, and it’s gone forever. All walks of life: George Best, for example. Had it, lost it. Or David Bowie, or Lou Reed.
Mark: Lou Reed, some of his solo stuff’s not bad.
Sick Boy: No, it’s not bad, but it’s not great either. And in your heart you kind of know that although it sounds all right, it’s actually just shite.
Mark: So who else?
Sick Boy: Charlie Nicholas, David Niven, Malcolm McLaren, Elvis Presley . . .
Mark: OK, OK, so what’s the point you’re trying to make?
Sick Boy: All I’m trying to do, Mark, is help you understand that The Name of The Rose is merely a blip on an otherwise uninterrupted downward trajectory.
Mark: What about The Untouchables?
Sick Boy: I don’t rate that at all.
Mark: Despite the Academy Award?
Sick Boy: That means fuck all. It’s a sympathy vote.
Mark: Right. So we all get old and then we can’t hack it anymore. Is that it?
Sick Boy: Yeah.
Mark: That’s your theory?
Sick Boy: Yeah. Beautifully fucking illustrated.