Break Up The Family: Burrell Goes To Rays At Bargain Basement Prices, JC Romero Gets Royally Screwed
It’s a sin, really: When we think “Tampa Bay Rays,” we don’t think about the team the Philadelphia Phillies so righteously sent packing in October, giving this city its first World Fucking Championship in decades. No, we think about the mohawked asshole at right, taking a full bottle of Grey Goose to the head as he climbs atop a traffic signal like some drugged-up lab rat. Pat Burrell, ironically, always did have kind of a knack for finding the place with the highest concentration of assholes in attendance during his stay in Philly, so perhaps it’s only appropriate that he’ll most likely while away the rest of his career as a Tampa Bay Ray for a paltry $8M a year. He can go knowing that he’ll probably be the best Tampa Bay Ray there ever was, and the Phillie we loved to hate, then love, then hate, then laugh at, then love all over again. But not much can quench the sting of how JC Romero is getting royally screwed for having the non-brains required to buy some goofy ass supplement from the GNC Store in Cherry Hill, NJ. There’s so much wrong with that last sentence, I frankly don’t even know where to begin. But is it wrong enough to cost the dude $1.25M and a 50-game suspension? Hells to the no, Bud Selig! Hells to the no. On the upside, tell the truth: The Phils’ off-season is still like fifty times more interesting than the Iggles, even when they’re in the playoffs.
January 6th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
…that last sentence. Not cool. Not even in a cute funny way.
January 6th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
but, Patricio, its so true.
January 6th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Definitely not cool. Just cause no tight pants and oakley wearing resident of Northern Liberties or Port Fishington cares about any sport but baseball, that doesn’t mean everyone else has a one sport focus too. This is still a football town, …. regardless of the bandwagon that happnened in the fall.
And if you think that was really a Tampa fan that took that bottle to the head and not just some drunk Neaster schmuck, you’re buggin’.
January 6th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Its true. The only thing the Eagles have accomplished so far is they won a wild card game BIG DEAL. The Phillies won the World F*cking Series.
January 6th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
“If people are intimidated because Major League [Baseball] is a big organization, so be it,” Romero said. “But they are not going to make an example of me thinking that I’m just a [dumb] Puerto Rican. It’s not going to happen. It’s not the way I’m built.”