Cyber Monday Special: Four Amazing Gifts For Christmas ’08
1. The Brooks Brothers Executive Tie Tree. $15,000.
Oh recession, up yours! Now that we know we’ve officially been in the shit for a year now, it’s time to start faking it ’til you make it (back). At a cool $15K, this executive tie tree (made of silk Brooks Brothers ties, but the one at the Philebrity XMas party will be made of wide jawns grabbed in haste at Village Thrift in Camden) will light up any holiday office party and almost certainly lead to fun preppy bondage sex with that one drunkard who you just know is gonna steal as many ties as he can get away with. In other news, I just bet my brother at the Union League one U.S. dollar that we could turn a homeless man into a business tycoon and our well-bred star employee into a pimping pill addict angel dust dealer before the Florida crop reports come out at New Year’s! Yayyy recession fun!
Available through Brooks Brothers Holiday Catalog only.
2. 2008 Philadelphia Phillies: The Official World Series Film [Blu-ray]. $20.
Actually, this one has pollyanna written all over it. As USA Today put it:
2008 World Series Film: Phillies vs. Rays (2008, Shout! Factory, $20; Dec. 16 on Blu-ray, $30): So how do you make a five-game Series with a rain-induced foul aftertaste interesting? Well, there were a couple of blown umpires’ calls, a walk-off single that went 45 feet to win Game 3 for Philadelphia and the first pitcher (the Phillies’ Joe Blanton) to hit a Series home run since 1974. The best way, though, is to bring the DVD out on Blu-ray. The early copy I’ve seen is vibrant and immediate.
Joe Blanton!
Currently on sale at Amazon.
3. ION iPTUSB Portable USB Turntable. $119.
Fact: Every piece of electronics currently in production has some kind of iPod functionality in it, from cars to refrigerators. And when even 9-year-olds are rocking the new Coldplay, you know shit has got to be stopped. Whether you are a longtime vinyl lover or one of the unintentionally hilarious asshat noobs profiled in this NYT Styles section piece, say hello to the ION iPTUSB Portable USB Turntable, ‘cos it’s time to get slow. There’s a lot of portable turntables out there, but we like this one because it’s got a USB connector in case you’ve got something worth bringing into the digital age. Sadly, however, it does not come with a copy of One Year by Colin Blunstone OR a bag of weed.
Available at Turntablelab.com
4. Anything from Etsy, NOT! $0.
Seriously, if you buy me anything from Etsy, I will fucking kill you. Enough already.
Got any other bright ideas? Leave ‘em in the comments.
December 1st, 2008 at 9:45 pm
Is James Acklin (NY Times story) really rocking the Sports album by Huey Lewis and the News? And Donnie Iris? He must be the most ironic dude in Pittsburgh.
December 2nd, 2008 at 1:33 am
Did we have to note they were silk? Are there still “Flounders” among us? (“Ooh, 90% rayon!”)
Get that tie, but for god’s sake, learn more than just one knot–junior high was a long time ago, and destroying that silk with that “closet noose” is an insult to the moth larvae boiled alive to get that very silk.
You can find downloadable .pdf tie knot charts here.
December 2nd, 2008 at 10:46 am
Dude. You asked for it, so here goes: tourism office’s 25 Philadelphia gifts under $25 are at http://www.gophila.com/holidays.
Oh yea – with a coupon per day for a Philly boutique!
And a contest to win ‘em all plus two nights in a Philadelphia hotel. Not bad, not bad at all.
December 2nd, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I just looked up the tie tree because it’s so dumb I thought it had to be fake but it isn’t. WTF?!?
December 2nd, 2008 at 1:38 pm
That turntable does nothing that an RCA to phono cable and some freeware won’t do for you.
Now time to go home and burn the first 8 Rush albums to MP3!